I've Lost A Child

Remember when I told you that Not The Baby was going away for a week to camp.

Well that day is here.

Yesterday her sisters and I loaded her bags in the car and drove to her to the designated meeting spot.

The day started out all gloomy and rainy.

The day started out the way that we all felt in the house.

Not The Baby woke up and came straight to me with this look on her face like, this is the last time I will get to look at your face for a while.

Then when I looked at her with that look like this is the last time that I will get to look at her face for a while, we both started crying.

Then our crying turned into bawling and then we laughed at our selves for acting like a bunch of babies.

So then we cried some more.

Remember, I am on the verge of needing medication here people.

I have an illness.

I love my kids too much if that is possible.
(No, I don't think it is possible.)

So we decided to have a good breakfast before she left and where else should we go but to our local tiny cafe (aka 101 question cafe).

I must admit I was a little worried about seeing the sweet slightly on the scary side old man there.
I thought to myself that the mental state that I am in right now with having to send off one of my very own offspring that I carried around inside of me for nine months and then have cared for and raised with the up most love and devotion is leaving me for a whole week and if I have to spend my morning listening to him ask us a million questions rather than talk to her on our last breakfast together, I might just lose it!

I might just come out and and tell him that I am the keeper of Azazel and see what happens.
(the dog, remember.)

I mean who would want to talk to me after that.

Oh, shoot I forgot, I do live in the Bible Belt, of course they would want to save me and my babies.

OK, well I would need a better plan.

But here is the good news, Jabber Jaws was out in the ocean some where feeding on other fish.

So breakfast went on without a hitch.


After breakfast we came home and played a game of Bunco (wow is that game fun, you must play if you have not before. I like it so much that we are going to have a Bunco party, any takers??) then it was time to load up.

On my way out the door I grabbed my camera and right away Not The Baby said "Please tell me you are going to take pictures here at the house and not when we get to the bus!"

Momma: "Are you kidding, of course I am going to take pictures of you when we get to the bus. I want those pictures of tears rolling down you face that way when you get older and try to pull something like Baby Boy did and play Christopher Columbus on me, I am going to pull out this photo that I take of you and show you that there was a day when it was torture to leave your Momma, your caretaker, your keeper, your guardian, your mother lion that keeps you safe from all harm including the little tramps that was calling you names as you walk our little satin dog just because you are so cute and they are jealous. (I kind of lost it when I heard about that but, that is another story that I will have to get the nerve up to tell people, more like admit to people.)"

Not The Baby knows that fighting with me over taking a picture is a round she won't win.

So she gave up.

As we were driving her to the bus, I had this pit in my stomach. It reminded me of the same pit that I would have when my mother would drive us as kids back to my fathers house when they divorced. Oh how I hate that feeling.

Of course some of the people that were to ride the bus were late getting there so the ill anticipation that I had was drug out longer than need be.

Brat Baby was not very willing to sit there, she wanted to just leave.

Brat Baby: "Come on Momma, I mean look all the other sponsors are here, she is just sitting on the bus waiting."

Momma: "I am not leaving this parking lot until she pulls out!"

Brat Baby:" The other parents are leaving."

Momma:" I don't care what the other parents are doing I am staying, I mean if the other parents jumped off a bridge should I?"

Momma: "No, because I am me and I will do what I think is right regardless of what my peers are doing!"


Who knew a life lesson for my teenage drama queen would happen in that parking lot.

Momma: "and while we are on the subject, never do drugs, cheat, steal, have pre-marital sex, smoke, drink, lie, jaywalk, fart in public, etc."

Brat Baby: "Oh way to go Momma, you have farted in public more times than I have fingers."

Momma: "Do as I say child, not as I do!"

While Brat Baby and I are having our little talk, Baby Girl is continuing to wave to Not The Baby even though the bus is not and has not moved an inch. Not The Baby is looking a little embarrassed, no maybe that look means she is proud of her family, yes that is it. PRIDE!

Oh my, I have passed my illness off to my prodigy. Baby Girl will not stop waving!

Well it wasn't long before everyone arrived and it was time for the bus to pull out.

As soon as the bus started moving I headed quickly (like garage sale speed) to my car and followed the bus out of the parking lot. Baby Girl is in the back seat still waving, I am blowing kisses to Not The Baby and Brat Baby has this look on her face that reads, "Get the Hell Out of Here before you people embarrass me anymore than you already have."

The bus turns right out of the parking lot.

Our home is a left turn out of the parking lot.

What's this, the car is wanting to go right, Oh my gosh I don't know if I have the strength to make it go home without Not The Baby.

I brake, think for a moment, maybe a little longer than a moment since there are people behind me honking.

I Take A Deep Breath.

And I watch the bus drive out of my rear view mirror sight.

I miss my Not The Baby already!