Monday, November 10, 2008

My Life Was Changed Forever

Eight years ago yesterday Baby Girl entered this crazy life of mine, had she know me well enough and known what kind of crap she was getting into with this wild family we have then she probably would have told the nurse to send her home with the Jones's (arent they always more normal)

Then 14 years ago today Not The Baby entered this world with her hand beside her head ripping her mother to shreds as she exited me and entered our life.

Baby Girl surprised us with her presence eight years ago, I really thought that me having babies was over, done with, completed, over and out!

But there were other plans for my life, as one of my children was graduating high school one was entering public school. Talk a about a roller coaster ride of emotions.

My first baby growing up and then my last baby going to school full time!

Let's just say that I should have been medicated and heavily but being poor and frugal kept me from being a drug addict. Plus the fact that I have opened my big fat mouth on numerous occasions declaring that people are weak who have to take medication just to get through their daily lives. (please do not take offense if you are medicated, I now do not have the same beliefs)

Sucks for me since I am not willing to eat any crow anytime soon and now I think I could really use some. Maybe I should start taking up donations.

Pills for the Poor

Pills for the Poor

I promise to use it only when seriously needed!

Maybe like tonight........

Baby Girl got to celebrate her birthday in the hills of Arkansas watching her sister play soccer.

Now if you ask her then she would tell you that it quite possibly might be the worst birthday ever, even though she was able to swim at the hotel with a friend not once but twice. The part that might be so terrible is that she and Not The Baby received their gift early!

An ipod at that. I told them that would be all they get from us since that was a costly gift.
I will never give them any gifts early again!

How soon they forget.

I did take both of the girls out to eat on separate occasions also.

Yesterday morning we left the house around 7 am to hit the donut shop for a birthday breakfast before school and then to suck-mart for two cookie cakes. One for Baby Girl's class and the other one for Not The Baby.

Not The Baby wanted me to bring her cookie to her at her lunch so that I could have lunch with her at school and we could share her cookie with all her friends, so I did.

I changed my lunch schedule around so that I could cram food in my mouth at Not The Baby's school all in under five minutes. (ok maybe we had just a minute longer than that but that is what it seemed like) After that I felt sick as a dog eating that fast.

After school we took all the girls to the mall, both of the birthday girls had money to spend and it was killing them to get it spent. We only had about thirty minutes before we were to meet up with Aunt P and Uncle R for Not The Baby's birthday dinner.

So that made the girls angry that they were not able to shop for very long. I told them that we would shop after dinner. Still for some unknown reason here on earth Brat Baby was angry!
Not The Baby had a look on her face like we had just decided to cancel her birthday.


Aunt P is asking what is wrong with the girls.

I tell her the story.


Oh I know.

Now anytime we go out to eat that is another battle for me to fight.

We were eating somewhere that is pricey and I always get this really great salad. So I thought that I could get the salad and split it with Not The Baby since she likes it also.

Baby Girl could get her usual kids meal.

Brat Baby could have what she wanted or she would send death rays through me and whole damn restaurant will be blown to smithereens.

Papa of course will try to find the largest meal there is both portion and price. So I usually try to go cheap.

Well Baby Girl decides that she no longer likes kids meals and that she wants the salad that I get.

Momma:I am not buying a $9 salad for an 8 year old..........see Baby Girl, you must at least be the age of the price of the meal to get it.

Baby Girl: But I wont eat the kids meal, I don't like the kids meal, I just wont eat then!

Momma: Fine we will get the salad and split it three ways, that is unless you would like to get one Brat Baby and split it with your sister or me.

Brat Baby: (Looks at me like I must be nuts) NO

Not The Baby: I am not splitting that salad three ways, there will not be enough for all three of us!

Momma: FINE FINE FINE.....I will eat the Freakin kids meal! Happy Freakin Birthday!

(a look of joy spreads across the face of Not The Baby for the first time that we sit down for dinner)

Then the waitress comes over to take our drink order. Baby Girl says, I will have a Mountain Dew.

Momma: No, no she will not have a mountain dew, Baby Girl did you know that is one of the worst kinds of pop for you! Do you not remember your brother having a kidney stone, what about the obesity rate here in's the pop I tell ya.

Momma: How about a root beer?

Baby Girl: That sounds good.

Momma: Oh wait a minute, waitress does that come in a bottle?

Waitress: yes it does.

Momma: Well then forget it Baby Girl get something else because they charge extra for that.

All while this is going on, Brat Baby, Papa and Not The Baby are making fun of me and eyes are about to roll out of Brat Baby's head for the level of embarrassment that I am causing her.

So Baby Girl decides to go with something safe like lemonade.

Brat Baby pretty much shouts JUST GIVE ME A DR.PEPPER! (I think she rolled her eyes again)

Then Not The Baby has the audacity to order.....can you guess what?

Not The Baby: I will have a Mountain Dew!

Momma: Like hell she will, what are you doing Not The Baby we just had that conversation!

Then ...Then....The waitress decides to speak

Waitress: Umm we don't even have Mountain Dew!

Why the hell could she not even tell me that many Kate (you know the mom off John and Kate Plus Eight....she is such a witch) moments ago!

At this point I am seeing that this evening is head no where fast....

I order the girls their salad asking the waitress to leave out the blue cheese crumbles (like I always do and like they very often forget to leave off)

So what does Papa do?

Papa: Oh here we go again with the blue cheese crumbles!

Momma: Have you ever had blue cheese crumbles...I know that answer.....No you have not and so therefore you would have no idea how hard it is to pick out Crumbles (hence the name crumbles!)

At that point I was trying to blow Papa to smithereens with my death ray look!

Dinner went issues that is. Brat Baby and Not The Baby still kept that end of the world look on their face though.

Then the waitress came and asked me if anyone will be having dessert?

I said well what do you guys do for birthday girls?

Oh we will give them a shake said the waitress.

Ok then, we have three birthday girls. Baby Girl and Aunt P's birthday was yesterday and Not The Baby's birthday is today.

So they bring out three big chocolate shakes......yum yum

There was enough there for the whole table.

I tell Baby Girl to get closer to me with that shake so that we can share, so she does.

Now please note that the solemn look is still upon the older girls face.

We are going along just fine eating our free ice cream when Baby Girl turns and knocks the ice cream to the floor (note that the ice cream was in a nice glass) and glass goes everywhere, ice cream goes everywhere. The ice cream gets on Baby Girl and all over the front of my purse.

Brat Baby jumps up like there is a snake at her feet doing her usual talk...


Baby Girl: Not my fault, you should have gotten out of the way!


Baby Girl: Freak yourself, it was Mommas Fault!

Momma: What......Oh whatever, blame me ok! Everyone else does in the forsaken house!

Now while ice cream is all over the floor and Baby Girl is declaring that she needs to change immediately and Brat Baby is standing ten feet away from the mess like it might get her, Not The Baby is reacting.


Aunt P: Oh my Not The Baby!


Crap I think she might have to go change her pants she is laughing so hard!

So to end this long drawn out story, Not The Baby finally smiled at her birthday dinner after we totally embarrassed ourselves.

Brat Baby never did smile.

Baby Girl was pretty much ok with the chocolate on her jeans.

Papa high tailed it out of the restaurant after the mess was made and before the check was delivered.

Aunt P and Uncle R like always is asking their selves why on earth they ever meet us for dinner!

I start getting ready to pay only to see that the waitress is charging me double for the chips and salsa and $12 for the free birthday ice cream!

So once again I have to make a scene, no I was not rude but just talking to the waitress at this point was not something I wanted to do, I just wanted to get out of there fast!

So the waitress had to have the manager fix the ice cream but she still over charged me on the chips and salsa!

Oh well I just want to get the Heck out of Dodge!

After the dinner I dropped the girls off at the mall so they could start their shopping while I ran to get gas and a free movie at red box.

I reached in my wallet to pull out my debit card so that I could get the movie I had picked out for the kids only to discover that I had left my debit card at the restaurant!!

Boy were they glad to see me back!

1 comment:

Heather said...

Oh wow!! I found my parallel family -- you could have said Hadley and Briley interchanged with any of your kids' names and it could have been ours!!

Not that it makes you feel any better, but I'm so glad it's not just us!

Happy Birthday, girlies!