Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Not The Baby Issues

I believe I have told you about some of Not The Babies issues before but just in case you may have forgotten.

Not The Baby is TERRIFIED of almost everything!

Last night at Baby Girls soccer practice Picture Momma had a grasshopper on her shoulder and Not The Baby started screaming at the top of her lungs:


Picture Momma: Get it off, get it off

Not The Baby turns and runs.

Fortunately she survived all the bugs at soccer.

Then after I got Baby Girl to sleep it was time to go pick up Brat Baby from work. I told Not The Baby that she needed to get to sleep.

Not The Baby: Please don't leave me here Momma.

Momma: Baby you are not here by yourself, Papa and Baby Girl are here with you.

Not The Baby: Papa wont move fast enough if I need him in an emergency. Can I please go with you?

Momma: Babe you really need to get to sleep.


Momma: Ok fine!

So we are headed down the semi-country road and it is dark of course and Not The Baby says to me "Don't you get scared at night when you go pick up Brat Baby by yourself?"

Momma: No

Momma: What is there to be scared of?

Not The Baby: Well I will never be able to drive down a dark road like this all alone.

I am thinking I will tell Not The Baby that she can live with us as long as she wants (you know as long as she goes to college and then gets a great job and saves up for that dream home).

I tell her there is nothing to worry about.

But would you believe that this was the most eventful ride to pick up Brat Baby that I have ever had.

First I see this dog over on the side of the road running and I can hear a mans voice yelling.

Oh good I think the little doggie is going home, but the man keeps yelling so I start thinking "crap man look around your dog is on its way" and his yelling gets louder and then:

bark bark bark bark

I almost have a heart attack, another dog of the yelling mans is trying to eat my wheels as I am driving, do I speed up do I slow down. I never know what to do when a dog chases my car. So I speed up, then I slow down. Damn that little dog is fast. Like greyhound fast only a smaller version, like chihuahua size.

Not The Baby is yelling, you better not run over him or I will never forgive you!

What! Never forgive me this four legged little shit is the one you need to get angry with, these rubbers on the car are not cheap and if he eats them, you will be walking everywhere little Missy.

But thankfully we survived, the tires survived, the dog survived and luckily Not The Baby is still on speaking terms with me.

So the ride that was not to be scary had already turned a little frightening to Not The Baby.

Then would you believe that we saw not one, not two, not three, but Four emergency vehicles on our way to pick up Brat Baby!

All of which were going different directions, not going to the same place.

So we are driving down the road and the lights are coming upon us and the sirens are getting louder and Not The Baby is saying, "Don't you dare stop on this bridge Momma, I don't care what is coming up behind us, Don't you dare stop on this bridge."

Wow a new fear sweetheart, I had no idea you had issues with bridges.

I can just hear her now in therapy when she is thirty something.

Therapist: Well Not The Baby, tell me what it is that you really fear.

Not The Baby: Ok lets see, I fear bugs, dark, cars that go bump, loud nosies, children that don't hold their mothers hand when they cross the road, stairs, scary looking pictures, scary movies, scary noises, scary books, books about dogs that get hurt, any animal that might be in danger, hot water, dripping water, someone clearing their throat, teachers that made me stop talking in class, buses, dark clouds, thunder, lightening, wind, Oh and yes don't forget Bridges.

Ok maybe Not The Baby is not as bad as I just said, then again maybe she is.

It is so weird for her to be scared of so many things because believe it or not she is one of my toughest kids. I mean the girl is really really tough!

I hope it is nothing I have done to her.

Oh God don't let me be the topic of conversation in the therapist office.

Well I hope your Tuesday is unfearful and pleasant.


Anonymous said...

I'm certain that I'm the ONLY topic that will lead my kids to therapy!!

Anonymous said...

PS - that scrappy friends is ME - Heather... I forgot to change my sign-in...