Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Not The Baby With Her Honesty

If anyone is honest in my house it is Not The Baby.

Not The Baby is capable of giving the truth without making anyone angry. (most of the time)

On Saturday when I was having a great time with the kids we visited my favorite fast food place to eat, Chick fil a.

While we were eating Baby Boy and Baby Girl were arguing, which I must admit happens a lot. And would you believe that Baby Boy starts most of the arguments. Then Baby Girl being a child of mine feels like she must win every argument.

Baby Boy feels like I am not raising Baby Girl the same way that I chose to raise him.

I knew this day would come but I really expected it later on in life though.

Baby Boy says that I am way too easy on Baby Girl.

Baby Boy says that I am willing to let Baby Girl get away with a lot more than I let him get away with.

(secretly I am going to tell you that I do let her get away with more, but not things that are bad behavior, or at least I don't think I am. Just with things like sports and the way that she dresses and stuff like that)

When I had Baby Boy I did everything by the book.

If his pacifier fell on the floor it required a sterilizing.

If Baby Boy wanted to eat a piece of candy then it required a teeth brushing immediately following the eating of candy.

Baby Boy was required a full balanced meal at every meal.

Baby Boy was required to follow every safety measure.

If Momma felt like it was not safe than Baby Boy was not allowed to do it, and you would be surprised at how many un-safe things there are in this world.

Baby Boy was required to be clean at all times (this part I was given a very hard time by my family).

Baby Boy had to look good all the time!

Things do change in time.

I had two other children (Brat Baby and Not The Baby).

Then 13 years later I gave birth to Baby Girl.

I decided to nurse Baby Girl, which is something that I did not do with my other kids. Not because I love Baby Girl more but that I came to a point in my life when I did not fear nursing.

Baby Boy has said to me at least 100 times that he did not get the teat.

Yes you heard me right, Baby Boy was jealous that he did not get breast feed. He feels like that somehow is saying that I wanted to give the best to Baby Girl and not to him or the other children.

I tried explaining to him that as you get older you get smarter (well hopefully, ok not always) and being a parent is a learning experience. "If had it to do all over again I would have teat fed all of you if I knew better!"

If Baby Girl wants to wear her cheetah bikini everyday during the summer than I let her!
(yes even to "I don't know if we have it -Mart")

If she wanted to jump off a six foot diving board then I encouraged her, and encouraged her to do it quickly before she had time to get scared. (without floaties)

That may be why she is my best swimmer, you think?

When Baby Boy was in the first grade his teacher wanted to meet with me. She told me that she was concerned with Baby Boy, she said" Baby Boy thinks that there are perfect people in this world and that he intends to be one of them."


Maybe I am responsible for that.

Of course my reply to the teacher was "Oh what a silly thing to say, I am not sure where he got that."

Now I never told Baby Boy word for word that there are perfect people in this world and that he needed to be one of them but I did show him that his world needed to be perfect.

When Baby Boy was home this weekend he came to watch Baby Girl play soccer and he made the comment "Baby Girl can get away with playing lazy!"
I said "What are you talking about?"

Baby Boy said that when he was playing soccer and other sports (He played EVERYTHING) that we (Papa and I) did not let him get away with playing anything but his best.

Actually his words were: "Papa used to tell me either play like I know you can or I am taking your butt off the field."

OOPPS I vaguely remember saying that also! (But I still say that to all of my kids, I just try to do it better. Like "Baby Girl, is something wrong?" "If not I need you to try your hardest or maybe if you are too tired or sick then we just need to have you sit out.")

If I could make a comparison about my parenting when Baby Boy was a little tyke to the parenting that I have been practicing with Baby Girl it would be June Cleaver vs. Save The World Hippie Momma.

Oh and Baby Boy was required to get rid of his pacifier and bottle the day he turned 1 (because that is what the books said I should do)

Baby Girl nursed until she was 2 1/2.

I did my research and all studies show that we should breastfeed until two years old.

For benefits like: breastfed babies are 37 per cent less likely to develop type 2 diabetes, they’re 22 per cent less likely to be overweight or obese and breastfeeding also significantly reduces their chances of developing high blood pressure and high cholesterol. In addition, breastfed children also perform significantly better in intelligence tests. For mums, breastfeeding reduces their chances of getting breast and ovarian cancer in the future. And, while they’re still breastfeeding their child, it helps the uterus to contract and so promotes weight loss, using up to 500 calories a day.

This all according to the World Health Organization.

Even though my family started asking me before she was six months old, "When are you going to stop nursing."

Family can really suck sometimes!

So back to the restaurant and Not The Babies truth telling abilities.

We were sitting at the table eating that heavenly chicken (I wish I could make chicken just like that) and Baby Boy and Baby Girl are arguing about something and Not The Baby looks at me and says " Looky, there are your two Babies arguing and your other two kids that you give ugly names to (Brat and Not The Baby) are sitting here like a couples of angels. Looks to me like you named us wrong on your blog Momma."

Damn I hate it when she is right!

Monday, September 29, 2008

I Got To Breathe This Weekend!

Baby Boy called me Friday night and said that his game was cancelled and that the coach was giving the team the weekend off.

Now I must admit that after the summer from hell with him this last summer that I am sometimes terrified when he comes home for any length of time. Just because I do not need any other stress inflicters in my life.

He does not have a car so I have to pick him up when he wants to come home unless someone from the college is coming this way.

So I said "Well I can come and get you tonight because in the morning Baby Girl has a soccer game."

Baby Boy: "Well I have plans tonight, so can you pick me up before her game in the morning?"

Momma: "Sure even though I almost never get to sleep in but sure."

So I picked him up had a great visit all the way home we had a great soccer game and then Baby Boy, Brat Baby and I all went shopping.

Now that Brat Baby is rolling in the dough with her job she wanted to take her wardrobe challenged Momma out to buy her something new to wear.

Brat Baby bought me two shirts and I love them, she was also nice enough to buy her brother a shirt that he needed for a meeting that he has today.

After all our shopping it was time to head out of town to Not The Babies soccer game. Papa decided to stay home rather than be squished in the car for an hour trip.

I am secretly glad he did (well maybe I am not that secret about it since I have told several people) because it gave me and the kids time to talk and laugh and well laugh some more.

We are the obnoxious family at the restaurant laughing their heads off and everyone is turning around to see what is so funny.

I took Baby Boy back to school last night and chalked this weekend up as a great one.

Oh we had a few arguments in the house but that is a given.

I just love it when we are all together and happy to be that way!

I am happy to say "Happy Monday!"

I hope your weekend brought you sheer joy as mine did.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Ok Maybe One Little Post

Last night when I went to pick up Brat Baby she said that her throat was hurting.

I told her it is probably all the drainage.

She said what drainage?

I told her I could hear the drainage in the way she was talking and tried to explain to her what happens with that drainage and how it can cause a sore throat.

(I must go back and tell you that earlier that evening she called me from work and told me that she was not feeling well and explained her symptoms. I told her that she will be ok and she chose to abruptly end our conversation on the telephone either that or we were disconnected.)

Now Brat Baby can be a hypochondriac at times. It's not her fault it has been passed down to her from my side of the family. I however did not get that gene passed to me Thank God but it did make its way into Brat Baby.

Not to mention last week Brat Baby told me that she did not feel good and I let her stay home from school and when I get home from work she is feeling just fine.

Oh Not The Baby and Baby Girl did that to me the week before.

So I told all the girls that you must be vomiting or have fever before you can stay at home again.

Then Brat Baby tells me this morning, "Not that I am trying to stay home or anything (I think to myself, yeah whatever) but I want you to know I had a fever last night."

"Really" I said "Did you take it with the Thermometer?"

"Yes" she said.

"What was the temperature then" I ask her.

"98.2" Brat Baby replies.

"Sweetie that is not a fever" I tell her.

"yes it is" Brat Baby tells me.

"Well ok lets say it is even though it is not."

"You better get ready for school!"

Prayers Going Up All Over The Place!

Please take a moment to say a little prayer for a baby just born and one that left this world.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Happy Thursday!

Today I am going to be all alone at school so I am going to hold out on writing a post since I need to get to work early and I was out late last night (well later than I am used to) watching Baby Boy play soccer.

It was good to see him.

Oh and we have two more kittens........UGH UGH UGH

We will be giving them away as soon as they get old enough and the hoochy momma cat will be visiting a vet to solve her baby producing issues.

I hope you have a great Thursday!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Sound Off Wednesday!

Yesterday I took the girls and No Sugar For Me Girl to my favorite fast food Mexican restaurant since we were short on time and had practices and birthday parties to go to.

I was third in line to place an order and the gentlemen that was currently placing an order was an elderly man. The patient and soft spoken teenager that was taking his order told him how much his order came to.

However the elderly man was hard of hearing.

The teenager kept repeating the amount that the man needed to pay but in a voice that even I could barely hear.

The gentlemen was not understanding him, but then he started digging in his wad of cash and pulled out a bill and I thought he then understood.

All the while this teenage little smart ass girl was snickering at the elderly mans confusion.

In my mind I am getting angry and thinking what should I do.

I think the elderly man almost has it and I don't want to embarrass him by helping him if he understands now and I want to say something to this little blonde hair twig also.

I tell myself "Momma you do not have to react to everything you see, sometimes you should do nothing and say nothing."

I tell myself "I know that but what if it was someone that I loved, what if that is me one day or my children. "

Finally they hand the man his food and he then is not sure whether or not he has paid, even though he just did that.

At that moment, my heart cried and the shit in front of me snickered again.

As the man walked by me to carry his food out the door I wanted to hug him, I wanted to cry.

Aging scares me and I hope I get over this fear before long.

Then the teenage nit wit says to the soft spoken taco server, "I cant believe you could keep a straight face." Then she snickers again.

Ok, keep my mouth shut, I think not!

I say to her " Don't laugh sweetheart it could be you someday!"

Have a great Wednesday!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Not The Baby Issues

I believe I have told you about some of Not The Babies issues before but just in case you may have forgotten.

Not The Baby is TERRIFIED of almost everything!

Last night at Baby Girls soccer practice Picture Momma had a grasshopper on her shoulder and Not The Baby started screaming at the top of her lungs:


Picture Momma: Get it off, get it off

Not The Baby turns and runs.

Fortunately she survived all the bugs at soccer.

Then after I got Baby Girl to sleep it was time to go pick up Brat Baby from work. I told Not The Baby that she needed to get to sleep.

Not The Baby: Please don't leave me here Momma.

Momma: Baby you are not here by yourself, Papa and Baby Girl are here with you.

Not The Baby: Papa wont move fast enough if I need him in an emergency. Can I please go with you?

Momma: Babe you really need to get to sleep.


Momma: Ok fine!

So we are headed down the semi-country road and it is dark of course and Not The Baby says to me "Don't you get scared at night when you go pick up Brat Baby by yourself?"

Momma: No

Momma: What is there to be scared of?

Not The Baby: Well I will never be able to drive down a dark road like this all alone.

I am thinking I will tell Not The Baby that she can live with us as long as she wants (you know as long as she goes to college and then gets a great job and saves up for that dream home).

I tell her there is nothing to worry about.

But would you believe that this was the most eventful ride to pick up Brat Baby that I have ever had.

First I see this dog over on the side of the road running and I can hear a mans voice yelling.

Oh good I think the little doggie is going home, but the man keeps yelling so I start thinking "crap man look around your dog is on its way" and his yelling gets louder and then:

bark bark bark bark

I almost have a heart attack, another dog of the yelling mans is trying to eat my wheels as I am driving, do I speed up do I slow down. I never know what to do when a dog chases my car. So I speed up, then I slow down. Damn that little dog is fast. Like greyhound fast only a smaller version, like chihuahua size.

Not The Baby is yelling, you better not run over him or I will never forgive you!

What! Never forgive me this four legged little shit is the one you need to get angry with, these rubbers on the car are not cheap and if he eats them, you will be walking everywhere little Missy.

But thankfully we survived, the tires survived, the dog survived and luckily Not The Baby is still on speaking terms with me.

So the ride that was not to be scary had already turned a little frightening to Not The Baby.

Then would you believe that we saw not one, not two, not three, but Four emergency vehicles on our way to pick up Brat Baby!

All of which were going different directions, not going to the same place.

So we are driving down the road and the lights are coming upon us and the sirens are getting louder and Not The Baby is saying, "Don't you dare stop on this bridge Momma, I don't care what is coming up behind us, Don't you dare stop on this bridge."

Wow a new fear sweetheart, I had no idea you had issues with bridges.

I can just hear her now in therapy when she is thirty something.

Therapist: Well Not The Baby, tell me what it is that you really fear.

Not The Baby: Ok lets see, I fear bugs, dark, cars that go bump, loud nosies, children that don't hold their mothers hand when they cross the road, stairs, scary looking pictures, scary movies, scary noises, scary books, books about dogs that get hurt, any animal that might be in danger, hot water, dripping water, someone clearing their throat, teachers that made me stop talking in class, buses, dark clouds, thunder, lightening, wind, Oh and yes don't forget Bridges.

Ok maybe Not The Baby is not as bad as I just said, then again maybe she is.

It is so weird for her to be scared of so many things because believe it or not she is one of my toughest kids. I mean the girl is really really tough!

I hope it is nothing I have done to her.

Oh God don't let me be the topic of conversation in the therapist office.

Well I hope your Tuesday is unfearful and pleasant.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Devil Dog Devil Dog

99.9% of the time I can not stand our dog.

Every time I turn around he is tearing up something.

What's that you ask?

Do I give him toys and bones to keep him busy?

This stupid dog has more toys and bones than any other dog we have owned.

For example this weekend we just got back in town from Baby Girl whipping up on some Huskies on the soccer field.

I had to get up a little earlier than I normally do on a Saturday so that Not The Baby could catch a volleyball bus before the sun rose, so I was a little tired.

I thought I would get me a 20 minute power nap.

I lay down, I was cold.

Papa had the fan on full blast.

Momma: Baby Girl will you get me a blanket honey.

Baby Girl: Ok Momma

Still I am cold.

Momma: Baby Girl will you come and lay down with me I am still freezing.

Baby Girl: Ok Momma but only for a minute I am playing.

Finally I am not freezing, finally I am drifting slowly off.

I can feel my body starting to relax to that point to where your body feels so heavy that you could not get up even if you wanted to.

My eyes are finally not seeing the light through my eye lids and I am in napping heaven.

Cough cough cough cough cough

That damn dog just put half of his body weight and those sharp ass nails and those pads that need some lotion right on my THROAT!

Devil Dog Devil Dog

Ok I recover from that traumatic experience and I attempt to go back to sleep.

I am drifting but not quite feeling that whole heavy body thing, but I am about to go.

slurp slurp slurp slurp

What the hell, the kitten is licking my face.

Go away sweet little pain in my butt kitty.

Ok last time if I get woke up one more time I am going to give up.

crunch crunch crunch

Sound like devil dog has a hanger.

I don't even care, I hope that hurts coming out the other end butt hole!

I keep my eyes close and pretend that I don't have a dog and that is Papa chewing on some chips or whatever else it is that he likes to munch on.


Man Papa you are going to break a tooth, I am thinking as I continue to keep my eyes shut.


Momma: What what ???

Baby Girl: Rex just ate your sunglasses!

Baby Girl: Oh are you awake Momma?

Momma: Yes I am awake already honey can you believe it?

Momma: Do Momma a favor, put that dog outside, open the side gate, put an ad in the paper, set out a free sign, send him on his way with a bag of food and just let me get five minutes of uninterrupted silence.

Momma: If you don't mind sweetheart!

Oh if you think this is all the devil dog stories I have, I am sorry to tell you that I could write one every single day!

I need the dog whisper guy!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Happy Foggy Sunday

I didn't even think it was possible for my body to stay in bed past 7am but it did.

There is this beautiful fog that I have been missing while being lazy and laying in bed.

I wish to go no where today and just take in the fresh outdoor air with the Babies.

I hope your Sunday brings you plenty of fresh air to breathe in .

Have a good one!

Friday, September 19, 2008

A Conversation With Baby Girl.

Last night Brat Baby had work and Not The Baby had two sports practices and Papa was home resting from his long day at work.

(I do sometimes question how tiring his day really was, but that is another conversation all together)

So that left just Baby Girl and I all alone for a couple of hours and I needed to make a Wal-Greens run so by the time we were done with that I am thinking hey there are only two of us and anytime there is only a couple of us we must go out to eat.

Seeing that when we are all together the cost of eating out for our family cost us not only an arm but also a leg. We usually jump on an outing for dinner with only a few of the bambinos.

So Baby Girl looks at me and says, "You know what I want don't you Momma?"

Well of course I do.

Baby Girl is in love with McCallisters.

While we are eating our dinner we are having lots of conversation, this girl can talk both legs off.
(Man there is a lot of limb loss in this post today, sorry)

Baby Girl starts telling me about an incident that happened on the playground today.

Baby Girl: There was this kid that kicked me today.

Momma: Oh my honey, why would they do that?

Baby Girl: I don't know, but they did.

Momma: What did you do about it?

Baby Girl: Nothin!

Momma: WHAT! A baby not taking up for herself, not telling that little punk kickin turd to leave you alone or his world will come crashing down on him like the stock market!

Baby Girl: What does that mean?

Momma: Well I don't actually know, but I know it's bad.

Baby Girl: Well see Momma I have friends.

Momma: Yes sweetheart I know you have friends, but what does that have to do with it.

Baby Girl: Well when you have a BFF like I do it has a lot to do with it.

Momma: Huh?

Baby Girl: Well my BFF saw little punk kickin butt turd kick me and she turned into the Tasmanian devil and went after that little punk kickin turd.

Momma: WOW

Baby Girl: Then a another boy came up to me.

Boy Watching: Man Baby Girl, where can I get a butt kickin BFF like that?

Baby Girl: You just need some friends!

Boy Watching: OK, I take the Tasmanian devil there.

Baby Girl: Oh no honey, that ones mine!

I swear this conversation happened the way I wrote it but even better and believe it or not she gave me another one to write about for another day.

You want to hear the cool part.

My Baby Girls BFF's Momma is also a best friend of mine and I think that she would kick some punk tail for me if I needed her to.

I hope you have a BFF that would do the same for you!

Happy Butt Kickin Friday!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Oh Mrs. Momma!

Ok most of you already know that I work with pre-k students every day and I love, love , love my job.

The first year I started in the public school system was the worst year we have had as of yet. And then the next year was way way better.

Those kids are that I had two years ago was the most loving group of kids.

There was one boy in particular that would make sure that every day he told me that I looked nice.

There was also this time when I wore this pair of Capri's that were brightly colored and one of the kids says to me "Hey you wore those the other day (well actually it was last week and man have you seen my pay checks here, there is no money for clothes baby)"

Now the minute that child said that another little boy sits up and says "So,I like her pants!"

Now I tell you what,I don't get that much love from any other place other than my own babies and now a days with 3/4 of them teenagers and older I get cut down more than complimented.

So this year I think is actually going to top the class that I had two years ago, not because they are better kids but because the whole class is loving and complimenting.

One little girl findssomething to compliment me on everyday.

But the best one yet and yet the weirdest one yet was when the other day a little girl looks at my picture on my badge (which was taken four years ago when I was about fifty pounds lighter and much less stressed) and says to me, "Man you were HOT".

Ok I thought I just was not hearing her right, so I asked her what she said.

Momma: I'm sorry what honey?

Little Girl: I said you were hot!

Oh that is sweet I think and then I think that I don't like hearing the word HOT from a four year old and then I have to remind myself that times are changing and the word pretty has been formally changed to Hot.

Then I think to myself, great stop fooling yourself Momma, you are no longer HOT even though sometimes when I look in the mirror I try to only look at the upper half instead of the fat ass that keeps growing because I refuse to leave my house other than the times that I am constantly running my children all over the earth.

So another little girl that makes my heart melt every time that she smiles at me says to me, I think you are still HOT.

So I am going to walk around like I am Jessica Simpson.

Ok maybe not Jessica

I am going to walk around like I am Angelina Jolie.

Well only if Brad will be my man because I am totally not into the whole blood in a vile around my neck kind of woman.

Alright well maybe I should Be Stacy's mom (you know that song that goes "Stacy's mom has got it goin on")

Whatever I will be me and think that I might have a chance of being HOT since a four year old says I am and hey kids do tell the truth!

Don't They???

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Peace Off!

Here is another stupid story about myself.

It is amazing how many of these stories I have to tell.

One day we are driving back from a soccer tournament.

Which by the way Baby Girl has been to more soccer games in her life than any other thing else, no wonder she plays soccer.

Back to my story we are on our way back from a soccer tournament on a two lane road and behind us is some crazy insane person driving as if he has a death wish. We watch him carefully and try to stay away from him, he continues to ride our butt and then as soon as we get to a four way crossing he races around me even though there is a car headed right towards me, he swerves right in front of me just in time and we are all speechless with fear.

Then when everyone comes to when they realized that we just did not die everyone in our van says FLIP HIM OFF (OK not Baby Girl, that will come later), FLIP HIM OFF.

I am angry that he almost hurt my babies and I am trying to drive and so I roll down my window, stick my had out the door.

Everyone is cheering me on.

And I give him the PEACE sign.

Papa starts laughing, "what the hell is that?" he says.

"I don't know, I guess I forgot how to flip someone off, I mean it is not something I do everyday."

Then guess who everyone starts laughing at.....that's right, me the Momma!

So on this Wednesday I say to you:

Peace Off and I mean it in the nicest way!

Monday, September 15, 2008


Picture Momma took my garage sale lap top that was ancient and because of her lap top kicking the bucket she took the good stuff out of hers and put it in mine and now I have a lap top to just get on the Internet with. Now don't get to excited I cant do too much with this old geezer but hey it will do what we needed it to do.

So Picture Momma even came over and got it going with our other computer.

Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP!

So to you Picture Momma I give you the:

Because You are a Champion my friend!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Praise His Name ......The Cable Guy That Is!

The heavens have opened up its gates and my favorite cable guy visited my house today and they moved my Internet connection from the gates of hell (Brat Babies room) to an area where I can have access at any given time of day.

So soon I will be joining you in blogging heaven.

Monday, September 8, 2008


Sure I know everyone does, but today I really hate Monday's.

Yesterday was Baby Boy's 20th birthday and it was stressful and it didn't even have anything to do with him.

I wanted to write a blog all about him and now I am late on doing that.

I am in desperate need of a mental health day.

While I am waiting for that mental health day I am going to try to just breathe.

Who the hell am I fooling, I am hyperventilating here people.

Happy Freakin Monday!

Friday, September 5, 2008

How Brat Baby Keeps Her Name!

I can go on and on about the ways that Brat Baby is able to still retain the head position as Brat in our family but I will just share with you something that happened to me less than five minutes ago.

I wont even share last night or the day before.

I am practicing control.

Which brings me to my next blog, Momma practicing control.

Anyway back to my story.

We have one bathroom in our little shack that all six of us have shared.

We have never had two bathrooms.

So out of common courtesy in our home, you DO NOT LOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR.

I personally do not have any trouble with someone walking in when I am using the bathroom or taking a bath.

No big deal here.

So Brat Baby had been in the bathroom doing her make-up and she stepped out for a minute.

Well I had had a cup of coffee and with no gallbladder things do not stay with me very long.

So I make a mad dash to the open throne.

Brat Baby walks in and she says:


Momma: WHAT!

Brat Baby: You are disgusting!

Momma: Since when do you not shit, you little shit!

Brat Baby: Well Seriously!

Momma: Yes, I AM SERIOUS.

Just then I reach for the roll of not so soft paper and wouldn't you know it, I am at the end of the roll and I will have to ask the no shitting Brat to go and get me more toilet paper.

So she leaves to go get the toilet paper and comes back with a box of tissues.

Just my luck!

I hope you don't reach he end of the roll today and come up short.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

My Dancing Queen Pictures

These are photos of a all school assembly that I did with some friends/co-workers a couple of weeks ago.
I used to be so shy and maybe if I was in front of a bunch of adults instead of a gym full of kids and only a few hand fulls of adults I may have felt very different.
We sang with the song Dancing Queen which happens to be some of Heathers favorite music.
Heather choreographed all of our moves and man did she do a good job, if she ever decides to leave education I think she could get a job on Broadway.
The reaction from the kids was great, I am still getting kids telling me that they loved our show.
The funny part is that if I could I would do this every week if they would let me.
Thanks Picture Momma for taking these pictures for me.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Here's A Not The Baby Funny Just For You

Remember how I told you that Not The Baby gets scared very easily.

Well here is one occasion where her fear got the best of her.

Not The Baby likes to walk our demon dog occasionally by herself, most of the time though we walk him together along with our neighbors sweet little dog.

Now when Not The Baby walks Rex (that is demon dogs real name) they only walk a few houses down and around the back of our house.

So Not The Baby and Rex were boppin around enjoying their walk when all of a sudden there was a car coming down the road playing loud music, I believe it was rap music.

Not The Baby became fearful not knowing what to do. The car kept coming down the road and Rex kept on walking like nothing at all was happening.

Not The Baby looked around to see what her options were. Home was two houses down, there was no way that she could get back home without being spotted by the car with loud music.

Think quick Not The Baby.

Think quick.

Then it came to her.

Not The Baby saw a bush in the neighbors yard so she yanked Rex down with her and the two of them hid behind the bush while the suspicious looking vehicle drove by.

As Not The Baby was in the undisclosed place she heard a voice.

Oh no maybe those eerie sounding strangers in the car were trying to make contact with her.

Then the voice was getting closer, Hello!

Not The Baby goes over the attack procedure with Rex, who seems to be pre occupied with licking his private area.


Be Brave Not The Baby.

So Not The Baby looks up to see the weird neighbor that will never talk to us looking at her with a look that reads are you crazy girl?

It seems as though the bush that Not The Baby chose to dunk behind belonged to and was in the weird neighbors back yard.

Not The Baby sees that the coast is clear and it is safe to make a run for the house.

She smiles at the neighbor while saying under her breath, "man he is weird".

We of course can not possibly be the weird ones.

Not The Baby makes it home safely and does not say anything until dinner time when she cant hold it in any longer.

I, Momma was beside myself.

Momma: sweetheart, what did the car look like?

Not The Baby gives me the description of the car.

Momma: Was the car driving slow?

Not The Baby: No

Momma: Were they staring at you?

Not The Baby: No

Momma: Well then sweetheart what is it that gave you such a fright?

Not The Baby: They just looked scary with that loud music that they were playing.

Momma: Oh sweetheart, eat your dinner and get ready for bed, you have had to much excitement for this evening.

There you have it Not The Baby in a nutshell.

My little sweetie that tells me that she made need counseling.

I have a friend that is a counselor, I guess I better give her a call.

In the meantime if I could ask all of you to please not drive by my house playing loud rap music.

Otherwise we will have Not The Baby dropping to the floor like a member of the Soprano's family getting a visit from a long lost cousin that they thought they had already knocked off.

Monday, September 1, 2008

I Wanna Start A Book Club

I was just getting dressed and caught Oprah on (since when does she come on in the morning?).

I am sure that it is a re-run.

I close to never get to watch tv.

Anyway she had this woman named Elizabeth Gilbert on talking about her book Eat, Pray, Love.

So I went to Amazon and read a few pages from the book and I really want to read it.

Anyone out there want to join me?

I would love to have my friends read this book with me and then we get together over coffee and sweets or dinner and discuss.

This has been something that I have wanted to do for a very long time and when I read an excerpt from this book I knew right then I must read it but it is something I really want to share with friends.

You can get the book on Amazon used for $3.50 plus the $3.99 shipping.

You can also get the book at Crap-Mart (ok Wal-mart) for $7.89.

So what do you think?

Anyone interested?