Saturday, June 14, 2008

Movin On Up

OK so you know that we are a good size family, yes I know that we are no John and Kate but having three of our four kids as teenagers right now counts as two kids each for everyone human body plus the fact that our house is probably the size of their bus they drive around town.


So when Baby Boy announced that he was seeing the world this summer......another story for later when I feel like I can actually talk about it without blubbering about it.......... and that since My Baby Boy was not coming home until I cooked a turkey then my Brat Baby could take over his room. Now Brat Baby has shared a room with my "I Was Suppose To Be The Baby Forever And Now I'm Not The Baby" for the last 13 years and let me tell you they are as different as night and day ! Brat wants the room clean and in bed by 8:00 pm SHARP!


Not The Baby does not see why anyone should clean a room , live free man , go with the flow man, who needs a shower everyday man (OK she has gotten much better with that when she started figuring out that the cute boys at school don't like stinky girls) and just wanted to have fun. Which is something that I secretly admire about her but I dare not tell her that now, not until she is grown and out of the house and living freely in her own messy home.


Any way Brat Baby could not believe her ears when momma and papa told her that there was a room open at the Crammed Inn and she had first dibs.


Brat Baby: NO WAY





Momma: Yes Way





Brat Baby: No You are lying to me





Papa: No we are telling you the truth





Brat Baby: No, nothing this good could possibly ever be happening to me





Momma: What do you mean nothing this good could be happening to you, I mean for goodness sakes look at who your momma is!





Momma: Well fine you don't want the room I will give it to Baby Girl then or maybe I will give it to Not the Baby or I know I will just let Papa stay in there so I don't have to put up with his snoring, pulling covers, drooling in MY bed and farting all night. Oh wait an minute the farting is coming from my side of the bed.

Brat Baby: Oh no I want it, Thank You, Thank You Thank You! (Then Brat Baby proceeds to do some kind of getting my own room ritual dance)

OK so things are going great and I think "Hey I am on a role today with making people happy, now all I have to do is go and tell Not The Baby and Baby Girl that they will be new roommates."

Remember I told you that we live in a very small house well Baby Girl has never had her own room before she has always shared with me (momma) and before you get all teary eyed about it I would like to think that she has really enjoyed being close to her momma, like really close to her momma . Like we when would go to sleep at night we are wrapped tightly together like a burrito and before you get worried about that part, just like all burritos we would end up losing the wrapped tightly thing and get into our own comfy spots on our bed.
So I am thinking well when I tell Baby Girl that she gets to move into her sisters old room with Not The Baby then she may get a little nervous about it and ask if we still have her pacifiers that she could suck on for comfort, whatever she would want the breast again.
I was certain I knew how not the baby would react to the new living arrangements and here is how that conversation went.

Momma:" Baby Girl, Not The Baby, I have something I want to tell you" (Not The Baby is eyeing Brat Baby as she is hardly able to contain her joy, Not the baby looks at her and then looks at me and gives me the look of "What the Hell are you about to do to me").
"Since Baby Boy has flown the coop a few months before school starts because he thinks he is so much smarter than me and he thinks that he can just up and decide what he can do with his life like he is almost twenty or something (Brat Baby interrupts "momma he is almost twenty")
"like I was saying before someone so rudely gave me a piece of reality. Since Baby Boy decided to pull out his mommas heart and step on it and make her wish he was an infant again. I have decided to give Brat Baby his room and you two are now new best friends. I hope you enjoy your stay together!"

Then all of a sudden Baby Girl somehow knows the getting my own room ritual dance also and she is dancing around the room like she just won the lottery. If I ever win the lottery I want to dance just like that. Meanwhile on the other side of happy mountain Not The Baby has very different emotions from Baby Girl that she wants to share with me.

Not The Baby: "WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY ! BABY GIRL IS NOT COMING IN MY ROOM ...NO WAY NO HOW!"

Momma: "Oh come on Not The Baby"....

Not The Baby: "Come on nothing she is not coming in there and I mean it!"

Momma: "Yes honey she is!"

Now to make matters worse Brat Baby is still doing the ritual dance and Baby Girl is still doing the ritual dance, heck they have combined there ritual dance into one awesome looking dance. Not the baby is ready to crash their little party they have going on.

Not The Baby: "I am telling you that she is not coming into my room!"

Momma: "Oh excuse me little girl but you are not telling me anything, I am telling you that Baby Girl is moving in and that is final and you will love her and be nice to her and if she wants you to wrap up like a burrito with her than by golly you will be the tortilla. Do you get me my little Mexican staple!"

Oh stop worrying I did not tell her she had to wrap her up in her arm every night, they will have separate beds and I told Baby Girl that I could still wrap her up in my arms.

Not The Baby: "WHATEVER!"

Momma: "I love you honey!"

This is where Not The Baby exits the scene.

So after all the dancing was over Brat Baby started right away packing all of Baby Boys things up that he had left behind.
That was hard for momma. It was like I was saying goodbye without really saying good bye and I wanted to be happy for Brat Baby but I was sad that Baby Boy was not here and would not occupy that room forever (well maybe not forever but maybe a while longer). Brat baby of course did not care that she was packing up all of her brothers things she was just thrilled that she was not longer going to have to be drill Sargent to Not The Baby.

Not The Baby was not seen or heard from for at least thirty minutes. When she returned from Hate Island she went directly to Baby Girl and said: "Well looks like there is a new Sergent on base soldier and you will obey my commands, Do you hear me mommas girl!"

At that moment something happened that I was hoping for. Baby Girl came up to me and said "momma I don't think I will sleep in there just yet can I stay with you at night" and I said " Of course you can my little Mexican comida."
"Lets go call your brother and tell him I am making turkey early"

4 comments:

Brittany said...

MOM
You crack me up and yeah that is pretty much how the whole thing went .... but now iam setting in my freashly painted room ... anywho mommy i love you very much !! oh yeah and blackie says she loves you too though she may not show it all the time she does lol i love you mom

love
Brat baby

pnny said...

Love the names of the kiddos.
Is Brat Baby is moved in to Baby Boy's room?

Heather said...

That's too funny!! (Makes me so excited for the teen years ... right - excited!!)

I can't keep my mouth shut any longer! said...

Lol! I needed your special kind of funny right now over here at In_Law Vacation Purgatory. (Which if you know your emotional torment geography, is located rather close to Hate Island , but nowhere near Nevada which is a state. )

Just reading you referring to the babies as brats and mexican food has given me the ability to push forth into the second day the crazy-non-stop-chihuahua-like jabbering of what is my step mother in law.