Thursday, July 31, 2008

Why Wait For November To Vote?

Tonight as Not The Baby, Baby Boy and I were driving back from soccer practice Not The Baby mentioned to me that everyone that reads my world (blog) probablly feels sorry for her that she has a name like Not The Baby.

So I told her that I would just take a poll of who feels sorry for my little middle girl that everyone loves and can laugh her way out of any trouble she gets herself into.

Sorry for someone who voices her opinion loudly when she feels the need to be heard, and let me tell you this baby likes to be heard all the time.

I love her and I only gave her that name because she fits that name.

Not The Baby really thought she was going to be the baby forever and well we did too but life has a way of happening and I can't imagine life any other way.

So if you would so kindly take the poll to the right.

I pray that the poll turns out the way I want it to, otherwise I will really hear it from Not The Baby!

Happy Polling!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


You know when things get really tough and you just cant talk about them but you really need everyone that loves you to pray for you?

Well now is that time.

I cant talk about it.

I'm sick of talking about it.

Just want to pray about it.

Anything is possible with prayer.

I will have to tell you about a friend who prayed with me once and the impact it had on me.

Awww The Honking

This morning I was outside with Azazel (the dog) drinking my cup of joe and rocking in my rocking chair when all of a sudden I heard loud honking.

I look up to see about thirty geese flying east.

Why do I enjoy watching those geese fly over?

I feel just like a kids when I watch them, I watch them until I cant see them any longer.

It reminds me a song:

Ordinary Miracle by Sarah McLachlan.

I love that song.

I have so many things that I need to write about buy just not enough time at this very moment.

So I will catch you later.

And I hope that you experience an ordinary miracle today!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Funny Short Story For Your Monday Morning Entertainment

One day I was ran over!


No not by a car.

Not by a train.

Not by a bike.

But rather by a referee!

There I was a proud Momma of her Baby Boy taking pictures of him playing soccer.

It was a beautiful day and we were winning the game.

I was on the sidelines taking pictures of Baby Boy with my then new canon camera and my zoom lens.

When all of a sudden something hit me like a freight train and threw me back about five feet.

First I look at my camera to make sure that it was ok.

Then I look to see what had just happened and I see a referee laying on the ground near me.

Then I look around to see if anyone had seen the accident.

It appears that no one saw it, they were all focused on the game.

Thank goodness!

Then as I am picking myself up off the ground, mind you the male referee that just knocked me over did not offer to help me up but rather he says to me miss you really need to stay back a ways.

You think? I say to him!

Then the sorry butt keeps talking about how I need to stay back.


Do you think I am a moron?

Don't even think of answering that!

You just better consider yourself lucky you didn't hurt my camera.

You would have thought I would be concerned about my well being, but no I am worried about my camera.

Do you have any idea how long I had to wait to get this camera and then you come plowing me over like a farmer on his tractor.

I say dear referee sir, consider yourself lucky.

After the game when my family had all gotten in the car I told them about what had happened, looking for sympathy of course and instead this is what I heard:

Man I would have paid money to see that!

Can you go back out there and do it again?

Did you hurt the referee?

And crap like this went on the whole ride home.

Needless to day I chose not to speak to anyone for sometime.

I have learned my lesson now.

When something embarrassing happens to me like this I keep my mouth shut about it to the family.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sunday Morning Beauty

Well after my long day of working around the house being a little Betty Homemaker I was exhausted.

But I could not resist getting up and checking on my jam that sat on my counter last night.

It looks beautiful!

So guess what Baby Girl and I did?

We made biscuits.

Man were they beautiful.

I really think that food turns out so much better when it is made with loving hands.

So my lesson for today is:

I know you are thinking , what lesson, who said you were giving lessons?

Just go with it.

Get your kids in the kitchen, get your kids in the garden, get your kids into whatever it is that you like to do and teach them what you know.

Even if they think that they dont like it.

Even if they say they would rather finish their show they are watching.

Even if they grip the whole time they are doing it.

Then keep making them help you, and one day it will come naturally to them and your heart will smile when you see your parenting pay off.

Ok, there it is my words of wisdom for the day.

Did I ever tell you that I always wanted to be a Walton and live on Waltons Moutain?

Saturday, July 26, 2008

I Am Actually Getting Things Accomplished!

OK I got up this morning to go to the local farmers market and got some free blackberries that needed to be made into jam quickly.

So I came straight home and made blackberry freezer jam!

Yeah for me!

Then I went shopping and got everything I needed to make homemade laundry soap.

Yeah for me!

I got the laundry soap done and it will be ready in 24 hours.

Then I made my own furniture polish!

Yeah for me!

Next I am going to go pick some free apples and make some blueberry jam and if I get enough apples than I am going to make apple pie and apple jelly!

I will be crying later tonight due to exhaustion but hey it's a good tired!

Wish me luck!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Embarrassing Story #3

When one of my babies were little this happened to us.

Please notice that I am not going to say which baby it was since friends of my babies actually read my little blog world.

It was summer time and the weather was hot and humid, just another day in our little state.

A friend of mine asked us to go swimming at her private members only pool.

The kids were excited, they love swimming and so we jumped at the opportunity.

We were swimming and having a good time, the kids were off swimming in the other end of the pool, they were jumping off the diving board while my friend and I were watching them and talking.

Taking in the suns rays and enjoying watching the kids having fun.

When all of a sudden someone screams.

I can't understand what they are screaming.

The lifeguard goes over to see what the problem is.

After taking a look, the lifeguard quickly blows his whistle and tells everyone to exit the pool immediately!

So the kids start coming over to my friend and I.

I am getting concerned, since the lifeguard was over where my kids were at.

Is it a snake or worse, does someone have some disease that is contagious and now my poor little babies have been exposed to it.

That is what I hate about public pools, everybodies stuff floating around everywhere.

So the babies start to come over to us and I ask them:

Momma: Babies what is wrong over there?

Momma: Do you know what is going on?

Babies: Yes momma!

Momma: Well what is it tell me, are you OK?

Babies: Yeah were OK but I am not sure if we should stay here any longer and swim.

Momma: Why honey? What is it?

Babies: Well, your little baby here just pooped in the pool!

Momma: What the?

Momma: Kids get your stuff, we are going to have to leave before they make us leave, and don't tell anyone that it was your sibling!

Now while the Babies were telling me this my friend had walked off to go to the concession stand. So the kids were telling me all of this in private.

My friend returns.

Momma: Friend, thank you so much for inviting me but we really must go home now so that the kids can take a bath. I mean I have so much laundry to do.

Baby: Yeah plus someone obviously needs to sit on the pot a while!

Momma: Baby , GO GET IN THE CAR!

Friend: Oh, OK well I hate that you have to run off.

Momma: Gosh me too.
(I give pooper a look like: yeah we wouldn't be rushing off if you would have got your butt out of the pool long enough to take a crap in the toilet instead of the letting out little tootsie rolls in the pool for everyone to see)

Friend: Did you ever here what was going on with the lifeguard wanting everyone out of the pool?

Momma: No, gosh I never did. But hey thanks again I really need to run.

Needless to say I think that was the last time that we were ever invited to go swimming with that friend.

Not sure why?

As a matter of fact that friend really doesn't even talk to me anymore.

That little stinker!

I wish I could say that is all of the poop stories that I have to share with you but there are more.

Happy bowel movements to you today, let then be easy and hopefully not in a pool!

Did I just say happy bowel movements?

I am so so sorry.

What I meant to say is Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I Wanna Be A Dancing Queen

I must keep this very short and sweet because Brat Baby is ready to go to bed.
I went with friends tonight to see Momma Mia I really liked it .

I wish now that I could see it on stage live.

Also I wanna sing Dancing Queen with my Rock Band friends.

Got to go Brat Baby is getting angry!

Peace out........

I will be singing Abba songs all night in my head.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Here's A Short Story Just For You!

I started telling you about our adventure the day we took Lucifer to get his manhood taken from him and then got so busy that I didn't write about it.

So here goes:

When I decided to take Azazel to get fixed I had a hard time finding a vet in town that would be willing to cut upon the devil.

So we had to leave the state where no one knew who we were (or I found someone who did it cheaper and just happened to be in another state, which ever story you like best will work. Personally I like the first story). I was hoping that he could hide his evilness just until we left the doctors office.

Well he didn't have time to show his true colors because as soon as we walked in the door they had a shot of knock you on your tail waiting for him.

So after tears from Not The Baby for having to leave the little devil dog in a sedated state I decided to take the girls to a local restaurant for breakfast.

OK it was the only restaurant in the town.

Man that was the worst food I had ever tasted. That nasty stuff went through me like a dollar worth of gas in a semi truck.

So after I emptied my tank I took the girls to the local park.

Now as we arrived at the park I noticed there was not a parking lot for it, rather you just had to park in the street.

The girls saw a set a teeter totters (sp?) and we all ran to do that first, it's not very often we see those at parks. This however was a small town and an old park.

We had fun on that thing, I on one end, the three girls on the other end.

Dont even go there!

After playing a while I decided to go back to the car and get my drink from the car and on my way back to the car I happened to look up at the street sign that the park was located on and this is what it read:

What the ............


Girls: Momma why are all these cars going by driving really slow for?

Girls: Momma why are all these ladies dressed up like they are going to a party here without their kids?

Momma: Girls dont look at anyone , keep your head down and run for the car!

Yes I am full of poop, I mean I have a purse full of it that I dont know what to do with so I thought I would share some with you.

The park really was on a street called Hooker street though.

So before we left Hooker Park I thought I would take a picture of all of us on Hooker street and I am hoping that this will be the only time that my girls or I will ever associate ourselves with anything that has to do with Hookers.

My Babies on Hooker Street.

Me pulling a Not The Baby on Hooker Street.

Hopfully if you ever run across a Hooker Street it will be as innocent as our Hooker Street.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Most Embarassing Moment #2

Here is what you all have been waiting for.

Just humor me.

One day while our family was all driving down the road to our home we saw a purse on the side of the road.

Papa: Hey why don't I turn around and you pick up the purse.

Momma: No Papa

Papa: Yes and we can see who it belongs to.

Momma: If you want it, you pick it up.

Papa: No because I am driving and it is on your side of the road.

OK against my wishes he turns the car around and we get close to the purse that is on the side of the road and I open my door slightly and I grab the purse.

As soon as I close the door the babies start to say that something stinks.

Papa: What is that smell?

Momma: Well, I don't know it does stink really bad like.....

Momma: I think the smell is coming from the purse.

So I take a look in the purse

Momma: Oh good grief there is poop all in this purse and what the hell is this, there is a fishing line attached to the purse and it is running out our door.

Momma: I am throwing this thing out the door, we have just picked up a purse full of shit!

Momma: Oh thanks a lot Papa.

Papa: heeeeeeee heeeeeee (tears are now rolling down his face)

Babies: heeeeeeeeee, you picked up a purse full of poop Momma.

Momma: What do you mean I picked it up, it was Papa's idea, not mine.

Yes it is what you think:

We were the lucky ones to fall for some kids prank, those kids were probably hiding down in the ditch right next to the purse laughing their butts off.

Now wouldn't you know as history goes in my house, everyone tells this story at holidays and get togethers that it was my idea and I am the only one that had anything to do with it.

But I am here to tell you that I had no brain cells in this stupid idea.

I mean if I could have smelt the poop before I picked it up I never would have touched it!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

We Are Burning Rubber

Last Monday we bought the girls a go cart.

Now I can not begin to express their excitement over this since they have wanted one for at least the last ten years.

Well we found a great deal at a garage sale last Saturday and we told the girls if they still had it when we had a little extra money that we would get it for them.

Well that time came and I had to owe up to my word.

Well we got it home and it would not start and the more we looked at it we found several things that did not add up to what the man that sold it to us said.

However we did not get discouraged or angry, not yet anyways.

Not The Baby was the one who really wanted the go cart so it was really hard for her to look at one sitting in her back yard not running.

Often I would look at the window and see Not The Baby just sitting in the go cart dreaming of the fun she would have if she could actually drive it.

Well all week her and Papa would fiddle with it and then Uncle R came over and they fiddled with it twice.

Poor Not The Baby, she was just depressed over the whole thing.

Not The Baby was ready to give up.

The Papa had another idea, he called his good friend Hammer.

And you would never believe what happened next.
Just pray for us that we don't end up visiting Trauma Karl at the hospital anytime soon.
Soon heck, I mean never!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

I Sang In A Rock Concert Last Night

Last Night Trauma Karl turned 30 something and we went over to their casa to help him celebrate getting another year older.

One of his gifts was Rock Band.

Oh my gosh, I am not a video game person at all.

I mean I can not play any of them well, my kids don't even own any.

But Last night I gave it a whirl.

The group was made up of Picture Momma, Trauma Karl, and me, Momma.

The song was Bon Jovi's Dead or Alive.

First time around I tried playing the drums but that apparently takes some coordination, and I like to think that I am coordinated but by skills with the drum are very week.

So week that the game just kicked me off the song and told me I sucked!

Maybe that is why we don't own a gaming system.

Then Picture Momma got on bass, Trauma Karl got on the drums and I Momma took over the microphone.

Now earlier in the evening Not The Baby begged me not to get on the mic.

Claiming it would not be a good idea.

I think she was worried that if I do that then we would not be invited back to play anymore.

So I waited until Papa and Not The Baby left.

Papa and Not The Baby can not stay at any ones house very long.

They remind me of my late Papa Willey.

That man could not stand to be away from him house for any length of time.

At Christmas time when the whole family would get together he would stay until we ate and then he would ask around to everyone that he knew was staying at his house, who drove their car so that he could find someone to give him a ride home.

I used to laugh at it, but now with my family it's not always that funny.

But then again, if Papa is ready to go home it is probably best for everyone that he just leaves other wise he may start pouting, or maybe fake an illness.

That's just my opinion though!

And for Not The Baby, well she is like a bugging little hyena so it is best to just let her get her way because she will not be backing down any time soon.

Back to the Rock Band story:

So after the two cant keep our butts in any one place left.

I joined the band and we Rock the house with Dead or Alive.

Baby Girl being the sweetheart that she is sit on my lap encouraging me to sing.

I love it when they are young and still think that you are beautiful no matter what you look like and you can sing really well even with you know you really suck at it.

But the cool part is, the game didn't kick us off, we actually were good enough to finish the whole song and I got a 98% on my singing.

I think you must just get a high score for singing the words at the right time because if they were grading me on my talent, my number would be so low that it wouldn't even register.

Oh well I am going to take my 98% and ride that train for as long as I can!

In the mean time I will keep practicing my singing talents because I am sure that the band will need me to come over and sing for them again!

I may even need to find a manager, this thing could sky rocket!

Happy Saturday!!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Someone Help Me I Am On Fire

I took the girls to the water park today and of course I am so tuff that I don't need sunscreen!

Well I have a burn on half my body including my arm pits!

We had fun though, and so I need to rest and get healthy enough to go garage sales in the morning.

Bright and early for this Momma.

I promise to find time to write about our adventure that we had on Monday.

Oh my gosh that stuff happened on Monday, I cant believe how fast time flies when your soakin up the sun.

Oh and my neck still hurts from making pasta!!

But hey it was good, it must have been because me swimsuit was even tighter today than it was two weeks ago.

Pretty soon they are going to start charging me extra for the loss of water every time I jump in the pool at the water park!

Oh well Life Is Good!

Happy Sleeping.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Wednesday Has Kicked My Tail!

The day started out a little stressful when I tried to make homemade pasta.

Why you ask, well because I like to make things fresh and I bought a pasta maker from Italy at a garage sale for $2.

Well guess what, I did it and it was easy and great tasting.

That Italian girl on Food Network has nothing on me.

Except a way better body than mine, but who cares she probably doesn't have kids that drive her to excess eating damn it.

So because I did that I have a major neck pain right now.

Plus I had to go shopping and I hate to go shopping because it is tiring, and if I am going to get all tired out then I want it to be because I have done something that is accomplishing, something around the house.

You know like making fresh pasta.

Oh and the great news of the day is I bought a iron bed for Brat Baby for her new room.

We have been searching every where imaginable all summer and we found one in my old stomping grounds at an antique store today.

The best part is I got to haggle with the lady on the price.

I only got her to take off $15 but hey that is OK because we still got a steal.

Sad news:

Baby Boy is driving me a little crazy and so I am thinking of secretly counting down the days until he goes back to college.

I said thinking about it!

I'm not actually ready to start counting down just yet, because I know I am going to cry my eyes out when he leaves and we wont see him until Turkey Day.

I guess I could count down the days until I turn 30 something.......I cant actually remember how old I am.

Humm, could that be because I don't want to know or could that be because I have already lost my freakin mind because being married to Papa and giving birth to four offspring that carry his blood inside of them is what has made me just a little crazy.

I am voting for the later of the two.

Oh darn I just remembered I have forgotten to tell you about this hooker I saw and the ghost in the antique store.

Darn and I am out of time and energy and Brat Baby will be in here any minute to kick me out of her room.

I am in desperate need for a lap top.

I need to take up donations.

For every stupid story I tell on myself, that could be worth a dollar!!

I have lots.

As a matter of fact the kids just reminded me yesterday of a dumb thing that happened years ago involving something that smelled really really bad.

But that will have to be for another day.

Sleep well.

I know I need it, for tomorrow I have to take my girls to the water park.

I just love getting my butt into that swimsuit that fit me two years ago but not now.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Update On My Crazy Life

Well as some of you have asked about our near death experience.

Last Friday the girls and I were driving to pick up on of Brat Baby's friends.

As we were driving, the car in front of me put on his turning signal as he was turning right and a car that was going to come onto the highway that I was on, turned right smack in front of me since he saw the cars blinkers.

Now let me tell you that my whole family gives me the worst time about my driving, often calling me Richard Petty.

I slammed on the brakes swerved to the left and realized that there was no way I could stop on time and then I make a quick decision to swerve to the right.

We just missed the car by inches!

Now let me tell you everyone in the car was so scared that we didn't even talk for a while and my heart was racing like I just participated in the Indy 500.

Thank You Jesus for looking out for us!

I have intentions of blogging about our day yesterday with dropping off Demon Dog.

Would you believe so many things can happen to one family that is worth blogging about.

I mean we saw things yesterday that we have never seen before.

We had experiences that we have never experienced before.

And we went to a place that is not legal in I think every state!

Now all I have to do is find time to write about all of these things, but if I don't go and buy groceries for this family then well they may just kick me to the curb.

Whatever, I am the glue that keeps this family together, I am the lifesaver that keeps us afloat, I am the ....... well you get the point.

Have a great Tuesday!


Sunday, July 13, 2008

Is There Something Wrong With Baby Girl?

Well I think that I should just make it a point to never claim to write on the weekend but then again as soon as I do that I will be able to and then no one will read it because they were not expecting it.

Not like you guys are hanging by a thread waiting to read the latest installment of my life!

But I did have some exciting and funny things happen to me on Thursday and Friday.

Thursday Baby Girl had a dentist appointment which I was sick over.

This was to be Baby Girl's first ever filling!

Now I must admit to my fear of the dentist and doctor of any kind, the older I get the more scared I get.

Now I do not let me kids in on my illness as to I never want them to be fearful of anything like that.

When I took Baby Girl to the dentist for a cleaning they discovered a cavity (which I knew she had one as you could see it) they told me that they would rather send her to a pediatric dentist because they did not want her to have a bad first experience at the dentist.

I explained to the dentist that all of my children are tough as nails.

When Baby Girl did a cartwheel and broke her arm when she was three, she never shed a tear.

When Not The Baby got kicked by the biggest horse you have ever seen and he shattered her elbow into eight pieces and she had to have three surgeries and six months of physical therapy.

Never did she shed a tear.

Baby Boy and Brat Baby have both broken bones playing soccer and did not cry.

Oh there was that time that Baby Boy dislocated his elbow while playing soccer, he did shed a couple of tears then.

Anyway you get the point and I convinced the dentist that we should just stay there and let him do the work rather than wait to get into a new dentist and probably pay more money.

We agreed that if Baby Girl showed any discomfort that he would stop doing the procedure and we would take our little discomfort butts to a Baby Girl kind of dentist.

I being the bribing kind of Momma that I like to be, I promised Baby Girl that if she did an excellent job than I would take her to Wally World and let her pick out something for being such a big girl.

Now when I made this deal with her I knew I could probably get away with her being big without me offering a gift.

But still I was a little scared that this may be the time she says the hell with it and throws a big to do!

So we get to the dentist parking lot and I spot someone that I used to work with and I skip right on over and ask her how she was doing.

I knew I would talk a minute so I sent Baby Girl on in to let them know that she was there.

I said my goodbye to my friend and walked in expecting to find my Baby Girl waiting looking a little nervous as she is about to get the drill to her head.

I know this is my fear, not hers.

I don't spot her so I start to walk around the corner when a lady sitting waiting on her turn of torture says, "They already took her back."

Oh, Thank You I say to her and then have a small panic as I turn to the receptionist.

Receptionist: Hi, did you want to go back with her?

Momma: Yes I do!

Now inside of me, I just wanted to stay in the waiting room with a small trash can next to me so that I could vomit all the fear out of me.

The nice lady told me where to go and I walked back to find my Baby Girl.

Oh thank goodness, they haven't started the excavation yet.

They are going to seal Baby Girls teeth first.

OK, good that part will not hurt, the sickness in my gut gets to hold on a little longer.

Nothing better than a long drawn out worry.

The sealing goes really well and really fast, I mean maybe ten minutes.

I say to Baby Girl: Sweetheart are you okay?

Momma: I mean you did great, how was that?

Baby Girl: Oh that was fine, Momma, no big deal.

I think to myself, well that was no big deal but the worst is yet to come.

Then the ladies tell us we are going to have to switch rooms.

Oh no switch rooms, they are probably going to take us to the sound proof room.

You know the one where no one in the waiting room can hear the pain inflicted patients scream for mercy.

Be Strong Momma, be strong for your baby.

Baby Girl sits down in the chair and they have the TV that is hooked to the chair and will swing right up to your face and a kids friendly channel is playing on the tube.

The dental hygienist then hands over the remote to Baby Girl and tells her that she can watch whatever she wants to watch.

Baby Girl of course knowing her television turns the tv to another channel that she sees fit.

The hygienist then gets out the gas mask and turns a few knobs on what I am assuming is the happy gas and walks out of our room.

There we are watching cartoons and waiting.

I being very nervous look at the clock when she walks out of the room that way I know exactly how long she is gone.

Five minutes go by.....I'm still waiting

Ten minutes goes by and we are still waiting...

Then Baby Girl starts to look around the room.

Momma: Baby Girl, what is it?

Baby Girl: I am ready to get this over with Momma.

Momma: I know Baby Girl, I am too.

Then a new face walks into the room, not the doctor.

She is making small talk with Baby Girl.

I am getting sick of small talk, get this wretched show on the road people.

Baby Girl is giving me that I am getting sick of small talk look on her face, get this show on the road look also.

Then the practitioner of pain walked into the room all bubbly and happy like he is about to eat a steak or something.

He hands over the gas mask and he and his helper attached the mask to my Baby Girl like she is about to go deep water scuba diving.

Poor Baby Girl has no idea how to breathe through the mask without still breathing through her mouth.

I explain to Baby Girl how to do this, she is trying way too hard at it, she will take a deep breath in with her nose and then blow out like she is trying to blow out all the candles on her birthday cake.

I again explain to her how to breathe just through her nose.

I think she has the hang of it.

Then all of a sudden another candle is trying to be blown out.

Oh my gosh, what if she does not get enough of this happy gas, what if she feels all the travail.

For Crying out loud Baby Girl breathe through your nose.

Please listen to your Momma, I know what I am talking about here.

Then it starts to happen.

The doctor is laying the chair back and there is no way out of this.

I am scared to death.

Baby Girl however is tapping her feet to the beat of the song that is on TV.

How can she be so calm at a time so terrifying.

The doctor is talking rather loud to Baby Girl, trying to get her attention off of what is about to happen to her.

He tells her he is going to look at the tooth one more time before he starts working on her.

He looks and then tells her that he is going to numb her gums so that she will not feel any pain.

He does and then all of a sudden he pulls out this oversize syringe.

And he is hiding it so that Baby Girl can not see it.

Oh my good Lord I can't believe the size of that thing, I mean I didn't even know they still made them in steel.

The last time I saw one of those things was in a horror movie that I had to keep my hands over my eyes and only watch through the cracks of my fingers.

Oh No my poor Baby Girl had no idea of the amount of pain that is about to be inflicted upon her sweet little body.

He shoots her in the gum with the needle from hell.

That's funny, Baby Girl did not react.

Then he injects more pain into the other side of her gums.

This time she squeezes the remote in her hand.

Oh no, she must be in real pain.

I don't know if I can watch all of this.

What shall I do, I cant leave my baby back here all alone.

Oh stop it I tell myself, grow up, I mean really look at your daughter she is doing so well and you are over here having a mind war about your fearfulness of doctors.

He tells Baby Girl that he is going to get started on fixing her tooth and that is won't take him very long at all and she will be as good as new.

As the doctor is working on Baby Girl he is explaining the steps that he is taking and speaking to his helper about the things that she needs to pass to him.

I am watching every move that the doctor is making.

Then all of a sudden the volume on the TV starts to rise.

Still I am staying focused.

Then the volume is rising even more.

Baby Girl was not able to see the TV at this point as she is laying flat on her back and has four hands in her mouth but by golly she is not going to miss this show of hers.

She try's to move the happy gas mask.

The doctor tell her she will not be able to see the TV at this point of the procedure.

Oh how embarrassing, he is going to think that all this girl does is watch TV at home, I mean really she cant even take her eyes off of it long enough to have her cavity filled.

Then it happens again, somehow the volume on the TV goes up.

Baby Girl is not interested in what the dentist has to say to her about the work she is having done, she is only worried about being able to hear that damn show.

The whole time she is turning up the tube, I am watching to see if the doctor reacts to her doing that.

I am wondering if the television may not distract him from what he is supposed to be doing.

Should I tell Baby Girl to leave the TV alone?

No then she might take her mind back to what they are doing in her mouth.

Then it happens, the doctor looks at the TV and then chuckles.

Oh Thank goodness he chuckles, that was a little embarrassing Baby Girl.

I kind of loosen up a little bit.

The doctor goes back to working in Baby Girls mouth.

I am sitting on the edge of my chair watching still like the mother lion that I am that this guy is doing a good job.

Like I would even know if he wasn't????????

Then Baby Girls arm starts to rise.

Oh my what is she doing.

Then her other arm starts to rise.

What the???

Then Baby Girl starts clapping her hands, while stile grasping the remote.

What the heck is going on here?

Still she is clapping.

I look to the doctor.

I look to the assistant.

I look to the happy gas tank.

I look back to Baby Girl.

Thankfully the clapping stops.

Did I just dream that she was clapping her hands?

I mean no one else reacted to her spontaneously clapping.

I bend down to stretch out my neck and Take A Deep Breath.

I look back to Baby Girl and Oh my God she is giving me the thumbs up.

What the hell is going on here people, I think my Baby Girl is HIGH on happy gas.

Oh my is this what she will look like when she is 21 and drunk off her butt. (please say she will be an exception and never get drunk)

Please someone stop the Momma Torture Train.

She is still giving me the thumbs up.

She wont stop!

Oh this is starting to get embarrassing.

Are they over dosing her for heavens sake, someone help her.

Then like a strike of lighting the dentist claims he is done.

Baby Girls thumb rests to her side and they take the gas mask off her.

Thank goodness get that make you crazy mask off my baby.

Breathe the air baby, breathe the clean oxygen and breathe it deep.

I am beside my self by this point.

We get in the car, start to buckle, I ask her how she felt and she claims she is fine.

Oh I guess you are,I mean they had you gassed like a drunken sailor.

Baby Girl: What did you say Momma?

Momma: Oh nothing sweetheart.



Momma: Hey Baby Girl, why were you giving the thumbs up back there at the dentist?

Baby Girl: To let you know that I was just fine Momma!

Baby Girl: Why Momma?

Momma: Oh honey no reason, that was really sweet of you to let me know you were fine.

Oh my gosh, where is my mind.

Here I thought I was witnessing a reenactment of Woodstock.

I need to Breathe a little more often!

Friday, July 11, 2008

It's Friday

Garage sale day
So of course I did not get to write a blog this morning and I have so much to tell .

I've experienced my child getting way too happy.

We almost died today.

Oh and my day isn't even over yet.

I will be out late getting my groove on at a local street party tonight so I plan to write tomorrow morning.

Have the best Friday ever!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Blog About What?

When I sat down to start tomorrows blog on Wednesday night I asked Not The Baby what I should blog about and she said:



Typical Not The Baby response.

Which is OK because you have to love Not The Baby.

Everybody loves Not The Baby and if they don't well something is just wrong with them.

She has this great personality that makes you laugh with her even of she just made you mad at her.

And here's the thing with Not The Baby.

I can not only Not stay mad at her, but if she is mad at me it drives me CRAZY.

I can not stand for her to be mad at me.

Now that I think about it I cant stand for any of my kids to be angry with me, other than that time the Baby Boy decided that he didn't want to stay here for the summer then I was like..

Fine leave then, you will want to come home sooner or later.

(It lasted less than one month before the sooner came)

So I thought I would share a funny story about Not The Baby.

When Not The Baby was three she was know to often hand out parenting advice.

Momma: Oh Baby Boy makes me angry sometimes!

Not The Baby (age three): Oh Momma you have a lot to learn about teeeeenagers.

When Not The Baby was younger she could be in a room full of strangers and in less than two minutes she would have met a new best friend.

This past school year started off a little rough for Not The Baby though because her new set of junior high teachers were not sure how to take her.

They probably just thought she was another class clown and who needs another one of those?

But she doesn't mean to disrupt she just thinks life is really funny and loves living it.

Later on in the school year her teachers got to know her and they too feel in love with my baby.

Towards the last day of school she walks into one of her classrooms and a friends of hers tell her to hide in the closet thinking it would be funny when her teacher comes into the room to surprise her. So Not The Baby sets her books on her desk and heads to the closet.

When the bell rang for class to start the teacher walks into the room complaining about something, she is clearly not in a good mood and Not The Baby panics.

She is not sure what to do, she can hear her teacher ranting on and on.

The teacher does not stop for a breath, she is very upset.

Not The Baby starts to panic and she is feeling as though she can not breathe very well inside that closet and hey she is scared of the dark so she cracks the door just a little and her friend that encouraged her to hide there is giving her the thumbs down, meaning to stay where you are the coast is not clear, there are still shots being fired by the teacher.

Oh No what should I do?

What if she see my books and asks where I am then what shall I do.

Oh she will not find this funny and quite frankly I am not finding this funny any longer either.

Not The Baby goes through these things over and over in her head.

Then all of a sudden the teacher spots a child that is misbehaving.

The teacher escorts that student out into the hall.

Go Not The Baby Go!

Not The Baby opens the door slowly....

The coast is clear.

Run for it Not The Baby.

Not The Baby runs for her desk and sits down just in time for the teacher to turn around and head into the classroom.

Not The Baby is sitting there with sweat running down her face, her heart is racing, her eyes are having a hard time adjusting to the light but she is able to keep her composure.

However the rest of the classroom is not able to contain themselves, they have broken out into a laughter that travels down the halls of the junior high for all the hear.

This my dear friends is an example of her fathers blood running through her veins. He too was the class clown.

As a matter of fact just the other day Papa was in a grocery store and this elderly lady comes near him and just stops dead in her tracks and stares at him.

This lady will not take her eyes off of Papa.

Papa tries to ignore her but the stare in deep and long so he finally asks her " Is there something I can help you with?

The elderly lady looks at him and says, "I don't remember you name but I know you were one of my students and I know you gave me Hell."

Turns out she was one of his High School English teachers and yes Papa admitted to his hell giving and apologized for it.

Not The Baby having fun with her self photography passion

I have hundreds more where this came from.

Looks as though Not The Baby may be rubbing off on Brat Baby!

Enough Said!

Sorry about all the space between each line. Every time I add a photo it does this and I get tired of going through deleting space.

I've Been Shot!

OK don't freak out.

I've not been shot by our local gang or anything like that.

Baby Girl is bored since it is a rainy day outside today and so she took up playing nurse.

Wonder where she got that idea????

Hanging around Trauma Karl too much??

She also likes to pretend she is a photographer thanks to Picture Momma and myself.

Anyway, she cracks me up when she plays.

If she does not grow up and be a teacher or someone in charge I will be completely shocked.

Baby Girl likes to tell those that she is playing with exactly what she thinks they should say when they are in deep role play.

Baby Girl: Momma would you like to schedule your shot now?

Momma: Schedule a shot, who wants a shot?

Oh shoot I should not have said that since Baby Girl is going to the dentist tomorrow to get a cavity filled and she will have to have a shot.

Momma: Shot, yes I would love to have a shot, because you know shots are just something that we have to have and deal with and you know we should just make the best of it and be brave when we get a shot and we should be really good for the doctor when we get shots and...

Baby Girl: Momma, do you want your shot or not?

Momma: Well of course I would like to schedule my shot, especially if a cutie like you are giving them.

Baby Girl: Momma stop it!

Baby Girl: OK Momma sit right there and I will give you your shot.

Baby Girl: OK dear, what is your name?

Momma: Momma

Baby Girl: No Momma, a name!

Momma: Oh sorry, Mrs. T. or you can call me Mrs. Flicker if you like. Others have been know for calling me that?

Baby Girl: What?

Momma; Oh nothing!

Baby Girl: OK give me your arm.

I was a little worried about what she would be using for a needle so I chose to not look away like I normally do when I receive a shot.

Oh good it is only a pencil.

Baby Girl uses the eraser side to clean the skin.

Now while she is cleaning the skin I am having a discussion with Baby Boy about the amount of food in our home and whether he will starve to death or not and the fact that if he would like to go out and get a J-O-B he could help buy whatever necessities that he sees fit.

And then all of a sudden my arm is burning and hurting and OOOOWWWW

The whole time that I am arguing, I mean talking with Baby Boy, Baby Girl is still rubbing on my arm with the eraser.

Momma: Baby Girl I think that my arm is plenty clean!!!

Baby Girl: OK Mrs. T.

Then Baby Girl goes deeper in the role play.

Baby Girl: So Mrs. T. , what is that good smell that I am smelling.

Momma: Oh that is my dinner in the slow cooker.

Baby Girl: (Momma invite me to dinner)

Momma: Well Nurse cutie pa tootie, would you like to join us for dinner?

Baby Girl: Well certainly, now would you like to schedule your next shot.

Momma: Oh I think that I will just not leave the house so I wont have to fear catching anything contagious, so I am thinking no more shots for me.

Momma: I know lets play like I have injured myself due to all the hard work I do around here and I have to lay on the couch all afternoon and you and your fellow nurses have to care for me and bring me drinks and fluff my pillow and hand me the remote and oh I dont know what ever else I can think of.

Wish me luck, I bet it wont last 2 minutes!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

There's Something To Say For Small Town Fun

On the 4th of July we went to Aunt P and Uncle R's home town (which happens to be the same small town that I lived in until my parents divorced) to celebrate our country's Independence Day.

(If you have not read the blog Who Said We Cheated, you must)

After the parade was over there were all these kids on their bikes, four wheelers and motorcycles having a blast just riding all over main street that was closed down for the games that were to follow the parade.

I looked at those kids acting like a bunch of.......well, kids.

I looked at my kids who were acting like they were on the brink of death due to the heat and humidity of the day.

I wished that my children could have grown up in that small town and was running around acting like a group of recently set free caged animals.

Rather than worrying about who is going to text next on the cell phone and who is hanging out at the local city pool that day or who may be at the mall on Friday night.

Or my favorite (NOT) who said what on My Space.

Now I know that kids in the country can get the Internet and I am sure that many of them have a My Space page as well as their city neighbors.

But those little country bumpkins also have space to roam and to explore, room to dig, room to ride those bikes and four wheelers, bugs to catch, and more stars to see at night then those of us who live in a city.

Who really needs:

200 channels of cable TV to chose from.

Another Starbucks

A new clothing store at the mall

Or another fast food chain site

Now later that evening when we went to the towns firework display something else happened that made me realize another thing that I like about a small town.

Every time they lit a firework that would light up the sky that would make not only your mouth smile but your eyes also. You could hear in the distance people whooping and hollering like they just won $500 bucks off a scratch off lotto card.

People who were not afraid to show that they were having a good time and were happy to be a part of the celebration.

I don't know about your city but my city is full of people that would not say crap if they had a mouth full.

I am sure that it would not be polite or correct to show that type of emotion.

Who cares what Mrs. and Mr. Goody Two Shoes thinks.

Sometimes you got to just let it out.

Let loose and enjoy life.

I hope you find something to whoop and holler about today.

I know I will!

College Headaches

I have been spending my morning doing something that I asked Baby Boy to work on Many Many months ago.
The FAFSA application!!!!!!!!

He drives me crazy when he puts things off.

I hope to find time later to write.

Enjoy this overcast day.

It's a good day for picture taking.

Monday, July 7, 2008

The Kids Won't Let Me On Long Enough

I have something to write about but I have banned all electronics until all of our chores are done and someone picks up a book around here.

So that means me too.

I'll lift the ban later.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Who Said We Cheated!

Well if you have been reading up on my latest news you will already know that on the 4th we were attending a small town parade and they were to have games for the kids.
One of the games was a turtle race.

So guess what we did three nights in a row

We went out burning our almost $4 a gallon gasoline looking for a stinking turtle.

Each night we lucked out.

Each night I watched Baby Girl turn on her sad eyes.

Baby Girl: Well, I guess we are going home empty handed again Momma.

Momma: I know sweetheart, we are trying and we wont give up, we will take all the back roads on the morning of the parade and see if we come locate a turtle.

Momma: Ok sweetheart.

Baby Girl: :(

Well the morning of the parade I take the back roads and man there are too many other drivers on the back roads. Don't these people know we are hunting turtle.

Car after car passes me as Not The Baby and Baby Girl have their heads hanging out the window like puppies in the wind.

Brat Baby is thinking we are really wasting our time.

Then all of a sudden way ahead I see this hump on the other side of the road.

Could it be?

But shoot there is a car on my tail.

I slow down thinking I will make them pass me so I can stop the car if it is a turtle.

Then I think to myself, Oh no what if they pass me and then run over the poor unsuspecting racer.

So I speed up.

Baby Girl: TURTLE!

Not The Baby: TURTLE

Brat Baby: TURTLE

Momma: Yes! A Turtle, we rock!

I have no choice but to go further down the road so that I can turn around and get on the same side of the road as the turtle since I have speed demons on my tail.

Right away all the kids start yelling, "What are you doing , you just passed the turtle, did you not see it?"

Momma: I know but do you want us to get killed over this turtle. I am going to turn around and go back.

I go down the road, turn around and just as we are headed in the direction of our beloved tortoise a black pickup truck with a country boy in it pulls to the side of the road.

Momma: Wait, what are they doing.

Not The Baby: Hey I think they are getting our turtle.

Brat Baby: Hey tell him that's our turtle.

Baby Girl: (cry, cry, cry)

And sure enough he picks up our turtle.

I drive by slowly.

Country Boy just stares at me like he has beat me to the gold.

I have to turn the car around to get headed in the direction of the small town where the parade and turtle race that we will not have a turtle for is.

We again drive by slowly.

While we are driving by every Baby and Momma in the car is looking at this Country Boy (who I think is getting creeped out by our looks) like he just took the bottle out of our newborns mouth.

Not The Baby & Baby Girl: Now what Momma, No turtle for the turtle race!

Momma: I am not giving up yet we only have about two miles until we hit the small town USA but I have a plan of going down another back road.

This time the back road is more back roadish then the other back road.

I drive a ways and Not The Baby who is scared of a LOT of things is not liking the way that these back roads look to her.

Momma: Just a little ways longer and then I will turn around.

The thought of Baby Girls face at the turtle race without a turtle has me a little scared.

Not The Baby: Where are we?

Not The Baby: Just turn around Momma, I mean really all of this for a turtle.

Momma: OK let me go a little bit further and then I will turn around.

I must admit, I was a little nervous.

All of our efforts were not paying off.

I turn the car around.

As we are headed back to the main road a deer is in the middle of the road and he runs along side the car before he jumps the fence.

I think to myself well, that was worth the drive out to no where land.

I tell the girls to not give up, keep searching!

Then all of a sudden I slam on the brakes, Not The Babies nose hits my seat, Baby Girl has a terrified look on her face and Brat Baby is saying " What the heck are you doing."

Momma: Over there, I saw something on the side of the road.

Momma: Brat Baby go get it!

Brat Baby: How on earth did you see that?

Momma: Mommas have a keen eye sight.

Brat Baby is so sweeet she hops right out to get that turtle for her little sister.

Baby Girl: Momma it is hissing at Brat Baby.

Momma: Hurry Brat Baby just toss it in the box.

I do a little "I found a turtle, I found a turtle, I found a turtle, Hey Hey Hey Hey" dance.

Not The Baby: Oh great! we got a mean turtle.

Momma: Well it may eat it's way to the finish line!

Baby Girl: I don't like mean turtles!
Not The Baby: I'm scared!
Momma: Well I hope it doesn't eat it way out of the box and through the trunk of the car and into the back seat.

Momma: Just jokin

I love doing that to her, and I only do it because she gives everyone else in our house such a hard time, all the time!
Well we meet up with my favorite Aunt P and Uncle R.
I tell them that we were so lucky, we found a turtle , but he is mean.
Uncle R takes one look and our turtle and jumps back.

Uncle R: Oh you got a snapper!

Momma: A snapper?
Uncle R: Yeah, if that things gets ahold of your finger it can bite it off!

I instantly think of Country Boy who stole our sweet little box turtle and here I have to pick up the cousin of Azazel (aka our four month old dog)

Maybe I should take him home for a family reunion!
Oh well, we are going to make the best of it and take this little hisser to the race.
After we get there we are warning every little boy that is wanting to look at our turtle that this is the devil so stay far away or you may not be able to pick your buggers anymore.
At the race we are nice enough to warn the Sweet Gentleman that is getting all of the turtles underneath the bucket ready for the race that he might want to be careful not to get close to our turtles mouth.
He takes one look at our turtle and turns to the lady that is in charge of the race and says:

Sweet Gentlemen: Are snappers legal this year?

Momma: Legal, legal, are you kidding. I had know idea what I was getting when I turned on county bumpkin road. Heck I live in the city. I am not up on the different types of turtles.

I don't even look at Baby Girl, I can feel her getting ready for disappointment.

Momma: It's not Baby Girls fault, let her race. Please.

Then when the lady helping the Sweet Gentlemen does not respond to his concern even after asking her three times he just throws the turtle under the bucket and kind of gives me a dirty look.

While we are waiting for the race to start thoughts start going through my mind.

What if he raises the bucket and our turtle had eaten the heads off of all the innocent box turtles and then comes after all these hot and sweaty toes that are waiting to see a race.

Oh I cant hardly stand it.
Sweet Gentleman lifts the bucket up, there are so many turtles under the bucket that they are stacked up on top of each and he had to push them off.

And while he is doing that our little demon turtle is heading out of the winning circle and about to eat the toes of some little cowboy wearing his cool sandal.
Momma: Watch out for that turtle!!

Momma: Baby Girl we just won the race!!

Momma: Seriously watch out for that turtle!!

They started to give out the winning ribbons and they were forgetting our first place ribbon.
They were about to give it to someone else.
Momma: Excuse me Kind Lady but my Baby Girl won first place.

Kind Lady just ignores me.

Clearly she must be a momma too for she has the ignoring thing mastered.

Momma: I know we won with an evil turtle but please don't take it out on the child, can I have the first place ribbon please!

Kind Lady says to another Kind Lady that is handing out the ribbons "Give her the Ribbon."

They then toss me the ribbon, really they just tossed it to me like we were cheaters or something.
I took it to Baby Girl where we did a victory turtle race dance.

I then gave Not The Baby strict instructions to take the turtle as far away from civilization as she could and dump it.

Right after she let the turtle go a little boy who was riding his bike was watching Not The Baby the whole time she was ditching the turtle and he went after that turtle.
I told my clan to turn around and walk as fast as we can just in case he starts screaming that his finger is being digested into the stomach of the evil tortoise.
I don't want to be held responsible for his injuries.
Momma: Hey, Not The Baby, did you happen to wipe our name off the back of that little devil?

Evil Snapper!
Poor Box turtles din not have a chance, our turtle had already won the race!

Proud and Hot Baby Girl with her First Place ribbon.

Not The Baby and Brat Baby lookin pretty for the parade.
These girls are ready to get this parade started.
Who doesn't love a clown? Yes it's Hot!

These guys are having too much fun!

I just had to take this mans picture.Love It!

Uncle Sam was actually playing tunes on his flute!

Now that's country.

What my girl not diving for candy, you know she's hot now.

I told her she should have gotten to bed earlier.

The Ship Is Coming In To Dock!

Forgive me for not being able to tell you yet of all the fun I had yesterday celebrating the 4th.

That is because Christopher Columbus (aka Baby Boy) is on his way home as I type.

I am frantically cleaning the house throwing out orders to the help (the babies) as to how to help me get this house in order.

Wish me luck.

Forget that, say a prayer please that the next thirty days goes way better than the last thirty days we had with Baby Boy.

For that matter since I have four bambinos just say a prayer for me everyday of my life, If you have time to think of me that is!

I will do the same for you!

Happy July 5th!

Friday, July 4, 2008

Happy Independence Day

Celebrate Today!

Go out or stay in but be with family or friends.

Eat some beef.

Eat some apple pie.



Get so full that you have to take a nap before night fall.

Play a game.

Place your hand on your heart today.

Be thankful.

Watch a parade with little t-ballers throwing candy at you.

Watch some fireworks, or shoot some yourself.

Enjoy just being a part of the Free Country we call the U.S.A.

I hope that your fourth will be a BLAST!

Happy 4th of July 2008!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Most Embarrassing Moments Part 1

Where ever shall I start with this blog.

I am sure that a lot of you have embarrassing moments that people like to raz you about.

I however feel like my family really likes giving me a hard time more so than most peoples family.

Every time we get together with family they tell the same damn stories over and over like we haven't heard it before.

So over time I am going to publish these embarrassing moments and get them out there in the world and let them GO!

Which means family and friends that they will not need to be discussed any longer after they are published.

So Here goes Momma's Moment #1:

The year was 1994.

The season was summer.

The gas was cheap.

Our family of 5 at the time lived in a rent house on the east side of town with a little stream running behind it.

It was nice other than the fact that the carpets were so dirty your socks turned black if you forgot to keep your shoes on and accidentally walked on the carpet.

It was nice other than the fact that they made the garage into a huge living room and did not insulate it.

But hey we did what we had to do and we made the best of it, like we always do.

Baby Boy was in Kindergarten and Brat Baby was a toddler walking around lookin Oh so cute and Not The Baby, well ,she was actually a baby then and a fat one at that.

I so loved the outdoors that I wanted to bring a little of it inside.

So I bought the kids a bird.

It was sweet.

It did however make a mess.

That bird would throw it seeds everywhere and I was constantly cleaning the cage.

Maybe the bird was not the best idea in the world.

But hey I am not one who likes to be proven wrong so I made the best of the situation and I cleaned the bird cage everyday without complaining.

Papa of course did not want a bird or any animals for that matter, so I could not let on that the bird was a bad idea.

Well I was getting tuckered out cleaning that bird cage every single day.

Since I vacuum everyday I thought to myself I will save some time and I will just use the hose on the vacuum to suck up all those leftover bird seed shells that the little clipped wing wonder was throwing all of his cage and my carpet.

First I start outside of the cage and it kind of freaks the bird out.

I tell the bird to get over it, and unless it is going to clean up its own mess then deal with it.

Yes, I talk to animals wish I could make Dr. Doolittle money doing it.

I try to suck up the seeds that are on the bottom of the bird cage from outside of the bird cage but I can't reach it all.

So I gently raise the door on the cage. I am worried that the bird will try to fly out of the cage but it just ran to the corner of the cage and stared at me, I could swear I could see its little heart beating right through its chest.

"Almost done little Polly!" I tell it.

Then just as I am about to turn off the vacuum the darn bird goes toward the hose.

No man don't go into the darkness..........go to the light!

That's right , yes its what your thinking.


Well wouldn't you know Baby Boy was watching me this whole time rather than playing with his Pokemon cards.

Baby Boy: OH MOMMA! What have you done Momma? Where is the bird Momma? Why would you do that Momma?

Momma: What? What? What? I , I , I don't know why. I mean why would that stupid bird go towards the vacuum.

Baby Boy: Momma is he dead?

Momma: I don't know honey!

Momma: I don't know what to do.

Momma: I don't know if I can remember how to do CPR.

Momma: Go call your Papa!

Momma: No wait! Don't call Papa! As a matter of fact don't call anyone.

Baby Boy:Oh my Oh my where is my little Polly.

Baby Boy is now talking to the vacuum.

Baby Boy: Polly, Polly are you in there? Momma didn't mean to suck you up. Hold on Polly we will get you out of there!

Momma: Oh right, get Polly out.

Why did I not think of that.

I don't always think when trauma is happening to me.

Momma: OK Baby Boy we are going to take the vacuum bag out of the vacuum and take it outside near the trash can and open it up.

I gently remove the bag.

I feel no movement.

I hear nothing.

Though I am sure that Polly's lungs are filled with dirt and he is unable to breathe.

Oh my gosh I have killed my child's Polly all because I wanted to save a few steps in cleaning. How will he ever forgive me. I have scared him for life.

I'm not worthy.. I'm not worthy

So by this time I have another spectator that has joined us.

Brat Baby is asking Baby Boy what is going on.

Baby Boy responds:

Sister I think momma has just murdered our bird.

Brat Baby: Is Momma going to go to jail?

Baby Boy: I don't know sissy but if she does I will take care of you.

Momma: What jail? No Momma is not going anywhere. It was an accident, they will let me off I am sure of it.

Momma: OK kiddos maybe you should look away while I open this bag just in case the scene is too gruesome for you to witness.

I cut the bag open.

Oh crap I should not have used scissors, Polly could have been alive and I might of just cut its head off.

I open the bag up a little.

Still no movement.

Still no sound.

Then like any caged bird would react. The bird flew out of the dirty vacuum bag coughing as he flew.

Polly was never heard of or seen again.

Now of course the kids were sad that they lost their bird but can you imagine the joy in their hearts to know that their Momma was not a murderer. I was going to get to continue to raise my children without bars between us.

I sit down and talked to the kids about everything that happened.

I apologized for doing something so stupid.

I told them everyone makes mistakes, even Momma.

I also told them that I was very upset about the whole thing and it would be a good idea not to tell anyone about it . Otherwise if they told people than it would make me upset to think about it and I would probably start crying.

The kids did good.

They didn't tell Everyone they saw.

Well that was until Baby Boy was sitting in church that Sunday and when the preacher asked anyone if they had any prayer request.

Baby Boy raised his little 5 year old arm and asked for every ones prayers for his bird that his Momma had sucked up in the vacuum.

I think that church had to be cancelled do to everyone peeing theirs pants out of laughter.

That's Moment #1