Monday, June 16, 2008

Small Town, Big Talk

This morning I woke up to more rain and lightening and the fact that I can stay in my pajamas, drink my Senseo coffee and watch it pour outside for as long as I want to since I am so lucky to have my summers off. Now before you go and get jealous just know that my public school paying job pays less than the french fryer at McDonald's. (No I don't have actual quotes on that but I am guessing and I would imagine that my guess is pretty good)

To my surprise when I rolled out of my bed (and man these days I am seriously rolling and not jumping out) I found Papa still home, normally he has left for work before I get up.

Papa proceeds to tell me that he has lost his wallet. Now I know we all miss place things on occasion and some of us more often than others but this man would lose his head if was not attached. So I say to Papa "Retrace your steps".

Papa says "Well I always come right in the door and put my stuff in my box as soon as I walk in."

I say, "Well I'm just guessing here but it appears that you did not do that last night so where do you think you may have lost it."

OK lets pause right here.........I need to Take A Deep Breath......................................

Forget it, this story is going to stress me out too much and this blogging thing is suppose to make me feel good ...right??

I promise to finish it when I get me blood pressure down.

Like I was saying I was enjoying a morning of rain and coffee and I spoke to Chief Silver Fox (aka my sister) like I do almost every morning. I decided it is time to wake the babies and tell them that we are going to the local tiny cafe to feed our face like there is a food ration. Brat Baby was up and at em in no time because she is her mothers daughter and food rents a big room in her heart and stomach. I knew getting Brat Baby up would be no problem.

Next I headed to my room to awaken Baby Girl and Not The Baby. See the storm lasted all through the night so Not The Baby chose to be wrapped up in our little Mexican plate during the night due to her fear of storms.

When I asked Baby Girl if she wanted to go to her favorite cafe for lots of bread, pork and gravy she said "Do I have 60 seconds? If not I can get ready in 30."

I love that about Baby Girl, she can plunge into the morning like a pig into a new plate of slop.

Now when I went to wake Not The Baby I knew that things would not go as smoothly as it had with the other whippersnappers.

Remember Not The Baby lives a free and happy life, so getting up before her body has had all 10 hours of sleep is like getting Lucifer's son (our new puppy) to stop chewing on our hands every time we try to pet the little Prince Of Darkness.

So I just told her "Good luck and God Bless you while I am away eating mounds of pancakes and buttery goodness . I hope that the lightening does not strike the bed where you slumber but rather the laundry room or some other useless place like that." She Freaked!

She also made it out the door in thirty minutes, record time for her!

After arriving at the restaurant we of course had to argue about what we were ordering and not ordering, asking the waitress three times to come back in a little while. Brat Baby is always worried she is not going to have enough food, Not The Baby wants to order the most expensive thing on the menu, Baby Girl is pretty much satisfied with sharing with everyone and I Momma want to see if I can set a new record and eat out cheaper than the senior citizens at the next table.

Which brings me to the point of today's post (I'm talking about the senior citizens).

Living in a small town and a southern town at that is like reading a biography of everyone who lives in that town. As we were sitting at our table minding our own business and fighting with Brat Baby about the volume of food that she ordered would be enough or if it wasn't I would give her mine and if she wanted me to I could pretend to be a mother bird and throw up everything I have in my stomach that she might find nutritionally useful. When all of a sudden the elderly gentlemen sitting five inches away from us (remember small cafe) turned away from his table of four friends and said:

" Hi girls! are you all sister's?

"Which one is the smartest one?"

"Momma do you have any boys?"

"Oh really, how many?"

"What do you girls want to be when you grow up?"

"Do you have a puppy?"

*OK at that point we all almost lost it, my thought was "should I tell this sweet man that we house Azazel right here in small town USA, I mean he could have a heart attack and then my fun little breakfast would be cut short. Instead we just answered "yes we have a puppy". Back to the questions.

"What kind of dog is it?"

"Well I have a small dog that sticks his face up to mine and he sleeps with momma here (sweet man points to the woman sitting next to him, she refuses to acknowledge, clearly she had been down this road of long rambling with her husband before) and we live out in the country and I have great grand babies that are just starting to show their personalities and I have a son that drove all the way to California to pick up two puppies, California !with gas prices the way they are, can you believe that?"

Then we are saved by the waitress who brings us our food, and guess what she brought us too much food, apparently she and I do not speak the same language. I was speaking "me want only one full order of biscuits and gravy" she was speaking "Oh I see! you overweight little piglet you want two orders, one for your right side saddle bag and one for your left."

Any how Brat Baby knew then when the waitress sat the plates down that she would not starve this morning and for the first time since we entered 101 Question Cafe she smiled. So we were eating just fine enjoying our overloaded plates of down home goodness when all of a sudden:

" Hey did you see what my friend brought me?" (sweet, little on the scary side old man holds up a shirt that someone just gave him)

"I restore old cars"

" I have four at my house"

Then just when he was about to start another round of questions my older two babies thought it would be a good time to see how the restroom there at Know Every one's Business Cafe was decorated. And sweet old mans wife threw him the check and said "were leaving honey."

I would be lying if I told you that this is unusual in my neck of the woods but I happen to find out lots of gossip and just history about strangers every time I walk out my door and venture into small town USA.

You want to know something else........I wouldn't change it for the world.


pnny said...

Oh my gosh I didn't know you were such a creative writer! You had me laughing out loud.

Heather said...

I *think* I know where you are talking about. Cracks me up!!

I can't keep my mouth shut any longer! said...

Really, can you blame the old guys for chatting you up? Bound to happen when four good looking blondes show up get their daily dosage of carbs.

Not The Baby (: said...

Hello Mamma (:

Yeahh the Storm was really scary.
And i was seriously thinking about not waking up and going to go eat i was so dead tired....But i think you got me when you started talking about all the good food.

Ha ha Yeahh that old mann...he was really sweet though its alwas fun to lison to them talk.... (:

well i better get in bed lord knows i got to get up in the morning for volleyball ...Your Faviorte (:

Keepp It Up Mamma (:

-Not The Baby-

Stacie said...

Hi! I'm a friend of Heather's and am apparently very nosy since I found your blog from her comments :)

I have to tell you that this line:

food rents a big room in her heart

is the best thing I've read today and I hope I remember it the next time I'm talking to my mom or sisters so I can say it and watch them fall over laughing :)