99.9% of the time I can not stand our dog.
Every time I turn around he is tearing up something.
What's that you ask?
Do I give him toys and bones to keep him busy?
This stupid dog has more toys and bones than any other dog we have owned.
For example this weekend we just got back in town from Baby Girl whipping up on some Huskies on the soccer field.
I had to get up a little earlier than I normally do on a Saturday so that Not The Baby could catch a volleyball bus before the sun rose, so I was a little tired.
I thought I would get me a 20 minute power nap.
I lay down, I was cold.
Papa had the fan on full blast.
Momma: Baby Girl will you get me a blanket honey.
Baby Girl: Ok Momma
Still I am cold.
Momma: Baby Girl will you come and lay down with me I am still freezing.
Baby Girl: Ok Momma but only for a minute I am playing.
Finally I am not freezing, finally I am drifting slowly off.
I can feel my body starting to relax to that point to where your body feels so heavy that you could not get up even if you wanted to.
My eyes are finally not seeing the light through my eye lids and I am in napping heaven.
Cough cough cough cough cough
That damn dog just put half of his body weight and those sharp ass nails and those pads that need some lotion right on my THROAT!
Devil Dog Devil Dog
Ok I recover from that traumatic experience and I attempt to go back to sleep.
I am drifting but not quite feeling that whole heavy body thing, but I am about to go.
slurp slurp slurp slurp
What the hell, the kitten is licking my face.
Go away sweet little pain in my butt kitty.
Ok last time if I get woke up one more time I am going to give up.
crunch crunch crunch
Sound like devil dog has a hanger.
I don't even care, I hope that hurts coming out the other end butt hole!
I keep my eyes close and pretend that I don't have a dog and that is Papa chewing on some chips or whatever else it is that he likes to munch on.
CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH
Man Papa you are going to break a tooth, I am thinking as I continue to keep my eyes shut.
Baby Girl: RRRREEEXXX
Momma: What what ???
Baby Girl: Rex just ate your sunglasses!
Baby Girl: Oh are you awake Momma?
Momma: Yes I am awake already honey can you believe it?
Momma: Do Momma a favor, put that dog outside, open the side gate, put an ad in the paper, set out a free sign, send him on his way with a bag of food and just let me get five minutes of uninterrupted silence.
Momma: If you don't mind sweetheart!
Oh if you think this is all the devil dog stories I have, I am sorry to tell you that I could write one every single day!
I need the dog whisper guy!