I have so many times thought about this blog and longed for it.
I also have longed for the time that I used to have to write this blog.
Life is crazy.
I know tell you something you don't already know.
But really life is crazy.
Last summer my five year stretch with the public schools was being threatened.
Budget cuts....what else is there?
I heard through the grapevine that I may not have a job.
I loved my job.
I was damn good at my job.
I loved those kids.
Now the pay, well that is a totally different subject.
Pay for a classified employee in my position not only sucks but makes a leech look good.
Then out of the blue came an opportunity that if I let pass by me my friends and family members said they would no longer speak to me.
Ok... ok.... I get it.
God (whom I really should listen to more often...forgive me Lord) was laying it right in front of me and saying take it or your a fool.
So July 12th 2010 I became a employee of a major oil company and guess what?
I am on the bottom of the totem pole and they still pay way better than the school.
Do I miss the time off for all those school breaks .....what are you kidding, hell yes I do!
Do I miss the kids.....You better believe it.
Do I miss sleeping past 4:30 in the morning and taking Baby Girl to school?
With every ounce of my being!
But sometimes you have to look past the here and now and for me that is hard because the here and now are my babies.
The here and now I can never get back.
The future....well no guarantee.
Am I thankful for what I am doing now?
Yes because it has made me look at me.
Made me realize that after the kids there is me.
I also thought that my life could not coincide with my kids.
I have found out that I was wrong about that too.
You know what?
I have found out that I was wrong about a lot of things.
I would hate to think that I would walk around this beautiful earth always thinking that I had it all figured out and only what I believe is the way for everyone to believe.
Yep that was me in a nut shell.
Now I see more.
I hear more.
I feel more.
Now I would be lying if I didn't tell you that life has scared me, made me harder and there are times that I long for little naive me.
There are times that I long for that sweet person that was once me.
I can still be sweet but I guess I am just a little more" life educated".
I still however believe that what does not kill you only makes you stronger and also that things happen for a reason.
I have tendency with my life to be afraid when things are going well because I am always looking around the corner for something bad to come my way.
Just when you least expect it.
Like a long lost friend from high school that you never really knew why you were friends with her because down deep you hate her guts and you want the whole world to know what bitch she really is!
But really we can not control anything. Life will hit you no matter what you do to avoid it.
Sometimes it hits you like a good hand of cards and other times like a brick wall.
I am not a gambling girl but I prefer cards please!
So bottom line I have a new job that actually has room for growth.
I am still dying to get back to college and will do everything in my power to make that happen this year.
I am down to two Babies at the house.
I finally drive something that is not considered to be a grandma car for the first time in my life. (thanks to the new job)
Oh yeah and I actually am a grandma....but don't you even think about calling me that because even though my thirties are quickly fading they say thirties are the new twenties and well that means when I hit 40 that I would actually be 30??
Plus I was not suppose to me a grandma this young and Brat Baby was suppose to take a different road in life .....looks to me like her name fits her properly!
Sense a little soreness there?
Oh.... like it was yesterday!
There is something that I should change.....holding onto anger for too long!
Oh well I never said I was perfect.
Fells damn good to write.
Peace and Love,
I actually left home all alone for a trip of my lifetime.....cant wait to share.