Monday, June 23, 2008

I Almost Hurt Someone!!

You know how I was telling you about Not The Babies obsession with self photography.....well,
I have an obsession too!

OK there, I said it!

So lets get on with more important things like.......umm......The weather, man has it been hot!

What about those gas prices!

And did I tell you how nice you look today. goes......

I have a obsession with buy things second hand at a ridiculously cheap price.

Specifically GARAGE SALES.

There are those out there that call me The Garage Sale Queen and I wear my crown with Pride.

That is until this last Saturday when I almost killed someone that I love dearly.

Here is how that day went:

Every weekend you will find me out burning rubber to get to every garage sale I can as quick as I can.
Normally I drive and I usually have a friend with me, we shall call her Picture Momma.
Also along for the treasure hunt is my dear friend and neighbor Miss S. and then of course I will have my girls with me. This Saturday however Brat Baby was the only baby with me as the others chose to sleep past 6 am.

I am a time stickler when it comes to garage sales.

We leave on time!

We look quick and get to the next sale!

Everyone unbuckles as soon as the sale is within eye sight as to maximize time!

Everyone walk at a speed walker pace as to beat the competitor to the event!

And never. I mean never socialize as that is time wasted!
(I do however break that rule on occasion.)

I map out exactly where every sale is and its specific location on the street as to maximize time!

See it is a time thing, in order to get the deals you have to be first to the game, the game of second hand shopping.

Now if you think I don't get heckled about that, you are kidding yourself.

This specific Saturday Picture Momma said we could drive her mini-van instead of my small car.

I was excited about the fact that I could purchase more with the amount of space that the mini van has to offer so I took her up on that.

The only thing she required was this:

Picture Momma: Momma you have to drive my van.

Momma: Are you sure?

Momma: Why don't you drive?

Picture Momma: Because I do not want to be held responsible for not going fast enough in your eyes to each garage sale.

Momma: Well if you insist.

If you insist, are you kidding!

Thank you Lord that she wants me to drive because if I am not the driver to the garage sale locations I feel like I am about to have a heart attack. The person I may be riding with is going to slow or maybe they are stopping somewhere that is not on my list for goodness sake and maybe they buckle before they put the car in gear.

See I believe to maximize time you should buckle after the car is already in drive!

I have mastered that!

So we are doing well locating and conquering garage sale after garage sale.

While we are doing this Brat Baby is complaining.

Brat Baby: Momma you are driving way too fast. Momma slow down when you turn.

Momma: Brat Baby, I know what I am doing!

Brat Baby: Picture Momma, why did you let her drive your car? Can't you see she is maniac!

At this moment I do a quick U turn. Man the car did good for being a mini van, now my little car could have cut it a little closer but that will do.

Picture Momma: Momma are you aware that U turns are not legal anywhere in our state.

Momma: Really, well that is why I always look to see if a police officer is around before I do it.

In the mean time I am hearing moaning sounds from the back seat where my friend Miss S. is.
Apparently there is nothing for her to hold onto back there when I take the corners and she thinks she may be falling out of the seat.

OK here is something that I did not tell you about Miss S.

She is elderly, but hey she is not that old. (Miss S I would never call you old, I love you, plus I never want some young punk ever calling me old.) Miss S. also has bad knees, she had surgery on both of them.

So Brat Baby is yelling at me to slow down and I think I hear Picture Momma say a prayer beneath her breath, hey now that I think about it maybe that is why they all locked hands and had their heads bowed.

Any way here is what happened that opened my eyes and scared my heart.

I was leaving a garage sale and I felt the presence of all the passengers, I normally don't look to see if everyone is in I just feel that they are in the car. I had it in gear and was getting ready to reach for the seat belt just as I start to apply pressure on the gas petal when all of a sudden Brat Baby screams!

Brat Baby: Mommaaaaaaaaaa

Picture Momma: Mommaaaaaaaa

Miss S: Ahhhhhhhhhhh

Momma: What now!

Brat Baby & Picture Momma: Miss S. is not all the way in the van!

Let's pause shall we..........Oh and here is where I chose to Take A Deep Breath.

I tried to drive away with my dear friend Miss S. hanging out the side of the van and for what a new Bunco game or a new light fixture (which by the way is rockin in my house right now, Papa painted it black and man does it ........Oh crap listen to me I am back on the garage sales).

Like I way saying I almost hurt someone I love and for that I am truly sorry.

Now can you imagine the looks I was getting from Brat Baby.
I think she was trying to send mean teenage laser beams right through the back of my skull, because after that all happened the back of my head was getting hot.

I truly learned a lesson from this and I will be a changed Momma forever.

I am now going to give my passengers two seconds to sound off on role call after entering the vehicle!

I love you Miss S!


Heather said...

Hey - ya snooze, ya lose!!! I don't care how old ya are!! (Too funny!!)

Kristin said...

Man, oh man, you are one crazy Momma! Call me if you find anything good at the next garage sale...and I will MEET you there! HAHAHAHA!

pnny said...

You do have the garage sale process down to a science. You do find some great bargains. Poor Miss S. Since you didn't post ALL weekend will we have an extra post tonight?

I can't keep my mouth shut any longer! said...

(Now, when Momma explained her affliction, she was not kidding. I'm talking extreme hyperventalation if one happens to browse a bit too long. Poor Miss S. is on constant alert to see where Momma is positioned. She has to know if she has to hurry to the car before she is abandoned.

I'll tell you what though, the woman finds the best stinking deals and her house is decorated to prove it.)

Ahhhhh.... our Friday and/or Saturday mornings is what keeps Miss S. young. I'm convinced of it.

So what if all extremeties are in the vehicle or not? We're sure to find a decent prostetic at a sale one day. ;)

This is one addiction I will gladly have and I'm not ashamed about it! The Thursday evening strategic planning/margarita meetings are nothing to be messed with either.


Picture Momma,
Who is counting down the hours til next Thursdays classifieds section.
Also seconding Pnnys motion for an extra post tonight.

pnny said...

and the next blog is when....