Take a Deep Breath

The Most Amazing Thing I Have Ever Done ...Part 1

2011-02-03T22:00:00.000-06:00

One day my sister calls me up and says to me:

Sister Annie: Hey guess what?

Momma: What? You got another tattoo?

Sister Annie: No smart ass

Momma: Ok good!

Sister Annie: In January I am going to California for business and a business party and I can bring one person with me and well since my love life is nothing to speak of right now I want to bring you!

Momma: ME?

Momma: Me to California where it is warm and beautiful and there is an ocean?

(I dream of the ocean everyday of my life. I dream of taking my dogs for a walk on the beach. I dream of walking away my troubles on the beach. I dream of picking up treasures on the beach. I dream of taking pictures of my children on the beach. I dream of laying on the beach listening to the sound of the waves crashing........... I think you may have an idea of how much I love the ocean.)

Sister Annie: Yep that's the California that I am talking about.

Momma: Oh my gosh hold on I think I just peed my pants!

Sister Annie: Oh there is just one thing!

Momma: What?

Sister Annie: You have to wear a dress to the company party.

Momma: WHAT! You know I hate dresses. I don't even own a dress. You know I have our fathers legs. You know a dress makes my butt look even bigger. You know I don't need help making my butt look bigger.

Sister Annie: Let me say this again......THE OCEAN...A BEACH...

Momma: How formal would you like this dress to be?

Sister Annie: Yeah well are you going to be able to leave the Babies for the weekend?

Momma: Are you kidding? we are talking the beach here. Of course I can!
(Sorry Babies but I had to do it)

Now let me give you a brief history of my travels through out my life:

Momma at 3 yrs. old: trip with family to Florida.

Momma as an adult: soccer tournaments...close enough to drive to.

The End!

So as you can see I have not traveled anywhere really!

I have not rode a plane since I was 3!

I have not left the kids for more than 1 night!

Not to mention that Baby Girl is 10 and I still have to sleep with her until she falls asleep. Normally I fall asleep first and wake up around 3 am. Then if she wakes up after I hit my bed at 3am she yells for me to come back!!!

So this trip was a really big deal for me.

So much happened that I really cant tell it all in one sitting........

I waited till the last minute to pack, waited till the last minute to order a dress that never made it before I left but thanks to a friend with a wardrobe that makes American Eagle look like a Goodwill store I made it to San Francisco with a dress.

My flight was to leave out at 6:20am Friday morning.

We had just had ice and snow hit the day before but the roads were ok. Slick in some parts.

I was headed out of town when I passed a cop and damn if he didn't turn on his lights and come after me. Crap I thought!

I bet he is pulling me over for going to fast for conditions.

So I quickly snap my seat belt that I never seem to be wearing since I started driving my jeep.

I pull into a gas station and start looking for my insurance and drivers license.

Shit I don't have time for this, I have a plane to catch for the first time in my adult life and the second time in 39 years.

Oh no.....is this a sign from God to miss my plane because it is going to crash and he does not want to see the Babies be without their Momma?

Ok well...The policeman walks up to my window and says the same old stupid line that they all say......"wondering why I pulled you over?"

I wanted to say...."was it because you saw me taking a hit?"

No I don't smoke pot....I just think it would be fun to screw with a policeman like that. I have always wished I had lots of money but one of the reasons I wished I had lots of money was so that I could get lots of tickets and not worry about it and also so that I could ram people who make me have road rage and not worry about how much it was going to raise my insurance rates.

So I play along "Yes officer, I have no idea why you pulled me over."

"Well you see here young lady, (he didn't really call me young....I just wish he had) you can not drive around with your fog lights on."

"really" I say. ( I give him a look that only a mother can give... you know the one when your kids try to tell you a line of crap like why it is the teachers fault and not their fault that she got kicked out of class for disturbing the teacher while they are teaching.)

So he takes my information and runs a check on me.

The whole time I am thinking....."am I guilty of anything that could get me arrested......... Well only if they could read my mind maybe."

Then an hour later ( or maybe it was five minutes) he came back and said "well I am going to write you a warning only because I need to show my boss that I am actually working. This will not cost you anything."

I told him it better not cost me a damn dime since he has wasted so much of my time.
(well that is what I would tell him if I was rich.)

So I sign my warning, and he asks me why my hands are shaking.

My first thought is "because I am afraid you are reading my mind."

But then I tell him that I am afraid I am going to be late catching my plane and he quickly apologizes for wasting my time and I tell him it is a damn good thing I am in a good mood.

Or I tell him, that's ok.... you are just doing your job. Thanks for all that you do...NOT!

Go eat a freakin donut and leave me alone......wait a minute I just lost it again.

I don't mean what I just said.

Ok ...moving right along.

I pull away and finally head to the airport and as soon as I pull away from the cop I turn my freaking fog lights back on because gosh dang it I am getting older and it helps me see better!

I decide to use valet parking once I get to the airport since it is so cold and since I didn't want to carry my heavy bag any farther than I had to. I was also wondering why I didn't have a bag with wheels on it like every person in that airport!

Oh would that be because I had no idea what I was doing.

Because I have been a devoted Momma my entire life and gave everything I had to my kids therefore I was never able to fly anywhere and hence the stupidity of not knowing how to pack!

Moving right along...

Because I am hard headed and a product of my mother I was not going to ask for assistance from anyone. I was going to walk into that airport and figure it out myself.

That is a strength of mine. ( then again maybe a weakness or something I should discuss with a professional)

So I scan my ticket at the self help computer. That way a airport personnel could not figure out that I was a travel nit wit.

I go in the direction of fellow flyer's and I watch what they do at the security check point.

Which by the way is creepy.

The one in Tulsa is nice but the one in San Francisco is not so nice and neither were the people. Like this lady that I thought was going to take off my head for taking her little basket ...shit she already had two baskets. I thought she could share.

Back to leaving the airport in town.........I find my terminal and everyone is sitting there waiting and I look for someone else that just walked up to see what they do but no one else is walking up and there is a airline employee at the desk.

So I ask myself " do I just sit down or did all these people go up to him and like check in or something?"

" oh crap...I don't know what to do and I don't want anyone else to figure out that I don't know what to do because then I think I will look like a moron."

So I get brave and decide I will just go and talk to the airline employee.

Here is our conversation:

But first we must give airline employee a name............How about Jack Ass!

Momma: Hi...umm I have not done this before so is there something that I am suppose to do?

Jack Ass: what?

Momma: Ummm I said I have never done this before, is there something that I am supposed to do? ( I am talking softly)

Jack Ass: Suppose to do? (he is talking loudly)

Momma: Yes that is what I said ....am I suppose to check in with you?

Jack Ass: What?

Momma: Wow really?

Jack Ass: huh?

Momma: I think I will just have a seat now!

Jack Ass: Ummm Yeah...( his ummm yeah was equal to a DUH!)

So I have a seat and wait.... I am getting worried because the terminal listed on my ticket is not matching what it says on the scrolling screen above Jack Ass's head.

" Oh man, what am I going to do?"

"I cant talk to anyone here because then they will figure out that I have no idea of what I am doing...especially Mr. Stud Muffin sitting next to me with his fancy shoes that cost more than all of my wardrobe put together."

Plus I cant seem to take my eyes and ears off this guy who is talking very loudly on his cell phone and I am looking at the guy next him and wonder why he does not seem irritated by loud talker Billy there and then I figure out that they are together and then I am wondering if they are lovers and so then I cant take my eyes off of the two of them to see if they let on about their sexual realtionship but one of them seems to be getting frustrated with me that I am staring....so I pretend to be reading something on my phone.

Then I remember that I am scared that I am am not in the right terminal.

Then some higher power helped me out and I raised my head and looked across the walkway and noticed that my flight was listed at a different terminal so I ever so slyly ( is that actually a word) get out of my seat and make my way to the terminal that is going to get me to the beach like I knew what I was doing all along....but not before I give Mr. Jack Ass a look that only another Jack Ass could give.

The nice airline employee at the other terminal starts calling certain types of flyer's to be seated first.

Ok I think....new problem. "I don't know what type of flyer I am." I look over my ticket.

I am definitely not first class...didn't have to look at my ticket to figure that out. I live in the hood ....please!

So I try to size myself up with other flyer's and I find someone that looks similar to me. Only his skin is darker and he is way taller.....but I think we are about the same.

I decide to follow him to the plane and hey they didn't even stop me!

I get on that cold ass plane and luckily there is no one seated next to me yet.

I watch everyone that enters that plane saying to myself yes or hell no as to whether or not I want them sitting by me.

Here are just a few of the people that came on that plane:

Tall Basketball player.....yes

Ghetto chick with a serious attitude.....hell no

Grandma with a huge ass purse that will definitely hit me when she sits down .......Please no.

Another Basketball player....sure go ahead

Ghetto chicks best friend.......Keep Movin

Cowboy want-a- be with his big cowboy hat.....not today partner!

Then that was it...they closed the door and I actually have no one sitting beside me!.......SCORE!

I shove my bag that is almost bigger than regulation size under the seat in front of me. I put my hippy purse in my lap, I fasten my seat belt and hold on for dear life.

Only to sit in the runway for 45 minutes as they de-ice the plane.

Shit did they say de-ice!

Oh man I may need drugs because I am feeling like I am going to vomit but I have no flippin idea where the bathroom is and I am cold as hell and I hate to be cold and I am all alone and what the hell am I thinking going off by myself to California to meet my sister who is a pro at all this shit.

I start texting Not The Baby telling her I am scared....no answer ....she is not awake yet and she should be because she is going to be late for school if she is not up by now.

I text Baby Girl.....nothing from her either.

I imagine both of them in their warm beds all snuggled up and wonder if I will ever see them again because the pilot did say ice and well what if they miss some and it gets thrown into the engine or maybe hits my window and cracks it and it breaks every where and it sucks me out of the plane but that damn ghetto girl gets to live because when the pilot sees me falling to the ground he decides to make an emergency landing!

This is why I am no good alone with my thoughts people!

You really have no idea where I can go with this.

As a matter of fact I am now picturing me falling to my death so therefore I must break from my story.

Part two tomorrow.

Peace and Love and safe travels,
Momma

Now She Drives ...

2011-02-02T19:29:00.001-06:00

Way back in November when there was not 5 foot snow drifts outside Not The Baby turned 16!

Can you believe it 16!

She chose to go out to dinner with friends for her birthday.

I so wanted to be invited and years ago I would have crashed that party like nobodies business.

But I have grown up a little bit.

( I refuse to grow up completely)

Now that she was 16 it meant driver license time!

Now days you cant just show up at the local armory and get your license when you turn 16. That is unless you have had six months of previous training also know as making the Momma crap her pants as you take the corner 30 MPH.

When it was time to start drivers education Not The Baby brought home information on the cost of such program.

Momma: Oh good! sweetheart let me see what this will cost me.

Not The Baby: I would like to do this one because you get it all done very quickly.

Momma: What the hell are they thinking ? They want $300 dollars to teach you how to drive!

Momma: I think not!

Not The Baby: But I have to have this training to get my license.

Momma: Well you know what I think....... driving is over rated.

Momma: I really don't mind driving you around sweetheart.

Not The Baby: What the hell mom.

Momma: Watch your tone with me!

Not The Baby: Remember I can say that word because it is a place and I am now 16.

Momma: Oh yes, I forgot about YOUR rule.

Momma: What were the other words that you are apparently old enough to say?

Not The Baby: Piss and shit.

Not The Baby: Since those are things we actually do!

(For those of you that don't know it, Not The Baby comes up with her own rules on a daily basis and some how manages to get away with it. Do you think that this is lazy parenting?......This is what you call tired of fighting....been a Momma a long time and the youngest ones totally take advantage of it.)

Anyways back my story......

Momma: You know what big britches I am going to sign us up for the parent taught drivers education!

Not The Baby: But it would be so much easier just to get this over with. Plus you know your driving skills have been in question for some time now. Papa refers you to some race car driver doesn't he?

Momma: Papa is just jealous because I drive better than he does, as a matter of fact I do a lot of things better than he does but don't tell him because he is sensitive and it will just hurt his feelings and then I feel like I have to apologize and quite frankly I don't feel like apologizing over something that I know is true.

So it is set in stone, I will teach Not The Baby how to drive!

The first time or two I was told that I made her nervous.

Baby Girl agreed that I was being a little gripy when Not The Baby drove.

So I tried to tone it down a little.

But for some unknown reason when I would tell Not The Baby to slow down it would take her like an hour to actually put foot to brake.

When she would turn it was like she forgot to bend her arms and the turn would turn into this whole head jerking making the Momma furious situation.

Then one time we were in a parking lot at the local grocery store and I told Not The Baby to turn the wheel a little and get over for the passing car..........nothing.........nothing......she freakin did nothing. So I said it louder.

Momma: Turn the wheel Not The Baby!

Still nothing!

Momma: Turn the F****ing wheel before I grab it!

Not The Baby: Oh my Gawd mother!

Momma: Don't you gawd me....you suck at driving!

Momma: Oh crap did I just say that?

Baby Girl: (who happens to be in the back seat) Yep you sure did Momma....way to go...you are a great teacher!

Momma: Baby Girl....zip it or I will teach you to drive too!

So that is how the 6 month training went in a nut shell.

And thought carrying her in my body for 9 months was a long time!

Long story short she now has her license and thinks it is still cool for her to run errands for me!! ha ha

Wait till she figures out that running all over town grabbing this and that at the store is actually torture.

I have often tried to picture Not The Baby in her car driving along sitting on that booster seat of a pillow she has to have in order to see the over the steering wheel. Wondering if she sings when she drives or if she is really scared out of her mind.

Then while going through some pictures I came across these:

Mystery no more.
She is way too much like her mother.....Help me!

Peace & Love
Momma

2010-2011 Brings A New Life For Momma

2011-02-01T12:35:00.004-06:00

I have so many times thought about this blog and longed for it.

I also have longed for the time that I used to have to write this blog.

Life is crazy.

I know tell you something you don't already know.

But really life is crazy.

Last summer my five year stretch with the public schools was being threatened.

Budget cuts....what else is there?

I heard through the grapevine that I may not have a job.

I loved my job.

I was damn good at my job.

I loved those kids.

Now the pay, well that is a totally different subject.

Pay for a classified employee in my position not only sucks but makes a leech look good.

Then out of the blue came an opportunity that if I let pass by me my friends and family members said they would no longer speak to me.

Ok... ok.... I get it.

God (whom I really should listen to more often...forgive me Lord) was laying it right in front of me and saying take it or your a fool.

So July 12th 2010 I became a employee of a major oil company and guess what?

I am on the bottom of the totem pole and they still pay way better than the school.

Do I miss the time off for all those school breaks .....what are you kidding, hell yes I do!

Do I miss the kids.....You better believe it.

Do I miss sleeping past 4:30 in the morning and taking Baby Girl to school?

With every ounce of my being!

But sometimes you have to look past the here and now and for me that is hard because the here and now are my babies.

The here and now I can never get back.

The future....well no guarantee.

Am I thankful for what I am doing now?

YES

Yes because it has made me look at me.

Made me realize that after the kids there is me.

I also thought that my life could not coincide with my kids.

I have found out that I was wrong about that too.

You know what?

I have found out that I was wrong about a lot of things.

I would hate to think that I would walk around this beautiful earth always thinking that I had it all figured out and only what I believe is the way for everyone to believe.

Yep that was me in a nut shell.

Now I see more.

I hear more.

I feel more.

Now I would be lying if I didn't tell you that life has scared me, made me harder and there are times that I long for little naive me.

There are times that I long for that sweet person that was once me.

I can still be sweet but I guess I am just a little more" life educated".

I still however believe that what does not kill you only makes you stronger and also that things happen for a reason.

I have tendency with my life to be afraid when things are going well because I am always looking around the corner for something bad to come my way.

Just when you least expect it.

Like a long lost friend from high school that you never really knew why you were friends with her because down deep you hate her guts and you want the whole world to know what bitch she really is!

But really we can not control anything. Life will hit you no matter what you do to avoid it.

Sometimes it hits you like a good hand of cards and other times like a brick wall.

I am not a gambling girl but I prefer cards please!

So bottom line I have a new job that actually has room for growth.

I am still dying to get back to college and will do everything in my power to make that happen this year.

I am down to two Babies at the house.

I finally drive something that is not considered to be a grandma car for the first time in my life. (thanks to the new job)

Oh yeah and I actually am a grandma....but don't you even think about calling me that because even though my thirties are quickly fading they say thirties are the new twenties and well that means when I hit 40 that I would actually be 30??

Plus I was not suppose to me a grandma this young and Brat Baby was suppose to take a different road in life .....looks to me like her name fits her properly!

Sense a little soreness there?

Oh.... like it was yesterday!

There is something that I should change.....holding onto anger for too long!

Oh well I never said I was perfect.

Fells damn good to write.

Peace and Love,
MOMMA

P.S.
I actually left home all alone for a trip of my lifetime.....cant wait to share.

Teacher? Maybe... Probablly..... More Than Likely!

2010-06-22T20:50:00.006-05:00

I think I have told you about how Baby Girl does not really play with toys. If not well I am now.

Baby Girls favorite thing in the whole wide world to play is school.

Can you guess who gets to be the teacher?

Baby Girl...duh!

Can you guess who gets to be the student?

That's right any poor sucker that walks in this house willing to do exactly as she says.

Mainly though its the sweet little neighbor boy who is two years younger than her.

Who also has a speech problem, which means his pleas for school to be over tends to go without being heard or understood.

Yesterday sweet little neighbor boy....lets call him Mr. Bean (yes there is a story behind that) came over to play. Sadness came over his face when Baby Girl announced to him that they would be playing school, but Mr. Bean has no one else to play with so he agreed, at least we think he did.

So as I am cleaning the house I walk by their school room (front living room....like I have a choice, you have to. Actually this house is so small you pretty much pass each and every room anytime you need to go anywhere.....hey but I'm not complaining. It's paid for) and Mr. Bean is actually reading a book to Teacher Baby Girl.

I think to myself: well a little bit of forced Baby Girl school is good for him, he is playing and learning at the same time.

Then a little bit later I walk by the front room and they are not there, everything that they were playing with is there though.

So I walk down the hall and pass the computer room.

There in the middle of the floor is Mr. Bean sitting kriss cross apple sauce with his eyes fixed on something in front of him and above him.

I look to see what he is looking at and if it wasn't the meanest looking person I had ever seen in my life (and yes I have seen some...cough ...cough...ha..ha ) Teacher Baby Girl had turned into Principal Baby Girl and was making Mr. Bean sit in silence. Then I heard her tell him:

Principal Baby Girl: So is this more fun than being in class?

Mr. Bean: nooooo

Principal Baby Girl: Ok then I expect you to go to class and listen to your teacher!

Mr. Bean: Okkkkk

I thought at that moment, if this girl does not grow up and do something where she is in charge I will be shocked to no get out!

I have been trying to talk her into being a lawyer. The way she argues with me and brings me to a dead stop....well, she should put her talent to good use some day.

Keep Mr. Bean in your prayers, the poor kid will need it!

Teacher Baby Girl was giving out pretzels later that school day for each correct answer that Mr. Bean got right. When Baby Girl had to help him with one he was only allowed half a pretzel. Funny thing is Teacher Baby Girl got a whole pretzel for every question she asked.

Mr. Bean left to make the long journey home to go get himself some food, the half pretzel was just torture.

People tell me that Baby Girl is a lot like her Momma.............

smile

Where Oh Where Did My Baby Go Oh Where Oh Where Can She Be!

2010-05-05T06:43:00.004-05:00

Baby Girl is 9 years old and those of you with younger children or maybe even older children will think to yourself....9 ......9 is still young!

But let me tell you thanks to older siblings, lack of sensoring on television and the internet our babies now know more than you and I would have ever thought of at that age.

Now , No I do not let her watch whatever she wants, to tell you the truth there are many days of the week that the tv does not even come on in our house.

No I do not let her search the internet, she seldom gets on unless it is freezing or raining outside and she is not able to jump on the trampoline or teach our neighbor boy how he should be learning math (even though she is not an expert herself, she got that from her momma).

Baby Girl does not reveal everything she knows, at least that is what I am thinking but yesterday morning we had just dropped off Not The Baby at school and we stopped to get gas in the car because it had reached the point that it was only chugging down the road (how I hate to get gas) due to lack of fuel, and as I was gasing up the car I notice two little birds just chirping away and thought to myself...ahhhh spring, how I love spring.

I look into the car and see that Baby Girl is also watching the birds, very intently I might add and I think to myself, thank goodness she still notices the little things in life, maybe she still is Momma's little girl inside and not some pre-teen brat that thinks she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants because by golly she is in control of herself and not Me!!! (feel the motherly frustration?)

I watch Baby Girl watching the birds and then she turns to me to see if I see them and I think...ahhh and I lip to her yes honey I see them, arent they cute!

And through the glass she lips to me:

Baby Girl: They are mating!

Momma: Holly hell who taught you that, damn it, just watch the birds and think they are playing!
Thanks a lot for ruining my moment........damn pre-teenism!

Now not to worry I said all of those things to the gas hose and not to Baby Girl, to Baby Girl I just smiled like someone had just shit in my face.

And she went on watching the horney birds!!!

Then if that was not enough she felt like she needed to explain the situation to me when I get into the car ater paying for gas.

Baby Girl: Momma did you see those birds?

Momma: Yep saw the birds!

Momma: Did you see how much gas cost today!

Baby Girl: They were mating

Momma: Did you remember your back pack?

Baby Girl: The boy bird wants to have babies with the girl bird.

Momma: Are you buckled?

Baby Girl: But the girl bird said get off me!

Momma: WWWWHHHHHOOOOOOOOO WWWWWHHHHHHAAAATTTTT

Momma: Baby Girl just sing along to the radio, isnt this your favorite song?

I am so screwed!!!

Peace
Momma

Since You've Been Goneeee...

2010-04-08T21:48:00.002-05:00

Well I'm lyrically NO Kelly Clarkson.....but for some reason when I wrote the title to this blog that is the first thing that came to my mind.

Man since I've been gone my life has done a 360........like more than once.

So now I wonder when I write will I sound the same, some people tell me that I am different. I don't feel all that different, or maybe I just cant feel it all yet.

I had a year from hell and I know there are worse things out there so please God do not present them to me, I will take your word for it that there are worse things to go through.

This last summer I had a complete and total breakdown ( no I didn't go crazy I just was not me), and now I wish that I would have seeked help or someone would have said....."get some help before you lose it". Because here is the devastating part when you lose it, you tend to do things that are totally out of character and when you do those things there is no way to take them back. They are there, etched in stone, carved out of hearts, and forever burned into your memory bank.
Ok don't go overboard with your thoughts, I didn't kill somebody.

I feel like I could write a book on things that happened. But really I'm not sure I would want anyone to read it.

But instead I think that I will work on getting up the courage to just write this blog.

Believe it or not this is Momma.....and I just wrote my first blog since my life changed forever.

Peace!

Growing Up?

2009-06-22T19:46:00.004-05:00

This summer Not The Baby is participating in a program where they put 14 and 15 year olds out in a summer job. The program is directed by a good friend of mine at our local community center.

Now this is not your typical job, this is being the shadow of a CEO and other college graduate jobs.

Jobs that make you think.....I want to go to college and do this some day for a living.

Well when Not The Baby found out that she would be working with the CEO of our local United Way she right off had no idea what that was.

So after explaining it to her she became ever so slightly more excited then she did before.

Quite frankly I think she was just excited about having to dress up.

Which was a bit of a challenge since we are not dress or skirt going ladies in this house. Well ok......I am not.

So off to garage sales I went in search of carer looking, downtown strutting clothes.

And by George if I didn't find some.

The first time I dropped Not The Baby off at her "job" she was so scared that she wanted me to walk her in....so I did.

Well I didn't walk her into the office but I did ride with her on the elevator up to the floor and watched her walk down the hall to her office.

Her comment to me before getting off the elevator:

Not The Baby: " I'm not old enough for a job Momma".

Momma: "Think of the opportunities sweetheart and the people you will meet, because in life it really is about who you know."

Not The Baby: " I am going to be thinking about all the clothes I am going to buy when they pay me!"

Momma: " Ok, well I really want you to lay on the charm with everyone you meet because you never know when you might need these people to land the carer later after college. Hey not to mention an internship while you are in school."

Not The Baby: " I am going to go to the big city mall Momma when I get paid"

Momma: "I mean you are getting an opportunity that most people never get."

Not The Baby: " I think I will go ahead and buy some jeans for the fall season while I have the money."

Momma: "I wish I were in your shoes right now, getting to rub shoulders with community leaders and people in the know."

Not The Baby: "I don't think I will buy any tank tops though, I think I have enough."

Momma: "Remember names of the people you meet and when you go to community meeting try to remember what they are saying so that you can come home and inform me of any cool stuff that is going to be going on around town."

Not The Baby: " I think I may need to buy a new bra too."

Momma: " You should even take your camera especially when you go to the meeting with the state officials."

Not The Baby: " Can we take No Sugar For Me Girl with us when we go shopping?"

Momma: WHAT?

Not The Baby: What?

Momma: " Have you been listening to anything I have said?"

Not The Baby: Yes...Duhhhhh!

At this point the elevator door is getting ready to open and Not The Baby says to me.

Not The Baby: What is the name of the place I am working and what was the ladies name again?

Momma: OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Momma: United Way and her name is Mrs M.

Momma: Have a great day and let me know what stores you want to do your shopping at later.

You got to love her!

What Is The Number To Patent Office?

2009-06-11T06:31:00.003-05:00

First off before I start telling you my hair brain idea I just want to thank everyone that prayed and or sent good thoughts my way!

I know we are going to make it through these testing times.

These testing times is what brought me to my wonderfully intelligent idea!

As I was laying in bed this morning contemplating whether to lay there and sleep or get up and witness the beautiful fog and listen to my favorite morning birds sing an idea came to me.

Now before I reveal my idea to you, you have to take the oath of promise.

Ok say it with me:

"I fellow Internet blogger lover and well lover of all things that hath be given to me via the Internet"

" Do solemnly swear not to take Momma's hair brain idea and run to the nearest patent office making a fortune before she gets a chance to re-do her kitchen and bathroom and fix the brakes on her car and put a new roof on and get new flooring all throughout the house and get the Babies braces and Papa glasses and Momma liposuction."

"So help me God"

Ok now that you are under oath I can tell you my idea.

So far my experience as a Momma has been very rewarding and also very trying.
When Baby Boy was just a wee little lad I hovered over him like a mosquito to me on any given Oklahoma summer day.
When Brat Baby was born I still hovered but let her take a step ahead of me just to give her a little room.
When Not The Baby was four we threw a jersey on her at a soccer game with eight year olds and told her to go kick em ass! (man did she ever....she has always rocked at soccer)
When Baby Girl was four and was learning to swim I told her to go jump off that seven foot diving board and swim to Momma.

And guess what? She did!

So do you see the pattern here, I encouraged my children to fear nothing....well not everything but you know the things that I would not have done in a million years (like jumping off that diving board).

So then I wonder why they have the guts to go through with some of the things that they go through with???

DUHH

My idea would involve a little computer chip disguised as a mole that we attach to there head somewhere, like behind their ear so they don't look at it very often or very easily.

The computer chip/mole will send a signal to the parents when the heart rate is elevated therefore warning the parents of something that is about to occur.

We then are linked to the brain of our children to see what it is that they are seeing and signal that brain to either stop what they are doing or about to do or let them go through with it and learn a life lesson.

I know that this could bring up a whole discussion of right from wrong.....In Vitro or not......Stem Cell Research or not.....

But how many of you have already wished that you could change something your child did?

I know there are things that I would change if I could in myself.

Just a little Thursday morning thought.............

Happy Mosquito eating day!

Boy If I Ever Needed Your Prayers.....

2009-06-09T21:47:00.003-05:00

I know I have asked for your prayers before and believe me I would not be asking again if I really didn't need them.

Papa and I had some serious problems and with prayer and a little time away from each other I think we have things figured out and have realized what we each needed to fix.

Now just when I thought things were going to be getting better Brat Baby has lived up to her name.

Without going into detail I am just sending out an ALL CALL to everyone I know and well to about ten different online prayer request web sites. ( I know maybe I am crazy but I am scared out of my mind)

Tomorrow morning and well of course tonight but tomorrow morning especially would you if you have time please stop for just a second at 10 am and pray for my Brat Baby.

I am one scared and worried Momma and I know that prayer can be stronger than anything.....even me and I like to think that I am really strong.

I swear if anyone tries to tell you that motherhood is easy or that it gets easier the older they get well..........They are so sadly mistaken!

Papa and Brat Baby would probably die if they knew I was writing asking for your help, well because this is our business but you know what......I am keeping it real and well by golly we need help and I know that with prayer ANYTHING can happen!

Plus don't let anyone tell you that their life is perfect because we all have crap in our closet some of us just choose to keep a deadbolt on the door and some of us are not afraid of company coming by.

2009-06-05T06:53:00.001-05:00

Oh my gosh i am sending a post via text messaging from my phone i know everyone can do it and it is not a big deal but this is my first time happy friday

What Does The Second P Stand For?

2009-04-01T18:43:00.021-05:00

Well Most of you already know what it stands for unless you are my crazy BFF who calls me frantically on the phone to say the following, the moment the phone is answered:

BFF: ARE YOU PREGNANT?

My End of the receiver: WHAT!

BFF: You know the other P word!

My End Of The Receiver: Are you crazy?

BFF: Yes I Just Used The P word!

My End OF The Receiver: WHAT

BFF: Well are you?

My End of the receiver: What P word are you talking about?

BFF: You know the other P word on your blog! Duh!

My End Of The Receiver: Do you want my mom?

BFF: CRAP YOU PEOPLE SOUND ALIKE!

So then I get on the phone and she is sounding very confused and frantic!

I ask her what is going on and reassure her that pregnancy only happens when a male sperm comes in contact with......

Well whatever you get the picture and so there it is not humanly possible that I could be in that state of being. Because if I was, scientist would want to probe and prod me to see how that all happened without contact from the opposite sex.

So that brings me to the other P word.

How about I show you first:

Thats right P stands for PUPPY.

Who could not love a sleeping face like this and this Puppy has a story.

My sister all the way up north in freeze your ass off country has a Australian Shepard Momma who met up with one of the local country boys (which one has yet to be determined) and had a litter of pups. One Saturday morning she calls me and said "I am going to e-mail you a picture of something that you wont be able to turn away."

Well obviously I thought him to be as cute as she did and well that was a no brainer that the Babies would love him the moment they set their eyes on him.

So I say to my sister, are you going to bring him when you take the 12 hour trip home?

Oh and by they way when are you going to get your sorry butt home I have not seen you in a year or better!

Well unfortunately sis could not bring the puppy herself so she did the next best thing.

She flew him on Continental Airlines!

That's right we picked up our new four legged family member at the airport.

Ryder is his name and he is wonderful.

Though it could be the fact that Rex had the bar set so low on expectations of dogs that anything would be considered good compared to the likes of Lucifer

So we are now a family of three indoor R's:

Rex:

Rol-o:

And Now Ryder:

Now we must not leave out the other two cats in our lives....Sky who is a permanent outside resident and Momma/Blackie...she lives part of her days outside and the other part with Brat Baby because she likes NO ONE!

Could that be why she and Brat Baby love each other so much because they are so much alike!

So there you have it a prom dress and a puppy all in one spring break day.

Who could ask for anything more?

Peace out,
Momma

What Begins With The Letter P?

2009-03-31T06:11:00.005-05:00

Well let me tell you what begins with the letter P.

Over spring break (ah just the sound of those two words brings me a wonderful feeling going down my spine) I took the girls to the big O town where we went off in search of Brat Baby a Prom dress.

There is the first P word.

Prom Dress.

Pictures will come later.

We went to the worlds largest JC Penneys while we were there and WOW was that something.

I don't usually get excited about clothing stores because I am so stinkin frugal that I don't like to pay department store prices when Sally down the street will do it for me and then I can buy it for fifty cents at her garage sale next season. But let me tell you the clothes were unbelievable!

Brat Baby tried on three dress.

The first one was the one she feel in love with and the girls and I were like.......

Girls: well it is different......maybe a little too different.

Baby Girl: You look like a mermaid

So then Brat Baby tried on a different dress.

She loved it even more.

Girls: You look a little to official!

Baby Girl: You look like Belle from Beauty and the Beast!

Finally Brat Baby tried on dress number 3.

I was in another dressing room trying on some fly jeans that I knew I must own. (Yes I just said fly.....I like that groovy word)

When I hear:

Not The Baby: Oh yes, you will buy that one!

Baby Girl: Uhh Huhh that is it, we are done!

So I think to myself, what are those girls talking about, I mean really how great could it be, it is another dress, all big and shinny like the other ones.

So I opened my dressing room door looking good in those jeans I had on and here is what I saw:

I saw my Brat Baby not looking like a brat!

I saw my Brat Baby looking as beautiful as her third Easter in a homemade dress with all her little curls all over her cute little toe head and her little gap between her two front teeth..................and crap now I am crying!

So much of my time with Brat Baby is spent fighting with her that I tend to forget those times when she was so young and innocent and full of life and love and the moment I saw her in that dress it all came crashing down on my world and I remembered it all!

She was a light in the darkness.

A shine on a silver spoon.

A drink of fresh water.

A new moon.

A shining sun.

She was my Brat Baby and she looked phenomenal!

So needless to say we walked out of the worlds biggest JC Penneys store owning that dress. some really cute shoes with it and somehow some really fly jeans ended up in our bag also!

Tomorrow I will tell you about the other letter P word.

A hint.......

You cant buy it at the Worlds Largest JC Penneys!

Happy Tuesday!

Wow It Has Been A Long Time!

2009-03-29T07:53:00.002-05:00

Oh my gosh I have so many things to write about and no idea of where to start.

One great things is when I woke this morning to yelping I saw something that I have not seen in a few days.

The beautiful sun.

All round and gleaming.

Full of spring time beaming.

Yesterdays snow fall felt so weird. I am usually happy about snow fall because then it would mean a possible day home with the kids off from school but heck this is spring and no chance of that happening.

All soccer games had to be cancelled and that was a bummer because I am actually ready to get my soccer tan (aka farmers tan).

So instead we did some laundry!

Boy was that a blast.

Then I made chocolate covered strawberries and we ate them in 15 minutes.

Then I made the most delicious roasted chicken and ate that in 5 minutes.

And since were still hungry for chocolate I made some no bake cookies and Devil Dog ate those in 10 minutes......all of them!

Even though my instructions to Not The Baby were before I walked out the door to take Baby Girl to Picture Mommas house for a play date was as follows:

Momma: Not The Baby, you will have to watch these cookies because if you don't Rex will get them!

Not The Baby: Well push them to the center of the table!

Momma: Not The Baby, Rex can get to any part of this table that he wants plus all of the kitchen counter tops, Honey he is a big boy!

Not The Baby: Ok Momma.

Momma: Ok Not The Baby

So off Baby Girl and I go to her bff's house leaving behind the three other Babies, Papa, Our extended family member Girl Next Door, and Brat Babies boyfriend.....hummmm lets call him.....
Keep Your Hands To Yourself Boy Or Momma Will Kick Your Ass And You Will Wish You Never Met Brat Baby!

Ok, so what I don't trust teenagers and especially the ones that stand to pee.

Remember I have one of them.

Anyway my gosh I am getting lost on that......which reminds me of a story that I will share with you on another date.

Anyway as I was drinking coffee at Picture Mommas house and complaining about Papa my cell phone rings.

Momma: Hello?

Not The Baby: Momma?

Momma: Yes honey?

Not The Baby: Momma Rex got a cookie.

Momma: really?

Not The Baby: Yes!

Momma: Well were you not watching him honey?

Not The Baby: Well I was and then he went to lay down and pretended that he was sleeping.

Momma: Ahh the old sleeping trick huh!

Not The Baby: Yes that one Momma.

Momma: Well how bad is it?

Not The Baby: Well Momma he ate every cookie....

Momma: WHAT!

Not The Baby: Every Cookie Momma

Momma: Oh Not The Baby, you have to watch that fart!

Not The Baby: I know I am sorry Momma.

Momma: That's ok

Not The Baby: Can we make some more cookies when you get home?

Momma: No that dang devil ate the last of our oatmeal!

And here I thought he was being such a good boy lately.

Never trust a wolf in sheep's wool!

Also never trust a Papa to do a Momma's job!!!!!!!

I may have to make a trip into town so that I can get Not The Baby some more oatmeal so that the two legged animals in this house can have a cookie today.

Happy Sun Shining Day!

Thought Provoking

2009-02-25T21:12:00.005-06:00

I went to a writers workshop headed up by a dear friend of mine.

Every time I am around this friend he leaves me in thought.

He leaves me feeling like there is a whole world at my finger tips just waiting for me to take a turn at.

Even though this is nothing that I don't already know, because I know that anyone can do anything and be anyone.

But we get lost in our daily lives of just being.

We get lost in the day to day rat race and though I would not change it for the world. I know that someday there will not be babies at home to raise and mouths to feed other than my own.

There will not be daily drama to deal with or sibling rivalry to control.

One day there will be just me.

Will I still always just be Momma?

And JUST seems like a word I should not use because to me Momma means everything.

There is no star brighter than a Mom. There is no man on earth that could take my place and so to use the word JUST seems belittling.

Or will I become something else, someone else or just find another part of me that I have yet to explore.

Or will I just dream about those things that I wanted to try, or envoy those that took the leap.

There are days that I wake up and see myself as someone who is yet to find her path. Then there are days that I wake up and say to myself, who could ask for anything more.

I feel comfort in the days of complete contentness.

I feel edgy on the days that I seek fulfillment.

So then I find myself walking around somewhere in the middle of both emotions.

Really I don't think one lifetime is enough to do everything I want to do and as I sat here I hear the clock ticking and I tell myself that life is to short for dreams only.

Then my babies walk in the room and tell me how much they love me and I think that I could die the happiest person on earth at that very moment.

Gawd I hate it when I think too much..................I need to just go to bed and dream happy content dreams. No sky diving in this dream!

If I Am This Bad At Thrity Something .......

2009-02-24T06:09:00.003-06:00

My memory is about as good as a lady living out her 99th year in a rocking chair next to her window.

Sometimes I worry about it and think "you know maybe I should see a doctor!"

Then there are other times I just think, "no Momma you just need to focus better!"

Then there are times when my family makes me feel like a complete fool "Gosh Momma you don't remember anything I tell you do you?"

Papa however uses it to his advantage and says things like "Oh don't you remember I told you that I was going to be late getting home tonight?"

Whatever!

I know he is full of crap.

Now here is where it comes in handy for the kids.

Momma: Not The Baby you are grounded!

Not The Baby: no comment

Next day:

Not The Baby: Hey Momma can you take me to the basketball game?

Momma: What time?

I actually get her there and drop her off and then go.......

Momma: What the crap.......she just pulled a fast one on me!

Or Papa waits until I get back and says something like

Papa: I thought she was grounded?

Momma: Don't you know I forget ........damn tell me sooner what it is I told these kids!

I would like to think that this type of behavior is normal.

That Mommas around the world are forgetting what they say or do.

I mean really it is the children's fault that I am losing my mind.

Well that and Papas.

Maybe I should try some herbal remedy.

Drugs scare me so I think that I could not bring myself to ask the doctor for help.

Plus who wants to pay the doctor to tell you there is nothing wrong with you, or better yet my luck would be:

Doctor: Oh dear honey you should have gotten to me sooner.....you head is due to explode within the next two weeks and you will be a goner.

The doctor.....that is whole other blog about that fear!!!!!!!!

I swear I am getting worse by the day.

So help me...... make me feel better about myself.......hell lie to me if you have to.

Just let me know that I am not the only fool out there that would loose her head if it was not attached.

Happy Hang On To Your Head Tuesday!

It Was All About The Brat Baby

2009-02-23T06:40:00.005-06:00

That's right my Brat Baby just hit the big 17!

I would love to say that she had a great birthday with lots of smiles and joyfulness all around her but she pretty much lived up to her name!

Even though everyone in the house tried to pull out of her why she was not so happy on her day she refused to say why!

I did however get her to smile a moment for this beautiful shot.

Oh the life of a teenage drama queen!

One day she will grow up and hopefully see that life was not near as drama filled as she once thought it was.

I love you Brat Baby!

Never Enough!

2009-02-13T05:46:00.003-06:00

Time that is!

There has been so many little stories that I want to share with you and yet with Azazel's birthday and Brat Baby having a birthday next week and well the holiday of sweethearts upon us, I simply can not get enough time in the day!

Ok so I am stretching it a little using Valentines day as an excuse seeing that Papa does not have a sweet loving bone in his body to think of his one and only woman for the last 21 years!

That is why I along with many other woman in this world will be out buying her own Valentine gift!

What should I buy myself this year?

So I promise to post this weekend for I am longing to write but right now I still have to finish my valentine cards to my kids in class.

Happy Friday and I hope your loved one remembers you on the big V-Day!

What Does The Hog Say?

2009-02-02T06:23:00.006-06:00

What day is it?

You got it Ground Hog Day!

I woke Baby Girl at 6:30 to watch Phil come out of his stump and see if he was to see his shadow.

Well in case you have not heard.

Here is what Phil saw:

Phil was happy for his Steelers and unfortunately saw his shadow!

Sorry my dear friends but that means 6 more weeks of winter!

Happy Ground Hog Day!

Freaky Friday!

2009-01-30T06:17:00.003-06:00

This morning I woke up an hour later than I should have and to the fact that I had been having a really weird dream for sometime.

In this dream I let Not The Baby go to New York with several other of her 14 year old friends and not one parent along for the ride.

Why on earth would I do that?

So I always try to figure out why I am having some weird dream.

Maybe it is because Brat Baby says that when she turns 18 she is going to New York with friends?

Is it because Not The Baby has the power to talk me and her father into almost anything?

Is it because I watched American Idol last night and they were in New York?

Is is because Not The Baby told me she was wanted to go the mall by herself and meet up with some friends?

Well what ever it may be I just know that not one of my babies is going anywhere by their selves any time soon.

Why they ask?

Because I had a bad dream by golly, that's why!

Happy Hope You Had A Better Dream Then Me Friday!

And We Think They Are Not Listening

2009-01-29T06:21:00.004-06:00

On January 20 Baby Girl woke up all excited about the inauguration of our new president.

So much that she made this poster:

Well the next day when she woke up she was listening to the news channel that I had on tv.

On the news was talk about Sen Kennedy and what happened to him at President Obama's Luncheon. How he had a seizure while he was there and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital.

Baby Girl yelled at me to come to her.

Baby Girl: Momma, you know that man that did this (she starts shaking her body) at Obama's lunch?

Momma: You mean Sen. Kennedy who had a seizure?

Baby Girl: Yes Momma, that guy.

Momma: Well yes

Baby Girl: They found out what caused it.

Momma: Really what?

Baby Girl: It was the tea at the luncheon.

Momma: What?

Baby Girl: The tea!

Momma: Oh you mean FATIGUE!

Baby Girl: Something like that, yes that!

Momma: Baby Girl have I told you how much I love you?

Baby Girl: Yes Momma

Just when we think they are not listening, trust me they are!

Happy back to school and back to reality

Darn The Luck

2009-01-27T18:51:00.003-06:00

Well chance won and we were out of school today and guess what we are out of school tomorrow also.....Sorry Karl that you have to work and get out in this.

I promise to stop doing the indian snow dance so that the drive to work will be better.

Not to mention Picture Momma is probably pulling her hair out with the kids stuck inside for days.

We have mixed feelings at our house about the weather canceling every thing.

Baby Boy actually like college and wants to go back to be around his peers and not get so far behind that they load him up on major assignments just to make up for all the snow days.

Brat Baby is ready to go back and get the hell out of dodge. Those were almost her exact words. (It has been an exciting day with that baby)

Not The Baby is really enjoying being off, that way she can try out different hair styles and see if she can come up with a new way to knock the socks off those little middle school boys. (The boys are about to drive me crazy)

Baby Girl loves, loves, loves to be out of school, that way she does not have to take off her pajamas ever and she never has to brush her hair.....Oh wait she does not do that any way. Well she does not have to argue with me about brushing her hair.

Me well Martha and I spent an hour together today and I watched that skinny little Italian girl and she made me want to cook some mini cheesecakes. I did dishes and laundry and Oh I cheated and taught Baby Girl how to cheat at UNO.

My Grandmother is probably rolling over in her grave over that one. She hated playing with sorry losers. I just didn't want Baby Boy to win again.

What will tomorrow bring??

Cheesecake, painting, bread making and stress over the fact that I will have to go back to work the next day!

Oh well I will just enjoy the time I have at home and dream of summer vacation and time with my friends.

Cookouts

Water slides

Zoo trips

Garden growing

And most heavenly of all

GARAGE SALES!!!

There Is A Chance.....

2009-01-26T06:13:00.003-06:00

There is a chance that tomorrow I may not get out of my pajamas before noon.

There is a chance that I may get to drink coffee all day long tomorrow.

There is a chance that I can lay in my bed tomorrow and watch Martha and Barefoot Contessa and dream of reproducing the wonderful concoctions that they are so good at.

There is a chance that I could bake some bread tomorrow, maybe even something new and maybe with a friend.

There is a chance that I could get to witness sibling rivalry all day tomorrow.

There is a chance that Papa will be griping and I will be happy tomorrow.

There is a chance that this poverty level workin Momma might not have school tomorrow.

Because old man winter is suppose to blow in something that scares the bus drivers and Mommas alike.

Hey I like chances and I LOVE Snow Days.............

What?

2009-01-25T09:22:00.002-06:00

You mean this thing is still here?

I have had so many emotional roller coaster rides over the last month or so and for some reason I am always suspicious that they are not over.

But on a much brighter note I have good news to tell of.

For the last 5 months I have been pretending that I lived like those in Little House On The Prairie and boiled my water for baths!

I thought it would be fun to act as though you were only making poverty level wages working for the good of man kind caring for sweet young mind children 7 hours a day.

Oh wait a minute that is what I do for a living and that is the level of income that I bring home!

Ok so the truth is that the water heater went out this summer.

Picture Momma and Trauma Karl tried to lend me money to fix it but I did not want to take that much money from friends! I love you guys.

I kept thinking to myself that a break would come and I would just call up the plumber and get er done!

Well Thank Ya Jesus....as Baby Girl and I like to say!

Our ship came in and man did it sail out just as fast!

Over $800 later we have hot water!!!!!

Please hold while I do the hot water heater dance!!!!

I am ever so grateful for hot water, indoor plumbing, heating, electricity, roof over my head and family and friends!

Was it the worst thing ever?

Oh no, not by a long shot!

Do I currently need to seek the hands of a good chiropractic physician for all the strain to my back caused from carrying a large stockpot of water from the kitchen to the bathroom three times a day?

YES

Will I live though?

God I hope so!

I am woman hear me roar!

Happy freezing cold Sunday, I hope your water is warm!

Oh How They Run!

2009-01-05T20:18:00.005-06:00

Tears that is....

Over the Christmas break I went with some friends to see the movie Marley and Me.

Before I went several people had told me..."Well you may not want to see it the dog dies you know."

Momma: So what the dog dies. People die too you know.

Momma: Does everyone care more about a dog than about human life.

So what does Not The Baby have to say about that?

Not The Baby: So! Dogs don't have control about what happens to them, they rely on people to care for them.

Not The Baby:That is why people love dogs so much! That is why people cry over dogs dying!

Not the Baby: Get a heart Momma!

Momma: GET A HEART!

Momma: You are telling me to get a heart!

Momma: You are talking to the very person that gave birth to your big head and let me tell you baby, that hurt like hell!

Momma: I care, I have a heart. I just think it is stupid for people to act like it is the end of the world when a dog dies in a movie!

Not The Baby: Whatever Momma!

Momma: Yea whatever!

So I go to the movies with three of my amigos and when we sit down I ask Miss E if Mrs. B has tissue?

Mrs. B said that she did not bring tissue.

I think to myself what in the heck was she thinking, she is going to be bawling her head off, she is the dog lover of all dog lovers and she DID NOT BRING TISSUE!

So the movie starts just as the book did, where Marley is a total pain in the butt and the fact that those people did not walk his happy little butt to the SPCA is a total miracle.

(Look who is talking, I house Azazel, remember....who is currently being screamed at as I type.)

The dog gets older and older and older.

Then one day the dog can not make it up the stairs to go to bed with his beloved master, so his master sleeps on the floor with Marley.

sniff

sniff

sniff

How sweet of him to sleep on the floor with him, personally I would have just carried the dog to the bed, but hey it was sweet.

Then the dog gets sick.

The dog may die.

sniff

wipe

sniff

wipe

Then guess what happens?

You got it, he kicks the bucket.

sniff

sniff

sniff

sniff

sniff

I am now crying so hard that my shirt is getting all wet from my tears.

I look to my right and Miss E is crying, well I think she is.

I look to my left and Miss P is crying, well I am pretty sure she is crying.

Then the writer of this stupid movie keeps the camera on the master and his precious old boy while the vet puts him to sleep.

I am bawling, I make this funny noise out of my nose and I can see out of the corner of my eye that Miss E is looking at me.

Oh crap!

I think I am going to loose it.

I try to think happy thoughts......I am grinning from ear to ear now and I see Miss P out of the corner of my left eye turn to look at me.

Shit she is going to think that I am some heartless sicko that has no care in the world for a living being when she sees me smiling, not knowing that this is the only way that I can keep from busting out loud.

I stop smiling and the emotions are starting to build up again to the point of combustion.

Please God I say, let someone in this dog loving packed theater start blubbering out loud before I do.

What happens if I let it go, I am afraid that I will not be able to stop myself.

Oh would this be payback for all those things that I have said about people who cry over dogs?

Ok forgive me for I am sorry.

I am so stinkin sorry.

I was wrong, I was dead wrong!

Finally I put my purse in front of my face so that I can not see the movie screen, but that draws the attention of my friends to myself.

So I put the purse down.

I start to almost burst out laughing again!

(I know it is weird, but that is sometimes how I handle situations that are just a little too much for me.)

Breathe.....I keep telling myself. Think of happy thoughts but not too happy.

(hmmm.....I know Baby Boy finally getting a job is a real happy thought....think of that)

Then finally it is over!

My Gawd they drug the death scene on FOREVER!

I was never so ready to leave a theater than I was to leave this one.

When we were out in the light I tried to see if there were any heartless people out there that did not cry.

I mean there is no way you could sit through this movie and not cry like and infant.

I think I saw one lady dry as a bone!

What a witch!

My girlfriends agreed to hang out with me for thirty more minutes while I wait for Brat Baby to get off work. So we went over to a restaurant and had drinks and dessert.

Brat Baby showed and we headed home.

When I get to the house I go straight for the bathroom and I happen to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror...........

Well not exactly like this but see all the black under his eyes.

Yes that is what my eyes looked like while I was sitting at the restaurant conversing with friends after that damn movie!

I didn't even think I wore that much make-up but it was all under my eyes like I had just been sucker punched.

I think Not The Baby works in mysterious ways!

Yours truly,
The Crying Over A Dog In A Movie Momma!

Happy Tuesday!

Oh The Dreaded Monday!

2009-01-04T20:31:00.003-06:00

For two weeks I have been able to stay at home and not work thanks to this wonderful little holiday we call Christmas Break.

I have not had to deal with anything work related (Thank you Baby Jesus!)

I have been able to spend endless time with my Babies.

Time with my Babies friends.

Time with my close friends.

See some really great movies.

Cry (a lot) about a really great movie.

Play the Wii that Santa brought.

Do endless amounts of laundry (now talk about a lifetime highlight)

Make some really great new dishes.

Install a light that has been sitting around here in a box for six months.

Take Devil dog on lots of outings.

Eat P F Changs!

Spend time with family that I adore.

Organize some cabinets and one drawer.

Fill and run the dishwasher three times a day!

And so on and so on........

All in all I worked my tail off and I am going to miss the free labor that I perform around here as I head back to work at the L.B.

So wish me luck......

The next time I get a really good break will be five months from now.

I feel The Little Engine That Could, I keep having to tell myself..." I think I can , I think I can, I think I can.

Happy Get My Butt Out Of Bed Monday!

Here Is A Short Friday Funny!

2009-01-02T10:27:00.004-06:00

For the last week and a half I have watched Baby Girl sitting around the house enjoying the fact that she does not have to dress for school.

So her pajamas that are four sizes too small have not left her cute little toosh for any long periods of time.

Her hair if not soon brushed will become dreadlocks.

And if the candy canes in this house do not disappear soon then she and our dentist will be on a first name basis relationship.

So I had had it!

I was tired of seeing her sitting on her rump watching tv and eating!

Momma: That is it!

Momma: Turn off the TV and go find something to play with now!

Baby Girl: WAHHHH

Momma: Oh stop it!

Baby Girl: Well what should I play with......

Momma: Oh I don't know what about the hundreds of dollars worth of horses that you have been collecting for years.

Baby Girl: OK OK OK

So guess what?

She has been playing with her toys for two whole days now!!!

Success!

Ok so here is where the funny comes in.

Baby Girl comes up to me a minute ago and says:

Baby Girl: Hey Momma I am playing with my Barbies and I just wanted to let you know that I don't have any boy barbies.

Momma: Oh ok

Baby Girl: Well I just did not want you to freak out!

Momma: Why would I freak out?

Baby Girl: Well because I am pretending that one of the girls is the husband.

Momma: Oh imagination is a great thing Baby Girl......

But guess what the damn tv is not........Baby Girl was afraid that I would think that she is pretending that she is having a lesbian relationship going on with her Barbies!!!!

Well of course she did not say Lesbian or gay, but she didn't have to.

Ok not to offend anyone, if you are gay then more power to you, I am not one to judge love.

Just, well.....

I think I will end it at that!

Do You Ever Guess?

2009-01-02T08:23:00.004-06:00

Do you ever sit around and guess what your kids may grow up and be?

Or if your children are grown do you ever wonder if they went down a different road in life's highway that they would be driving a much different path?

Baby Boy is one of those kids that had pretty much lucked into EVERYTHING!

I also think he is one of those kids that is so used to it that he doesn't see the opportunity's that he is given when they are right in front of his face.

Man I hope he grows out of that one. (and many other things but I will not go into him because I don't want to get that angry on the 2nd day of 2009)

Baby Boy can also be very righteous and very loving, totally a first child!

Brat Baby.....well I see her being an artist or someone in charge of herself and what see does on a daily basis. She will have this studio selling her work and some lady with something up her butt will walk in critiquing her work in a way she does not like and Brat Baby will tell her "Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!"

(Ok secretly I think we would all like that power!)

At the same time she is my most giving child in the house!

Not The Baby......this one can be confusing. She is the most lovable girl in the world! Everyone loves Not The Baby. (except for lately she has been developing an attitude.....I know she is a teenager, but I really thought she would not change)
She has a real love for animals and Oh yes she thinks that business men in their little Honda's are cute! (Yes she actually said that) She could go two ways that I see.......

Life Path #1 Not The Baby could marry the man of her dreams and never have to lift a finger...EVER

Life Path #2 Not The Baby could change the world, if she has a passion and a love she has a way of making you fall for whatever she is saying. There is just something about her that makes you want to follow and love this child. There really is something different about her.

I pray she will take Path #2 first and then go back and visit path #1

Baby Girl........Oh where do I even begin!

First off she currently loves boys way too much and guess what, they love her way too much also. She had this power about her to draw people to her.

She also dreams of putting on plays of playing the star!

Like in school when you are in third grade or above you can participate in the school talent show.
Well she has had plans for what she will perform for the last two years and she still has one more year before she can even participate.

She know Mamma Mia almost word for word and I am not talking only about the music in the musical but all of the speaking parts as well.

Next month is the Children's Musical Theater play of the Princess and the Pea and she is already practicing on next months tryouts!

She has always loved to perform, when she was two she put on a show for some friends at a soccer game that her older sister was playing in and right away our friend M was saying "she is going to be a performer."

She is very good at acting when she wants to, she has told me some BIG stories, where she had me going there for a while and then I finally figured out that she was full of it!

So where will she go, only time will tell, but man would I love to see her in lights on Broadway!

The funny is that I not only dream of what my children are going to do but man I have so many things that I myself would like to try when I grow up!

Never stop dreaming and always try something new for life isn't over until its over.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T08:33:00.002-06:00

I can not wait until I can start writing again on a regular basis.

I just could not resist telling all of you Happy New Year.

I do have stories to tell and funny things to share.

Maybe this should be a new years resolution for me:

New Years Resolution #1 Always write my blog, because it makes me happy!

New Years Resolution #2 Get off my butt more so that my butt will stop growing!

Wait a minute!

If I vow to write always, guess what?

That puts me sitting on butt!

Oh well I think this is going to be the year of making Momma feel good, so if I want to write damn it, I am going to write!

Oh that last sentence brings me to New Years Resolution #3 Curse Less!!!

I hope that this New Year brings everyone joy, health, prosperity and just good old fashion Fun!

What A Merry Christmas?

2008-12-25T16:21:00.005-06:00

Well even though we are going through some tough times right now and even though someone that once loved me was hurtful again today, we have managed to have a good Christmas. For once in my life I feel like I was not trying to have the catalog Christmas and it feels good for a change.
The Babies got good gifts and this is a first in many years. It felt really good to be able to give them things that they wanted rather than just things that they needed.

I went to the movies with my BFF , which in turn happens to be Baby Girl's BFF and one day possibly a spouse (the BFF's brother that is)

And the only sound that can be heard in my house today is the TV blaring the sounds from a gift from Santa....a wii

I know we are behind times a little but they are having so much fun, we have not had a gaming system in this house in many years.

I now have a little more leverage on getting chores done.

Hey you kids want to play rock band?

Well then get your chores done first!

Could Christmas be any better?

Well I am sure that it can, matter of fact I know it could.

But guess what, I don't really care because right now I think that my kids are happy and I am happy just to be living and breathing and listening to those annoying songs on rock band over and over and over.

Thank you to all my friends and family that continue to pray for us. I love you and you mean a lot to me.

I hope that you too are having a very Merry Christmas and I think I might go see if I am rock band material.

Peace
Momma

Changes

2008-12-22T09:02:00.003-06:00

Why are changes so hard for most people?

I usually go with the flow and have taught the same to my babies.

But for some reason I am in a major mind battle with changes that are happening to our family.

One moment I think I am ready for change and then the next moment I not sure of change.

I really think that it is the future that I am scared of.

I am one of those people that take a while to make a decision because I am terrified of making a wrong decision.

God knows I am not perfect and that I make mistakes all the time but these decisions not only effect me but my babies.

I really don't have a voice in this change so it does make it a little bit easier for my battle.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers they really have helped.

At one point all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and not wake up for a while.

Now though I am feeling stronger.

Not quite in the Christmas spirit that I would like to be in but at least I don't want to sleep all the time.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers as our changes have not yet occurred and are going to be long in the process.

But I think I see a light at the end of my tunnel.

I am even thinking of baking today, too bad my stomach does not feel like eating it.

There are way worse things out there then what I am dealing with.

I am a woman and I am strong!

I am a mother and that makes me even stronger!

Happy Cold As Heck Monday!

Lots And Lots Of Breathing Moments

2008-12-11T06:31:00.002-06:00

I hope to be writing again soon but for now I am going to take a unknowable amount of time off from writing to try to get some family issues resolved.

Please pray for me and my children as we will be thankful for each and every prayer!

Happy Thursday!
Momma

Comic Relief Tour 2008

2008-12-03T05:47:00.009-06:00

We went out to eat at a pizza buffet at the local pizza mill and for some reason Papa sat down at this little table that was not big enough for the five of us so the two older girls had to sit at the table next to us!

Ahh the little things that will drive you crazy!

My older babies were doing a lot of talking and laughing that I could not hear what they were saying and that really bugs me!

But I was stuck in the booth with Papa as the big rock in my road.

I would take a bite of salad and hear giggle giggle giggle

Momma: What are you two laughing about?

Babies: Nothing!

Giggle giggle giggle

Momma: You are laughing about something and you better not be talking about me!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Then I look over and the girls are sitting at this table right next to a wall, on the other side of the wall is more tables but they are much higher than the ones that the Babies are sitting at. Like these peoples bottoms are where the Babies heads are.

The man on the other side of the table has laid his arm over the top where it is within reach of Not The Baby.

I keep eating my salad and hear giggling that is getting so loud that I turn to tell them to quiet down and what do my eyes see??

Not The Baby is slowly reaching her fork up the unsuspecting pizza consuming mans arm that is on the other side of the wall!!

Momma: NOT THE BABY STOP!

Not The Baby is in some teenage ignorance , going to have some fun anyway trance.

Momma: I swear Not The Baby if you touch that man with your fork I will , I will, I will take your phone away and answer all your text messages myself as I am impersonating you!

Not The Baby did not respond the trance is too deep.....Brat Baby is busting a gut

Not The Baby has an evil smile on her face and just as she is about to touch the poor mans arm with her fork.......

He moves it!

Thank Heavens

Papa is crying he is laughing so hard, Brat Baby has mascara running down her face from her tears of laughter, Baby Girl is just worried that the boy five tables away might have seen that since he goes to her school and I think she thinks he is cute.

Not The Baby walks away like she has just put on a successful performance.

I on the other hand walked away with sorrow for myself.

Sorrow knowing that one day I will not be there to stop Not The Baby from doing those things that will get her kicked out of restaurant and shopping mega stores and malls of all types and sizes.

Oh you don't think she will get kicked out of restaurants?

Well the record so far is not good.

I recall two separate occasions when Baby Boy was a attitude sporting teen and we went to pull into a restaurant only to be told by him that he was not allowed into that particular establishment!

I just want to know what I have done in my life to deserve this torture....

Would I trade one second of it?

Hell No!

Happy Wednesday and please if you see Not The Baby near forks, please promise me that you will not dangle your extremities near her fork, I can not promise that I will be there to save you!

Christmas Cookie Time Is Soon Upon Us

2008-12-02T06:25:00.003-06:00

I am looking forward to baking cookies for the Christmas holiday.

So what is your favorite Christmas time cookie, I need new ideas!

Happy Tuesday!

One Down ....One To Go!

2008-12-01T05:40:00.003-06:00

Well Thanksgiving went over quite well if I do say so myself.

We had a great time with Aunt P and Uncle R just like we always do and we ate way too much just like we always do.

Then when we are done eating we older girls go to Aunt P's bedroom and order a movie off of the satellite and I talked them into ordering a scary movie (The Strangers) just like we always do.

I should have apologized for asking for that sick and scary movie....I kept my eyes covered almost the entire movie.

Aunt P and Cousin T and I all went shopping bright and early Friday morning.

My alarm on the phone went off at 3:20am and I was out of the door before 4am and drove 25 minutes to Aunt P's house and then we got in her car for another 30 minute drive to our shopping destination.

I think that I am getting old because shopping with thousands of other people up your butt just doesn't seem all that fun anymore!

I really like just clicking with my mouse what is it that I wish to purchase.

Then I promised to take the kids to the BIG city mall on Saturday.......well that went just fine, we didn't buy anything we just looked around and we talked to Santa and Oh yes I met Billy Sims and took a picture with him. (Papa was oh so jealous that he wasn't there to see him but I guess that is what happens when you always choose to stay home!)

Oh and I peed my pants while I was at the mall and had to go and buy new pants!

See I have this cough that is a killer right now and well you know after giving birth to four kids there is not a lot of control in that area!

We saw the millions of lights at the Bible College and ate Chick- fil- a (my favorite place) and then well the Krispy Kreme light was screaming that it had HOT donuts so for some reason the car took control of itself and drove us right into that parking lot and forced us to buy a dozen!

Then last night Picture Momma and Miss S and myself made the most delicious homemade turkey pot pies you can sink your teeth into and we fed a party of 12 at my house all while listening to Christmas music (another one of my favorite things).

So I would have to rate this holiday a 8 on a scale of 10 (8 because the only thing that would make it better is if my sister could have been here to share it with me......then after about five minutes of togetherness we are ready to kill each other, but oh well).

I am choosing not to remember all the family arguments that we had with Baby Boy while he was here or the fact that Not The Baby got in trouble about five times for saying the word Freakin!

Or that Baby Girl broke our remote because someone would not get to her quickly enough to restart the dvr of a show she was watching or that Brat Baby FREAKED when she came home to four kids playing in her room or that Papa was RUDE at Thanksgiving dinner to can you guess who.......Momma.

No Not this Momma....I will not remember any of that, I am going to just remember all the good times we had together this holiday season.

Man I don't need medication with the ability to forget!

Now if I could just forget that I have to go back to work today!

Happy Post Holiday!

It's Back Aching Time!

2008-11-26T19:18:00.009-06:00

All day I have been slaving away in the kitchen cooking for tomorrows feast that we will have with Aunt P and Uncle R and of course my cousins!

Here is why my back is hurting:

I found this great recipe for a Iced Pumpkin Cookies and so I had to try them.

They turned out beautiful!

Baby Girl worked really hard on Thanksgiving decorations......

Thank goodness I found a way to put those pumpkins to use that we never did carve at Halloween.

I have my dinner rolls in the fridge slowing rising until tomorrow.

My Caramel Pumpkin Pecan Gingersnap Cheesecake is cooked and ready to chill over night.

All I have to do tomorrow is make my little sausages that my principal at school told me how to make...

Take little cocktail sausages and wrap a little bacon (about a fourth or less of a piece) and roll it in brown sugar and bake it....YUM

Then I have Jalapeno Poppers still to make tomorrow but I already cut the peppers and got rid of the really hot stuff inside of them.

I need to have Brat Baby make the potato casserole and then I have a veggie try to prepare.

I feel like a need a veggie to take so I may make some sweet potato's if Aunt P isn't already.

I feel like it should be about midnight but by the clock on the computer it apparently isn't even 8pm.........

I am really becoming a wimp!

I hope you all enjoy good food and good company and have the greatest Thanksgiving day every!

Love,

Momma

Oh and I got everything that we will need to make Tropical Sunrise to keep us going tomorrow while us women are slaving away in the kitchen:

How Old Were You When It First Happened?

2008-11-24T05:00:00.000-06:00

Now check all sick minds at the door because no this is not a sex talk.

What is that you say?

You were not thinking about sex............Oh sorry I guess I will be the only one checking in my sickness.

No, what I wanted to talk to you about is how old were you when someone, well actually someone of the opposite sex told you that they loved you.

No we can not count our third cousin who said it.

Oh stop it, I did not have a cousin in love with me, but hey it happens.

The reason I bring this topic up is that Baby Girl had a phone call this past Friday night.

While Picture Momma and I met some friends for dinner Friday night and our children were under the care of other family members something happened that enabled me to write this blog.

I cant remember if I have told you that all secrets and stories told to me by Baby Girl happens in the bathroom at our house.

When Baby Girl is in the bathroom getting ready for bed she can talk for hours...literally!

So the conversation went something like this:

Baby Girl: Ok Momma I have something that I want to tell you!

Momma: Oh Ok sweetheart what is it?

Baby Girl: Chuckle chuckle

Momma: This must be good!

Baby Girl: Well you see B.I.L. (Boy In Love) called me tonight while he was at Burger King with his Grandma.

Momma: On a cell phone?

Baby Girl: Yes

Momma: Did his Grandma know?

Baby Girl: I am sure she did... but why does that matter

Momma: Oh nothing, I just can believe he wanted to call while they were out to dinner.

Baby Girl: Yeah he was bored..

Momma: Well did you talk to your BFF also?

(Note that BFF is the sister of B.I.L.)

Baby Girl: No she was playing

Momma: Man he must really like you....

Baby Girl: chuckle chuckle

Momma: Well what did he talk about?

Baby Girl: He just wanted to make sure that we are still boyfriend and girlfriend.

Momma: I thought you were boyfriend and girlfriend with Baby Cheeks boy at school.

Baby Girl: Well we were but he wont talk enough to me so I told him we were done!

Momma: Well I would have to agree, a girl needs someone who will talk to her and more importantly actively listen to her.

Momma: wise choice Baby Girl

Whoooooo ........wait a minute who am I talking to, I am talking to my 8 year old daughter not to my 20 year old son or Brat Baby who is almost 17 and no boyfriend to speak of, or at least not that she is telling us about.

Baby Girl: I hear ya Momma, I need a boyfriend who will talk to me!

Momma: So is that all that B.I.L. wanted to say?

Baby Girl: chuckle chuckle

Momma: what?

Baby Girl: He wanted to tell me that he LOVES ME!

Momma: What?

Baby Girl: Yes that he loves me and Momma I had no idea of what to say to him.......I just wanted to get off the phone fast....I mean was I suppose to tell him I love him too?

I just freaked out and said I have to go NOW!

Momma:Oh my gosh Baby Girl.........Wait till Picture Momma finds out!

(Note Picture Momma and B.I.L. are related, as in that is her Baby Boy)

I wish I could remember how old I was when someone told me that they loved me for the first time.

I can tell you that I think that Baby Girl has beat me!

I think that I may need to invest in locks and ball bats........No I could never use a ball bat on B.I.L. since we all love him in our house but I am talking about all those other little puppies that will be coming around!

I really thought that I had paid for my raising with the other three previous little bambinos but apparently someone as other payback plans for me or at least that it what it seems like.

Happy Sweet Nothings Monday!

T G I F

2008-11-21T07:54:00.004-06:00

I ran to Dork-Mart this morning during my usual blogging time ....so forgive me!

Happy Freezing Cold Friday!!!!!!!

Those Moments When You Say .....Why?

2008-11-20T06:40:00.005-06:00

Last night I was reading Ugly ( a classic Fairy tale retold by Donna Jo Napoli) to Baby Girl and Not The Baby.

Every time we would read a word that I thought she had no idea what the meaning of that word meant I would first ask her if she knew what it meant and if not I would explain it to her.

So we get to this sentence in the book: We swam along, heads erect, from one feeding area to another. (we are reading about ducks)

I say to Baby Girl "Do you know what that means when they say that their heads were erect?"

Baby Girl: No

Momma: That means that their heads are held upwards, straight up.
(I even tried to pretend that I was a duck and demonstrate what it might look like, don't ask me why I did that)

Baby Girl: Oh....OK

I then continue to read.......

Baby Girl: I am going to go to class tomorrow and ask the class if they know what erect means!

Oh crap I ask myself why I thought I needed to point out that word, the teacher is going to think that we are letting her watch porn or something of the sort, I mean my stars how many kids go around saying the word erect!

Momma: Oh that's ok Baby Girl I bet everyone knows what it means, I mean you better just let Mrs F. teach the class Baby.

Baby Girl: No I bet they don't know what it means

Momma: My gawd I hope they don't know what it means

Baby Girl: Why?

Momma: Oh nothing honey, don't worry about it , your fine, one day we will talk about the word celibate and then you can go tell the whole school.........but that is later....much later!

Maybe it is just me!

Maybe when you hear the word erect you think of a duck sticking his head high out of the water.....and if that is you, than I am sorry for bringing this up ........and if your kid comes home today knowing a new definition and chooses to say it in daily conversation and your kid happens to be a boy....then I am really sorry for explaining the meaning to Baby Girl......

Happy Standing Erect Thursday........you know it will prevent back problems later!

(and I wonder where Not The Baby gets her goofy nature from????)

This Is Another Reason Why I Love My Job!

2008-11-19T06:26:00.004-06:00

I know I have said before how much I love my job.

But let me tell you how funny these kids are!

Every year we put together what is called our turkey book and we ask each child by their selves details about how to cook a turkey.

The first question I ask them is : Where do you go to get your turkey?

Now of course we get a lot of wal-mart, dollar store answers but thankfully we still get some from the farm or the woods.

Not like I go hunting for our Thanksgiving turkey but secretly I have always wished we lived in the woods and Papa would go out hunting for our Thanksgiving meal.

I am not even sure if Papa has ever shot a gun off .

Any way another question I ask is : What do you have to do to get the turkey ready to cook?

My favorite response this year was you have to cut it up ........but the turkey doesn't like it!

Or What other kinds of foods are you going to have with your thanksgiving dinner?

So far at our pre-k children's thanksgiving dinners there will be eggs, bacon, ice cream, cookies and chicken nuggets served a plenty!

I cant give away all the funny stuff that the kids have said in our little book since Heather has a baby in our class and I dont want to ruin it for her.

This makes me want to try to dig out Baby Girl's turkey book to re-read what she said when she was in pre-k.

Happy Hump Day Everyone!

Baby Girl's Dream Come True...A Dance With Her Favorite Man!

2008-11-17T20:43:00.001-06:00

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Fun on The Computer

2008-11-17T20:29:00.001-06:00

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Short Story Monday!

2008-11-17T06:25:00.004-06:00

This I think would be one of those stories that Baby Girl would say ......."That story is not true."

But I am here to tell you that the story is true.

I was eating lunch at school in our little room that a few friends and I eat in that is inside the library.

When I looked up to see that Baby Girl's class was in there listening to Heather teach them wonderful things about books.

I start to look around for Baby Girl.

I don't see her.

I continue to look and I don't see her!

Then all of a sudden I see her teacher and I am thinking "Are you alarmed?"

"My Baby is missing."

Then all of a sudden I spot her!

She is shopping at the book fair that is in the library with her teacher.

Ok, first I think to myself, well that spoiled little brat get over here and listen like the rest of your class, they are going to think that you are the teachers pet and ridicule you for ever!

So I watch them a little while and she is acting like nothing is going on but shopping.

I am embarrassed that Baby Girl is not over listening to Heather and I am worried that Heather will think she is a brat!

So I decide to go back there and find out what on earth was going on with this little puppy dog of mine.

Right away Baby Girls teacher walked over to me and started laughing!

I give Baby Girl the eye!

Teacher: Oh we were looking for you!

Momma: Oh!

Teacher: Baby Girl has had an accident.

Momma: Baby Girl are you alright?

Baby Girl: ..........

Teacher: No, not that kind of accident, she is not hurt.

Momma: Oh good, then what kind of accident?

Teacher: Well she has wet her pants.

Momma: Really?

Baby Girl:.........

Teacher: Yes. I guess Little Jazzy said something really funny on the playground and Baby Girl laughed so hard that she wet herself.

Momma:OHHH.....well that is a good kind of wet pants, I guess she has her mothers bladder.

Baby Girl: chuckle chuckle chuckle

I hope that someone makes you laugh so hard today that you wet your pants!

Happy Wet Pants Monday!

Guest Post!!!!

2008-11-15T19:41:00.005-06:00

Hi this is baby girl!

Yesterday it was the last day with my favorite team .
Now lets get on the real subject my mom, isn't she a heck of a writer she even cracks me up everything she writes about baby girl is not true!
Well that is what i think but don't believe her because mom is not true what she writes .
Now who loves baby girl say AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
peace,
B.G.

(Apperently Baby Girl was not happy with one of my stories about her and she has been wanting to guest post for some time now. She liked writing this so much that she now wants her own blog space!
Soon to come another another guest post by none only than Not The Baby.

Peace,
Momma)

It's Cold Outside And Guess Who Get's To Sit In It?

2008-11-15T07:12:00.004-06:00

The temp is freezing outside the wind is whistling through my sorry windows and we are going to let Baby Girl go play soccer in this crap!

Baby Girl is thrilled about it, she is playing a team that she can not stand and it is her last game.

I however am hoping for snow so that we have a reason to cancel the game, that way I can lay on the couch and snuggle with my blanket and do whatever floats my boat!

Can you tell I am ready for soccer season to cease!

I would really like to snuggle up to a good love story that my cousin T needs to tell me all about!

We missed you for dinner last night, I am dying to hear all about him!!!!!!!

Wish me luck today as I brace the Arctic winds and cheer on my smallest of Babies and pray that she doesn't get sick from this crap!

Happy Keep Yourself Warm Saturday!

My New Idea

2008-11-13T05:29:00.002-06:00

Lately Not The Baby and Baby Girl have been fighting a lot.

I think that they are fighting for that Baby position.

Heck now that I think about it Baby Boy and Baby Girl fight a lot as well, though Baby Girl is not fighting for a position when it comes to Baby Boy. It is Baby Boy that longs to have the Baby position back.

I wonder at what age he will stop longing to be Mommas #1 Baby?

Can you guess what position Brat Baby is fighting for?

That's right NOTHING.....she pretty much does not give a damn if she has a position or not. I do love that about her and then sometimes it worries me.

Anyway I have always taught my kids that they must not pick on the little ones in the house and the little ones are not allowed to pick.

Now I must admit though that Baby Girl can do a good job at getting to just about anyone in the house and for some reason she and Not The Baby like to fight to the point that they are about to rip each others heads off!

So here is my big idea:

I have told those two knot heads that when they start to fight that I will give them one warning and if the fighting does not stop then they will have to chose a chore off the "Fighting Chore List".

This list will contain chores that we do not get done on a regular basis and chores that I do not like to do.

Now Not The Baby had no comment, she was just angry at Baby Girl.

Baby Girl however did have something to say:

Baby Girl: Can I be the one to write the list of chores?

Momma: Do you think I was born yesterday?

Momma: NO!

I will let you know how it works, I am certain that they will give it a trial run this evening.

Happy Fighting Free Thursday!

God Bless The Veterans

2008-11-12T06:33:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was Veterans day and each year at our school the fifth graders put on a veterans day program and our school invites any and all local veterans to attend.

Each year I cry during this ceremony and if I was not working at the time I would probably bawl like a baby.

The fifth graders tell how veterans day started and then they sing some very moving songs.

One of the things that they do is sing the song of each branch of military and invite the veterans that served in that branch to stand during their respected song.

Several years ago there was this elderly marine that stood and sang and cried to his song.

I lost it!

This year I thought the fifth graders did a more than usual good job, each student stood and sang their hearts out and each student seemed as though they understood the importance of the events that they were singing about.

I know almost everyone has someone that served in some branch of military and know the effects that a war can do to a persons soul.

My Papa Willie God rest his soul would have nightmares even thirty years after being out of the army. He served in WWII and in Korea and if I have my facts straight he was a 1st Sergent Major.

My Papa Williams I am thinking I was told that he served in either WWII or Korea, I will have to get my facts together.

And My Uncle R who had to have that crazy dinner with us the other night served in Vietnam.

I am so proud of all of them and I am ever so thankful that they helped keep the freedom that we are living in today.

Who is the special veteran that you love and remember?

My Life Was Changed Forever

2008-11-10T19:54:00.007-06:00

Eight years ago yesterday Baby Girl entered this crazy life of mine, had she know me well enough and known what kind of crap she was getting into with this wild family we have then she probably would have told the nurse to send her home with the Jones's (arent they always more normal)

Then 14 years ago today Not The Baby entered this world with her hand beside her head ripping her mother to shreds as she exited me and entered our life.

Baby Girl surprised us with her presence eight years ago, I really thought that me having babies was over, done with, completed, over and out!

But there were other plans for my life, as one of my children was graduating high school one was entering public school. Talk a about a roller coaster ride of emotions.

My first baby growing up and then my last baby going to school full time!

Let's just say that I should have been medicated and heavily but being poor and frugal kept me from being a drug addict. Plus the fact that I have opened my big fat mouth on numerous occasions declaring that people are weak who have to take medication just to get through their daily lives. (please do not take offense if you are medicated, I now do not have the same beliefs)

Sucks for me since I am not willing to eat any crow anytime soon and now I think I could really use some. Maybe I should start taking up donations.

Pills for the Poor

Pills for the Poor

I promise to use it only when seriously needed!

Maybe like tonight........

Baby Girl got to celebrate her birthday in the hills of Arkansas watching her sister play soccer.

Now if you ask her then she would tell you that it quite possibly might be the worst birthday ever, even though she was able to swim at the hotel with a friend not once but twice. The part that might be so terrible is that she and Not The Baby received their gift early!

An ipod at that. I told them that would be all they get from us since that was a costly gift.
I will never give them any gifts early again!

How soon they forget.

I did take both of the girls out to eat on separate occasions also.

Yesterday morning we left the house around 7 am to hit the donut shop for a birthday breakfast before school and then to suck-mart for two cookie cakes. One for Baby Girl's class and the other one for Not The Baby.

Not The Baby wanted me to bring her cookie to her at her lunch so that I could have lunch with her at school and we could share her cookie with all her friends, so I did.

I changed my lunch schedule around so that I could cram food in my mouth at Not The Baby's school all in under five minutes. (ok maybe we had just a minute longer than that but that is what it seemed like) After that I felt sick as a dog eating that fast.

After school we took all the girls to the mall, both of the birthday girls had money to spend and it was killing them to get it spent. We only had about thirty minutes before we were to meet up with Aunt P and Uncle R for Not The Baby's birthday dinner.

So that made the girls angry that they were not able to shop for very long. I told them that we would shop after dinner. Still for some unknown reason here on earth Brat Baby was angry!
Not The Baby had a look on her face like we had just decided to cancel her birthday.

EMBARRASSING!

Aunt P is asking what is wrong with the girls.

I tell her the story.

Oh

Oh I know.

Now anytime we go out to eat that is another battle for me to fight.

We were eating somewhere that is pricey and I always get this really great salad. So I thought that I could get the salad and split it with Not The Baby since she likes it also.

Baby Girl could get her usual kids meal.

Brat Baby could have what she wanted or she would send death rays through me and whole damn restaurant will be blown to smithereens.

Papa of course will try to find the largest meal there is both portion and price. So I usually try to go cheap.

Well Baby Girl decides that she no longer likes kids meals and that she wants the salad that I get.

Momma:I am not buying a $9 salad for an 8 year old..........see Baby Girl, you must at least be the age of the price of the meal to get it.

Baby Girl: But I wont eat the kids meal, I don't like the kids meal, I just wont eat then!

Momma: Fine we will get the salad and split it three ways, that is unless you would like to get one Brat Baby and split it with your sister or me.

Brat Baby: (Looks at me like I must be nuts) NO

Not The Baby: I am not splitting that salad three ways, there will not be enough for all three of us!

Momma: FINE FINE FINE.....I will eat the Freakin kids meal! Happy Freakin Birthday!

(a look of joy spreads across the face of Not The Baby for the first time that we sit down for dinner)

Then the waitress comes over to take our drink order. Baby Girl says, I will have a Mountain Dew.

Momma: No, no she will not have a mountain dew, Baby Girl did you know that is one of the worst kinds of pop for you! Do you not remember your brother having a kidney stone, what about the obesity rate here in America.......it's the pop I tell ya.

Momma: How about a root beer?

Baby Girl: That sounds good.

Momma: Oh wait a minute, waitress does that come in a bottle?

Waitress: yes it does.

Momma: Well then forget it Baby Girl get something else because they charge extra for that.

All while this is going on, Brat Baby, Papa and Not The Baby are making fun of me and eyes are about to roll out of Brat Baby's head for the level of embarrassment that I am causing her.

So Baby Girl decides to go with something safe like lemonade.

Brat Baby pretty much shouts JUST GIVE ME A DR.PEPPER! (I think she rolled her eyes again)

Then Not The Baby has the audacity to order.....can you guess what?

Not The Baby: I will have a Mountain Dew!

Momma: Like hell she will, what are you doing Not The Baby we just had that conversation!

Then ...Then....The waitress decides to speak

Waitress: Umm we don't even have Mountain Dew!

Why the hell could she not even tell me that many Kate (you know the mom off John and Kate Plus Eight....she is such a witch) moments ago!

At this point I am seeing that this evening is head no where fast....

I order the girls their salad asking the waitress to leave out the blue cheese crumbles (like I always do and like they very often forget to leave off)

So what does Papa do?

Papa: Oh here we go again with the blue cheese crumbles!

Momma: Have you ever had blue cheese crumbles...I know that answer.....No you have not and so therefore you would have no idea how hard it is to pick out Crumbles (hence the name crumbles!)

At that point I was trying to blow Papa to smithereens with my death ray look!

Dinner went well.....no issues that is. Brat Baby and Not The Baby still kept that end of the world look on their face though.

Then the waitress came and asked me if anyone will be having dessert?

I said well what do you guys do for birthday girls?

Oh we will give them a shake said the waitress.

Ok then, we have three birthday girls. Baby Girl and Aunt P's birthday was yesterday and Not The Baby's birthday is today.

So they bring out three big chocolate shakes......yum yum

There was enough there for the whole table.

I tell Baby Girl to get closer to me with that shake so that we can share, so she does.

Now please note that the solemn look is still upon the older girls face.

We are going along just fine eating our free ice cream when Baby Girl turns and knocks the ice cream to the floor (note that the ice cream was in a nice glass) and glass goes everywhere, ice cream goes everywhere. The ice cream gets on Baby Girl and all over the front of my purse.

Brat Baby jumps up like there is a snake at her feet doing her usual talk...

Brat Baby: WHAT THE HECK........BABY GIRL, LOOK WHAT YOU DID!

Baby Girl: Not my fault, you should have gotten out of the way!

Brat Baby: WHATEVER FREAK

Baby Girl: Freak yourself, it was Mommas Fault!

Momma: What......Oh whatever, blame me ok! Everyone else does in the forsaken house!

Now while ice cream is all over the floor and Baby Girl is declaring that she needs to change immediately and Brat Baby is standing ten feet away from the mess like it might get her, Not The Baby is reacting.

Not The Baby:HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Aunt P: Oh my Not The Baby!

Not The Baby: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Crap I think she might have to go change her pants she is laughing so hard!

So to end this long drawn out story, Not The Baby finally smiled at her birthday dinner after we totally embarrassed ourselves.

Brat Baby never did smile.

Baby Girl was pretty much ok with the chocolate on her jeans.

Papa high tailed it out of the restaurant after the mess was made and before the check was delivered.

Aunt P and Uncle R like always is asking their selves why on earth they ever meet us for dinner!

I start getting ready to pay only to see that the waitress is charging me double for the chips and salsa and $12 for the free birthday ice cream!

So once again I have to make a scene, no I was not rude but just talking to the waitress at this point was not something I wanted to do, I just wanted to get out of there fast!

So the waitress had to have the manager fix the ice cream but she still over charged me on the chips and salsa!

Oh well I just want to get the Heck out of Dodge!

After the dinner I dropped the girls off at the mall so they could start their shopping while I ran to get gas and a free movie at red box.

I reached in my wallet to pull out my debit card so that I could get the movie I had picked out for the kids only to discover that I had left my debit card at the restaurant!!

Boy were they glad to see me back!

Today's Post Is Way To Important

2008-11-10T06:53:00.003-06:00

That is why I must wait until I have time this evening to write....because right now the donut shop is calling me to celebrate a birthday breakfast!

I Am Way Too Busy Today!

2008-11-07T05:27:00.005-06:00

I told myself that I can not sit down and write something of any importance or length today!

I am co-hosting a party this evening with Picture Momma, I am working today, I have laundry that is staring at me, I must gather all the things for the party, I have three lunches to pack , breakfast to make (and the kids will be mad at me because we are out of bacon) , a cat box to clean, six cats and a dog to feed, I need to pack for our trip tomorrow (out of state soccer tournament), I need to find out how in the heck to even get to the soccer tournament ( Not The Baby is convinced that I will make her late for her first game tomorrow morning seeing as though she is sure that I will get us lost), Oh yes and Baby Boy has surprised me by showing up a day early for his weekend since he needs help with resume for a job he has always wanted.

Don't worry he is not quitting school, it is a part time job.

Ok, well enough looking for pity from my friends. I have too much to do to be sitting here on my tail!

Happy Flipin Friday!

I See A Light In My Feline Darkened Tunnel

2008-11-06T05:52:00.012-06:00

I have told you that I house and feed six cats right?

Or maybe I was ashed at how many actually live here. Now I did not search out these reproducing fools.

The first cat came to us ten years ago, just showed up at our door and me and my children not being able to turn down anyone or anything that is hungry fed her.

She is Blackie:

Now I could not find a picture of her but this is essentially what she looks like plus I happen to love this artist so I wanted to display her work.

Now Blackie's name soon changed for me and she had names like hooker, sleaze bucket, white trash (oh shoot that one really didn't fit since she was black) but you get the picture. Luckily all of her babies were wild and cared nothing for us!

Then a kind old neighbor took her to the vet one day and had her catting around days put to a stop!

Catting around....I crack myself up!

What it is not my fault that I am not that funny, I work with little kids all day and I could say fart and they would laugh, huh Heather?

Then one day as we are about to go outside the door to a soccer game we hear these little voices crying, it sounds like a baby, I was scared to even look at the door because if someone left a baby at my door step I think that I would be the one crying, shoot I can barely afford to feed the mouths we have here especially when Baby Boy is home!

But we look out anyway and see two tiny kittens in search of food, crap they are hungry and I cant say no to anyone or anything that is hungry.

Don't believe me just randomly show up for dinner I will feed you. Now if payday is to far off you may be eating free bread and chips. Since we tend to have an overabundance of those.

So we fed the kittens and went to our game, all the while I am hoping that when we return home they will have beat feet out of there.

No such luck, this is who we call Chester.....but really he is a she and apparently related to Blackie! You know she has her social skills.

And this one who we call Sky he really is a he! Look at her excitement about the fact that they never run away from home.

Well then lets see here, Oh yes Chester went out in search for cheese one day and came back with:

these two...Rollo and Peach. Yes I know different names but hey the kids named them.

Peach found a new home despite all the tears from Baby Girl. We put an ad out and thankfully got rid of her.

Rollo however was just to cute to give away and I decided that we could have one indoor cat. So this little one is not going to get outside at least not until she has a visit with a doctor.

But Hoochie Momma (aka Chester) was not done painting the town.

She recently came home with these:

We are not naming them!

And Papa has found a home for them together and their mother!

Oh it is a happy day when we are rid of three cats at once.

sniff sniff....Ok I will miss them but I am not going to admit that to the kids!

Happy Fewer Mouths To Feed Thursday!

I Am Proud Today!

2008-11-05T06:40:00.002-06:00

Last night Not The Baby, Baby Girl and myself fell asleep with the lap top on the bed logged into cnn.com which had four live streams showing all very important happening with the election.

I printed off the map of the USA and Baby Girl was penciling in each state that was won by each candidate and how many electoral votes each of those states had.

Then she was keeping a running total on the back.

Well Baby Girl did not last past 10 pm but the fact that she was so interested and was commenting on what states Obama really needed to win was more than amazing to me!

I mean it took me thirty plus years to get so involved and still I don't think that I am as involved as maybe I should be.

But what really hit me the most last night was when Baby Girl and I were watching a live speech by Martin Luther King Jr's son.

Momma: Baby Girl, do you know who is speaking?

Baby Girl: No Momma who?

Momma: That is Martin Luther King Jr's son.

Baby Girl: You mean the man with a dream that I have read about in books?

Momma: Yes Baby that man.

Baby Girl: Oh Momma!

And at that point she put her hands to her chest and sit down to listen with sadness for the loss of his father and joy for the opportunity to hear him speak.

When he was done she clapped and said to me:

Baby Girl: Clap Momma Clap

However you voted and whoever you wanted to be in office we all must be proud that our country has opened it eyes and it hearts and its minds to what they believe is right regardless of the color of the skin that those words are coming from.

I am thankful that I was able to see this new beginning and I more than thankful that my children are able to experience this history in the making.

Happy New Beginning Wednesday!

ELECTION!!

2008-11-04T17:48:00.002-06:00

I was so worked up about voting this morning that I could not even sit down and write a post.

Now Baby Girl and I are going to watch how each state does and she will document it on the map that I printed off for her from abcteach.com!

If you haven't voted yet well then what are you waiting for, get up and hurry and get to the polls!

Happy Voting!

It's Over???

2008-11-03T05:28:00.003-06:00

Well I can't believe that Halloween came and went already!

Every year we have a pumpkin carving contest within our family.........not this year!!!

I bought everyone a pumpkin and before you knew it it was Halloween and no time to carve so we carved one yesterday just so we could have some pumpkin seeds so I think we are just going to carve one each time we run out of seeds and I am going to try cooking them different ways.

Maybe it was having three sick people in the house one each week for the last several weeks!

Maybe that is why Halloween did a Jason and crept up on me, or maybe and more likely I am loosing my head!

I keep telling myself that I am not able to get things done like I used to and I cant figure it out!

I know I dont have the energy that I used to but that is thanks to extra baggage that I am carrying.

Then Baby Girl figured it out for me this weekend in front of a row full of Momma's at Not The Babies soccer game........

Baby Girl: All you do Momma is sit on the computer, all day long sitting on the puter!

Momma: Oh Baby Girl, aren't you cute! (zip your lips you little toe head!) That is not all I do honey!

Baby Girl: Uh huh!

Momma: Well then who cooks for you and who washes you clothes and who takes you to your soccer games and who helps put a roof over your head and who sees that you are properly dressed for the weather and who who who........

Baby Girl: OK Already!

Momma: That's what I thought! Now don't go pickin a fight with this soccer Momma again!

Don't this child know that Momma's Always Win!

(Sad part is she did make me think though, before I started writing this blog I used to get up at 5 am to do laundry and clean up the house before going to work and now I get up early to write this thing! I think I better go do some laundry)

Happy Post Halloween Monday!

Thanks To Everyone!

2008-10-31T06:19:00.003-05:00

Well all the prayers worked because Baby Girl is up in my face as I write and has been awake for some time!

She is invading my quiet time!!!!!!!!!

She said "Do I need to spell it out for you Momma?"

"I am not sick anymore!"

I told Baby Girl then let me see you eat something!

So she is sitting here in her High School Musical shirt and her panties (by the way I hate that she is reading this right now as I write because she is fighting me about writing that she sleeps with no pants!) eating an apple.

She has deleted it several times but them decided if I would let her have a Popsicle then she would let me write about her pantie bottom only sleeping!

Any how I think that we are off to school today, off to a field trip, and off to collect as much candy as our little legs will allow us to this evening!

I hope that the goblins don't eat you tonight and that you are able to fill your bags full of wholesome sugary goodness!

I really hope Baby Girl gets some of those Mary Jane sticky gooey candy......they are my favorite!

What is your favorite Halloween treat?

Vomit, Vomit Everywhere!

2008-10-30T07:35:00.002-05:00

I swear it feels like I have called into work every week!

And only one of those were for a mental health day!

I hate having to call in for real illnesses but Baby Girl can not stop vomiting, that poor baby has thrown up five times already through the night.

No fever just up chuck!

So another day of no work and another day of no posting.

Yesterday I did not have a moment to spare to write as I was making two pumpkin cheesecakes and trying to finsih decorating my pumpkin shirt for our classroom pumpkinpatch field trip.

But that was yesterday's fun. Today I get to wash all the vomit blankets, Baby Girl finally soiled our last big blanket last night so Not The Baby and I were left with having to dress for the winter just so we would not freeze in bed.

I know you must be asking yourself why did she just not turn on the heater!

Well because I am cheap and I refuse to turn it on for a while, plus I try to beat out everyone else on turning theirs on to see if I can save more money than them!

I know STUPID!

But thrifty......

Happy Thursday I hope that your day is Vomit Free and when you get a moment say a little prayer for my Baby Girl!

What Do You Make Of Your Dreams?

2008-10-28T06:03:00.003-05:00

This morning I OVER SLEPT, which stresses me when I do that .

I do blame Papa though since I was awake at 4am having an argument with him before he left for work.

I did not choose to start it mind you, I was sleeping quite nicely.

So after that moment of nightmare I feel into a deep sleep of dreaming.

I was dreaming that the girls were going to be late for school and I was contemplating whether or not to just call into work because we had a disaster happen at our house.

My bedroom ceiling came crashing down, the whole ceiling!

There was a mess everywhere and I could not possibly leave that mess but I had called in once a week already for illnesses and other family affairs and I did not want people to think that I was just calling in because I did not want to work.

I was crying not knowing what to do!

So I decided to go to work and Mrs. F was having a party with the kids and their parents and did not say a word to me about it. I was mad at her for not telling me. And then wait there was this great looking English accent speaking man in our room helping out with the party.

Well hello Mr. Lovely how are you today!

Scratch............bang.........scratch.....bang........

What the heck is that Mr. Lushish Lips?

scratch....bang........scratch.......bang..........

Wait where are you going sweet thing?

scratch........bang........scratch........bang

Oh Mr. Sweet Talker your breath reminds me of something......

scratch....bang.....scratch.....bang.........

Oh Mr. Take Me In Your Arms, your hair reminds me of someone I once cared for.

scratch....bang......scratch.....bang........

Oh Mr. Body From Heaven Above I'm not much into licking each other but if you want to then call me your....slurp........UUUGGGHHH.......Cough........choke........Hair Ball..........

Rex!!!!!!!!!

Did you have to wake me up THIS morning???

Now you don't really think that I licked Rex?

Do You?

Wait a minute don't answer that!

I was not that deep into sleep!

I Think It's All In The Music!

2008-10-27T05:25:00.004-05:00

Well I cant believe I am typing on my beloved PC.

Yesterday as I was cleaning up after dinner I notice the Baby Girls ipod changed the screen (and it was plugged into the computer) so I thought what the heck, I will try for the 100th time to start the computer again.

And guess, what it started!

All of the kids are scared to touch it, heck I am scared to touch it.

But I am so proud of myself because I did not freak out!

Normally something like this would throw me into a frenzy!

Because that would mean $$$ and what if they could not fix it and then that would mean more $$$$.

But not me, I didn't have a freak out moment and so I am just so proud of myself.

Probably because I have had so many of those moments when I really did need to freak out.

I do think that i tunes is out to get me though, I mean why is it so touchy?

Do I not tell it how much I love it enough.

I mean who could not love something that will give you any song in the world that you want in a matter of seconds for you to dance and sing badly to as often as you want.

I think I will sing I will sing it a love song and see if will start being nicer to me!

Then again according to Not The Baby maybe I should keep my voice to myself!

Sing your favorite song today LOUD and either badly or good if you like either way SING IT!

Happy Singing Monday!

It Is A Sad Day In My House!

2008-10-26T18:19:00.002-05:00

My beloved computer is not working, it will not even turn on and I am beyond words.

I have nothing to say, I can not imagine life with out my friend the PC.

I will call a doctor tomorrow to see if he can help me!

Please keep me in mind!

Soon To Come.....The Tale of Tail Sleeping!

2008-10-25T11:28:00.001-05:00

Now The Truth Comes Out!

2008-10-24T06:54:00.004-05:00

Now that Baby Boy is 20 and in college for some reason he feels like he should confess all those things that he did in high school to me (Like I want to know).

Now before I go on I remember Baby Boy getting into some trouble with a assistant principal one time for having a argument with another student.

I told that principal that I wish that I could be a fly on the wall so that I could see everything thing that my children do.

His response was: "No you don't"

At the time I thought what a bold A-hole he is!

But now I know what he is talking about and No I do not want to be a fly on any wall much less my own flesh and bloods wall!

Those of you who's kids are still young may still wish to be a fly but trust me later on you will see that being a fly would be no fun.

Kids are going to do and say things that they don't really want to do or say when their peers are around.

I will tell you this though Baby Boy made me a lot smarter and more skeptical.

Am I a master ?

Oh I would like to think that I would be a master at this parenting stuff by the time that Baby Girl hits the streets as a teen humanoid but shoot who am I foolin?

Each child is full of their own little tricks and treats so I will have to continue to take each day like a ninja waiting for her next battle.

Armed and Ready this Momma is! (I think)

Would you like to hear a story that Baby Boy chose to share with me?

"In his last year of high school Baby Boy and he best friend (whom I love dearly but since have learned that he was not the best of influences but still I love him) were driving around the mall when all of a sudden Baby Boy spotted his sister in a truck with a BOY!

(Ok I can tell you that two years ago Baby Girl was not allowed in any ones truck much less a boy's)

So Baby Boy slammed on the brakes and threw the big caddy in park. Walked over to the driver and ever so gently pulled the male truck driver out of his fuel suckin four wheel drive. Then his best friend came over to his assistance. And then................

That is where I asked him to end his story!

We had dear Miss S. with us and we were at a restaurant and I frankly did not want him to continue right then and there.

Oh the crazy stuff that happens in this house!

And just think Baby Boy is going to move back home and go to a school locally for a whole semester before transferring to a four year mega bucks school!!

Please just say a prayer every time you see me or think of me, because trust me I will need it.

Happy Ninja Friday!!!!

Our Bathroom Is A Confessional

2008-10-23T06:21:00.005-05:00

When you live in a small house occupied by six people and one bathroom there really is no privacy, anywhere!

Which is fine with me because I have this little issue of not being able to shut the bathroom door.

Part of it is simply what if someone else needs something, what if you are not using the toilet and someone else needs to go really bad.

I think it is rude to lock the door while you are in the shower at our house because you never know when someone else is going to have to GO!

But not only that but all of my kids find that when Momma is in the bathroom that it would be the perfect time to have a conversation with me.

Probably because they know that is the one place that I can not get occupied with any distractions and can give them my full attention.

I can be in the bath and any of them at any given time will walk in and tell me their problems or something funny that happened.

I guess it is kind of my fault since we are not very shy.

I frequently walk around the house getting dressed, just ask Picture Momma (she happened to show up in my living room when I was walking in with no pants on!)

There is no question about the size of my a** in my house we all know it!

Anyway I am getting lost here in the moon.

I really wish I could video Baby Girl when she is in the bathroom taking a bath simply because she really gets with her stories when she is taking a bath.

They go something like this:

Baby Girl: Momma did you know that is boy was chasing me on the playground yesterday?

Momma: Really?.....Did you know that if you don't run they cant chase?

Baby Girl: Momma! Just listen!

Momma: Sorry

Baby Girl: See Momma there is this fourth grader who likes me...

Momma: What! What kind of fourth grader likes a second grader, stay away from the cradle robber!

Baby Girl: What?

Momma: Oh nothing, just stay away from him!

Baby Girl: Well he likes to chase me so when I get tired of these boys chasing me I just go and stand by my teacher, then I look at them and say "Uhh Huhh, now what are you going to do there big boy, I am safe by the teacher, what you goin to do now!"

Momma: Smart, Baby Girl

Baby Girl: I told those boys they better pick on somebody their own size!

Momma: Baby Girl have I told you how much I love you?

Baby Girl: Yes Momma only about a million times!

Momma: Promise me you will always be YOU!

Baby Girl: Well what else could I be?

Momma: Oh you will find out later in life honey how hard it is just to be YOU!

Happy Be Yourself Thursday!

Under The Weather!

2008-10-22T07:01:00.002-05:00

As it is storming outside Not The Baby is feeling very sick!

So I am going to try to get her to the doctor today if they will see us.

Please say a little prayer for her.

She has been up throwing up all night!

I hate it when the kids are sick!!!!

I Have Been Working On This For Days...

2008-10-21T06:46:00.007-05:00

Instead of writing this morning I am trying to finish the new Indiana Jones movie that I have had from Redbox for a week!

I am so terrible about not being able to sit still for a whole movie.

So since I am trying to finish it I thought I would share a couple of picture with you that I took this last weekend

Baby Girl was not open to listening to Baby Boy about having a better attitude.

Tell Her Baby Boy!

Happy Tuesday all!

Oh My Gosh She Is Home!

2008-10-20T06:24:00.007-05:00

Finally a day off for Brat Baby!

So all the girls, myself and Rex went for a walk downtown.

I love it when all the girls get together, I hope that we are able to do this when they are grown and out on their own.

I am so glad that Brat Baby is wanting to stay close for college then that gives me a little while longer with her!

I know I have an illness but hey I have had a very rough weekend so be nice and don't tell me about myself.

You can see how windy it was between the buildings!

Have a great Monday everyone.

Who Are You?

2008-10-19T07:57:00.007-05:00

I told you how Thursday night Baby Boy ended up in the ER with abdominal pain and was miss led on what his problem was and then I got a phone call Friday morning and he was at the hospital again so I went and picked him up and brought him home so that he can try to pass this kidney stone, which by the way he has not passed yet!

When we got to the hospital I was walking up to the ER and Baby Boy was just walking out.

I went to him as quickly as I could but the closer I got to him the more that I was convinced that it was not my Baby Boy.

This child had something wrong with him:

Are you seeing what I am seeing?

The nails!

This must obviously be a girl!

It has black nail polish on.

But why would Baby Girl be taking nail polish remover to this stranger and in our in home!

That's because those painted black nails belonged to none other than my Baby Boy!

Apparently a couple of girl friends of his thought it would be funny for them to paint his nails and go up to the local crap-mart and play Rock Band II kind of as a joke for those teens that are there playing as if they have really hit the mother load and are currently on tour.

The bad part is that he had to go to the hospital with that stuff on and he said he was so embarrassed.

I took it as a challenge for myself.

I told myself a long time ago that if any of my kids turned out to love the same sex that I would deal with it and except it and love them all the same. Even though I know he loves, loves, loves the girls!

But Oh my Gosh, I could not handle the nail polish, I mean I could not look him in the face with out saying.......GET IT OFF!

So as soon as we got home I told him where the nail polish remover was and well he was not moving fast enough so Baby Girl took it off for him.

Isn't it funny what little things bother us, I mean he has two earrings and that does not bother me.

You know that having two earrings is in now for boys but not when I was a teenager, if you wore two.....well you were swinging for the other team.

But hey what do I know .

I am just an old lady.

Have a great Sunday!

Sometimes Life Throws Some Stones In Your Path And Then Sometimes Life Throws Some Stones Inside Ya!

2008-10-17T13:20:00.006-05:00

Last Night I got a call from Baby Boy that he was a little swollen down in his private area and he wanted to know if we could afford for him to go to the doctor.

I told him that we have reached the 100% mark on insurance this year and so if he has a pimple on his a** to go to the doctor.

So Baby Boy went to the ER and they told him he might have a bladder infection and gave him a shot and some medication.

I said "What do they mean you might?"

They should be able to tell if you have one.

Any how he went back to his dorm to sleep it off.

Then the phone rang around 7am and it was a nurse at the emergency room and told me they had my Baby Boy.

Again!

Well apparently they discovered the he has a kidney stone.

So I woke up all the girls and dressed and headed for the 45 minute drive.

I am currently nursing my Baby Boy and hoping that the stone passes soon and with out a lot of problems.

So if you have a free moment say a little prayer that everything moves quickly through the passages of Baby Boy.........Yuck I hate this kind of stuff!

Ain't They Cute!

2008-10-16T07:48:00.004-05:00

I am feeling very Martha this break.

Well not as Martha as I used to feel but still a little Martha.

Yesterday Baby Girl spent the whole afternoon and evening with friends and Brat Baby was working her tail off again earning lots of new clothing!

That left Not The Baby and I all alone together, which now that I think about it does not happen very often and she and I needed that.

We went shopping (not the fun kind like for clothes or anything like that) for groceries and coupon shopping which I am so glad that the kids normally support my coupon shopping and don't complain much or get embarrassed if some stupid idiot turns down my Internet printed coupon only because they are a moron and have not heard of the computer before........ Sorry I had two bad coupon experiences yesterday.

We also went to Hobby Lobby to get some stuff that I have been waiting for them to put out a 40% off coupon so I could get it cheaper.

They only let you use one coupon per customer per day. So I had Not The Baby use one too.

Here is what we made with our 40% off stuff:

These are hair clips made with fabric and buttons. Not The Baby and I had fun making these and the other girls were mad that we did them without them.

We will be making more of these and you can bet that all their little friends will be getting these for Christmas!

Have a great Thursday and let me know if you get a little Martha feeling and tackle something that maybe we would like to try also.

If you want to know how we made these I would be happy to let you know.

Can I Get An Amen!

2008-10-15T08:18:00.002-05:00

I am on Break!

Hey guess what?

I am on break!

Oh did I tell you?

I am on Break!

FALL BREAK that is!

So I kind of forgot that I usually get up and write a blog before getting ready for work.

Man I love my job!

Now do I love the fact that it takes me a whole month to earn what Papa earns in one week?

Heck No!

But guess what?

Papa does not get fall break , thanksgiving break, Christmas break, spring break or out of work when the snow has covered the roads.

Nor does Papa get eight sick days a year or a Personal day, heck Papa does not even get the holidays off.

So I just want to let everyone know that I LOVE MY LOW PAYING JOB!

Hey and I bet the average person does not get told every single day at work that their hair looks nice, their shirt is pretty and heck I have even been told I smell good.

Top that with your high payin job (ok maybe not high paying but higher than mine) Papa!

I Messed Up!

2008-10-14T17:44:00.002-05:00

So I chose to say some things today that were not necessary and I did not keep to my word of "If I have nothing nice to say then I will say nothing at all."

So I am going to try again tomorrow!

Better luck next time!

Try and Try again!

If first you don't succeed then try try again!

Never give up!

Got any other words of encouragement for me?

I Must Not Speak!

2008-10-14T06:17:00.003-05:00

I know today I promised to speak kind words about Brat Baby since she thinks that I don't talk enough about her.

Then yesterday when she left for school she was rude!

When I got home she was rude!

When I picked her up from work she was rude!

I love my Brat Baby but I think it is a good time to go by what my mother always told me, "If you don's have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all."

So mum is the word of the day for me.

I will pratice it anytime a rude thought comes to my mind at work as well.

Heck I will even keep all my rude thoughts about Papa in my head too.

No ugly stuff from me today only pleasentness.

May The Force be with me today. (I wish Luke Skywalker could come and help me with this, was he not the cutest thing back in the day?)

I'm In Big Big Trouble!

2008-10-13T05:44:00.004-05:00

Yesterday the girls and I drove an hour for Not The Babies soccer game. (which she happened to kick butt at!)

While we were leaving the girls spotted this young man mowing a yard, he had his shirt off and shorts on.

The girls right away noticed that this poor boy was way too skinny.

I explained that some people just cant gain weight (the butt heads...that includes you P.M.)

Then Baby Girl chimes in:

Baby Girl: I am glad that I am a little chunky!

we all giggle

Baby Girl: The boys obviously like it too!

Ok Not Funny.

Baby Girl you may not leave the house until you have graduated from online University and have been working from our home earning you first $100,000 or better before I let you out!

I swear I don't know why I deserve this, my mother said I was a bad baby but have I not paid my dues!

Next time you are at church and they ask if anyone has any prayer request, go ahead and say my name.

*Please not that after Brat Baby read this blog she was angry at me for not mentioning that she had commented that she wanted to put Baby Girl in the dungeon. And that I don't talk enough about her. So my next blog will be all about Brat Baby.......sometimes I feel bad about calling her Brat Baby and then again sometimes I don't.

And She Said She Didnt Want To Go!

2008-10-12T08:53:00.008-05:00

Yesterday Baby Girl and I were all alone for the whole day since Brat Baby was working and Not The Baby was staying with her BFF No Sugar For Me Girl.

A local historial site that houses a muesum in it was holding a festival and luckily we were done with soccer for the afternoon. Baby Girl's reaction to me taking her to it was "How boring, I dont want to go!"

I told her to zip it and she was going and she was going to like it!

The theme was recycling and we got to see some really cool art work that was all made with recyclable material.

There were so many fun crafts for the kids to do as well like this one:

This was a canvas that was like a paint by number only you chewed a piece of gum color of your choice and then placed it on that number on the canvas..Sounds gross I know but it really was fun.

My gum had little pieces of free popcorn kernals in it, now that is gross!

Then there was this lady that was trying to do who knows what to my Baby:

Get off my Baby you sorry lady you!

Oh Ok, well still it looks like she was putting a death grip on your poor little head.

All and all we had the best time ever and I wish we could have stayed longer but we went and had lunch with Brat Baby and then had shopping to do and more soccer!

Baby Girl's reaction to the festival was:

I Know It's Saturday!

2008-10-11T06:37:00.003-05:00

I normally write nothing on the weekends because I am just too busy with the kids to even think about writing but Brat Baby has to be at work before 8am so I thought I better get up and have coffee before going behind the wheel.

Plus Baby Girl lost a tooth yesterday and well the Tooth Fairy had to respond to a note she left. I just wanted to make sure that she visited and did not disappoint my little toothless toe head.

More to come on Tooth Fairy notes...........

I hope you have a great Saturday!

I'm going to watch some SOCCER....

I think I will learn a new song to sing to my soccer players like they do over in England.

Here goes:

Good old Arsenal,Good old Arsenal,we're proud to say that name.And while we sing this song,we'll win the game.Who's that team they call the Arsenal?Who's that team we all adore?They're the boys in red and white,And where f***ing dynomite,'cos Georgy Grahams mother is awhooore,yeah she's a whore, yeah shes awhoooreChim-Chimeny Chim-ChimenyChim-Chim-Chero Who Needs Anelka When We Got KanuVieira wo o e o, Vieira wo o eo,he comes from Senengal,he plays for Arsenal,Vieira wo o e o, VieiraHe's blond, Hes quickHis names a porno flick,emmanuel, emmanuel

I am telling the truth this came from a soccer website.

I was thinking that I could change the team name and throw in a few kids names in stead of Arsenal's teammates.

Do you think that I would get thrown out of the park?

I think I might too.

That is what is wrong with America.

No passion!

Here is my ideal vacation in case you wanted to know:

Go to England to see the Arsenal team play and sing this song while I chug down a few.
(well it cant be beer because I just don't like the taste of that stuff.....do you think they have Coke Zero over there?)

Anyway have a great Saturday and let me know if you come up with a good soccer song, I need one.

True Love At It's Best......

2008-10-10T06:19:00.005-05:00

Just the other day Baby Girl came home with a note, not just any kind of note though.

This was of a love kind.

Now before I let you in on all the juicy details of this love note I must give you some back ground of Baby Girl and her mesmerizing ability.

Since Baby Girl started pre-k she had all the boys in love with her as a matter of fact her teacher said that she had seen nothing like it before.

Baby Girl has this way of making every boy she meets fall in love with her.

I swear I am not making this up.

For instance she frequently comes home with gifts:

flowers

(and fresh ones at that)

jewelry

jewel stones

stuffed animals

You name it she has been given it.

So when she came home with this note, it was no surprise to me.

Now of course I have covered the names on this note to save both parties the embarrassment.

And I am sure that you will keep this just between you and me that I posted this on my blog right?

Otherwise my life could be in danger, I mean Baby Girl is getting bigger and she may just try to take me out.

The last time I wrote something that she did not approve of......well lets just say that I had a lot of explaining to do and I am way to tired to try to explain to her how she will think this is cute one day.

So here goes:

I know it is hard to read and I cant seem to get it to adjust any so I will tell you what it says myself:

Dear Baby Girl,

You are the cuttest girl i have ever met in the world and i like your white dress that you were to bing third saturday night and are super beautiful.

From,
Boy in love

The dress that he is talking about will soon be posted on my blog, it is a dress that should only be wore to something like a royal ball or a wedding that she is in or oh I don't know a inauguration of herself as the new president.

But guess where we had the first chance to wear it to was a smoke filled bingo hall for a school fundraiser, man did we stick out like a sore thumb.

But Baby Girl pranced around like she was in dress heaven.

Man am I ever in trouble!

The sad thing for me though is that Not The Baby has the same effect on boys!!

More Medication Please!

2008-10-09T06:28:00.002-05:00

I have told you all about Not The Baby and her many fears, but I don't think that I have told you about Not The Baby and her hyperness.

It is really starting to concern me.

When she was a just a little toddler she would get really hyper when she was sleepy, oh my gosh was she ever funny.

Now however Not The Baby seems to be the class clown, the dog riding in the car with her head stuck out the window, the kid with ants in his pants, and the smart ass that has a come back for EVERYTHING. (that she got from her father, but I am afraid she is even better at it than he was)

Yesterday we were driving around town running a few errands when she randomly starts making comments to people we were passing or people we were next to while stopped at a traffic light.

Like this one:

Not The Baby: Sweeeet Car

Brat Baby: Oooo I don't like it.

Not The Baby: What ! Sweeeet Car.

(Next to us at a traffic light is a lady in a really sweet little sports car, thankfully her window is rolled up, even though if I had a sweet car like hers I would let the wind blow through my hair and think that I was hot stuff, not her though she looked a little stuffy)

Not The Baby: I MEAN REALLY SWEET CAR!!!!!!

(ok at this point she is getting a little loud and the upper part of her body is starting to hang from the window, damn what is taking these light so long to change)

Just when I thought that maybe the lady might be listening to some really cool music in there and not be able to hear my seriously obnoxious child she turns to look at us. Not The Baby then of course feels the need to give her a thumbs up, air high five , a peace sign and what ever else she can manage for the lady to see before we race off the other direction.

I should have know that Miss Stuffy pants would not be listening to some cool loud music while sitting in her cool red sports car.

Next time lady you should just crank it up!

Now all the way down the road Not The Baby is finding a reason to speak to each and every human being that we pass.

I however attempt to put the shut your mouth death grip on her knee.

But since she is my child and we do not give up easily she only seemed to get louder.

This is the way my whole evening out went.

The maddening thing about it is that most of time I cant get onto her because she is cracking me up!

I have always wanted to invent shock collars for kids, anyone like to help out an entrepreneur?

Have I Told You How Much I Love You?

2008-10-07T12:03:00.003-05:00

When I was a little girl I would not say shit if I had mouth full.

My father was the type that you did not speak back to , which I have no problem with but he was also the type of man that you did not give your opinion to and you can guarantee that my opinion was never asked for.

My mother was one that when you felt really brave you might tell her what you think but only with one eye open and never looking at her with the opened eye.

No they were not abusive, but they were stern.

My way of getting mad and throwing a fit would mean that I would just stop talking. I mean seriously not speak at all, not even to myself in my own room with closed doors.

After getting married, I tried the whole throwing a silent fit any time that I got mad at Papa but he didn't seem to care that I would stop talking to him for days. As a matter of fact he seemed to enjoy it. Then I quickly learned that Papa loved it when I stopped talking to him, I mean it was like he had died and gone to man heaven.

So slowly year after year I would express myself, learning how to manage my words in a way that may throw him for a loop or two.

Now I like to think that I am able to knock him of his feet with my way of words.

That is if I can get past the anger first and make the sailor in me take a step back and really tell someone what I am feeling other than let my tongue roll like a kid on roller coaster.

The fact is that I can now talk a persons ear off.

Could it be all those years that I held it in, only keeping my thoughts to myself that suddenly I am compelled to give my thoughts on almost anything and everything.

When I am at work I almost fear walking down the hall because I know if I see someone I must ask them how they are doing and really have a meaningful conversation with them even if I am really in a hurry to get back to the classroom.

I do want to know how they are doing.

Really I do.

If they need someone to talk to, I want to listen to what they have to say.

Really I do.

In return for all my listening and talking I have met some really wonderful people that I call my friends.

And today I had a conversation with someone that I have called my friend for many years.

This friend makes me take a look at myself and asks me really what is it that I want out of this life.

This friend re-energizes me to thinking that I can keep up the fight of life and all its knocks and bumps and come out stronger and more powerful than before.

All the while he is listening to my woes I know he has many other things that he needs to tend to but he listens to each every word that I say.

Who doesn't need a friend like this.

I am blessed with friends whom I know will and have come to my aide when ever I need them.
(You know who you are....Picture Momma)

I just want those people to know how much I love them and how I feel so blessed that they are a part of my life, whether or not we keep in touch once a week or once a year.

My children are the backbone of my strength but filling up all those other spots that I may be week in are my friends, my amigo's, my amico, my péngyou, my ven, my ami.

Regardless of how your language pronounces friend the meaning is the same across the world.

I hope that each of you have a friend that you cherish.

Weekend Wrap Up

2008-10-06T06:15:00.003-05:00

Another weekend has come and gone.

I swear that Mother Time must push that clock faster on the weekend because they go by way too fast.

This weekend I was able to watch my kids play four soccer games, make money off of Walgreen's, not do much cooking (other than those yummy homemade waffles), have yet another conversation with Baby Boy about life, make a pretty flower bouquet from my overgrown used to be vegetable garden turned all flower garden, listen to the kids grip about how hot they think the house is and why am I not turning on the ac, watch a local football team get creamed again, run Brat Baby back and fourth to work, wash 50 loads of laundry (alright maybe not 50), and well I am sure I am missing something!

Oh and help Baby Girl build a fairy house!

Pictures of the fairy house are soon to come.

How was your weekend?

Can you top my fairy house construction?

I am hoping that the money fairy will visit, or the medication fairy bringing me sanity medicine.

Help Me I Am Too Tired

2008-10-03T06:41:00.002-05:00

I am used to going all the time.

When Baby Boy was younger he played every sport that he could play at one time so I am really used to going.

But lately I am about to be beat in this crazy running game.

I don't know what is wrong with me I mean I used to drive 2 hours just to get Baby Boy to and from his soccer team.

But I am having to stay up after my bed time (8:30-9:30pm) to pick up Brat Baby at her job.

Which is putting me home any where from 10:20-10:30 on a school night and I am not handling it well.

First of all I think I need several more hours in the day so that I can get everything done that I need done.

So I used to wake up at 5am but not it has been 5:30 and now this morning I could not get myself out of bed until 6:20!!!!

If I was a drug kind of woman I would be getting me something, but since I am not I have got to find a way to catch up.

Man a mental health day away from work sounds good, but I love my job so I would feel bad about taking it.

Plus it's Friday so I am going to tell myself to SUCK IT UP!

Sorry about the boring post but my brain could not get past the fact that it is tired.

I guess I was looking for sympathy, Lord knows I don't get it here at home!

I hope your Friday is fully rested and wide awake.

Is That Child Appropriate?

2008-10-02T06:28:00.004-05:00

This summer my friend Heather got me hooked on Mamma Mia.

A group of us went to the movies to see it and I thought it was great.

I love musicals.

I love to sing. (no I have no voice at all)

I love every kind of music!

When the Hairspray play came to town I have an awesome friend who got my girls and I tickets for it!

You rock Morris!

We are nuts about musicals.

So on Sunday Heather invited a bunch of ladies to go to the $2 theater with their daughters and watch Mamma Mia.

I took Not The Baby and Baby Girl. (Brat Baby was working)

Now this was this last weekend when Baby Boy was home.

So I invited him to come also but he had several papers for college to write so he chose to stay home and do those.

Good Idea!

But as we are getting ready he says to me:

Baby Boy: Are you really taking Baby Girl to see a movie about a tramp who does not know which of three men is the father of her daughter?

Momma: Huh? (me playing dumb)

Baby Boy: I mean what kind of message is that Momma?

Momma: She got luckier than me??? (me playing a smart ass Baby Boy)

Baby Boy: Momma I am serious!

Momma: Ok, I was joking. She obviously is a tramp. But we are going for the music.

Baby Boy: You would have never let me see anything like that, and I will not let me girls when I have them ever see anything like that.

Momma: Yes sweetheart, I understand where you are coming from but have you ever heard how addicting these songs are?

Baby Boy: Momma, I don't know what I am going to do with you!

Momma: Just love me babe and remember that I love you too.

Now can you see what I was talking about.

I told you that I raised him with the mind set of June Cleaver and this is living proof.

And remember I told you that I am more like the Hippie Momma now, or at least I think I am.

Well last night as Baby Girl was taking a bath she sang me a song that she wrote and when she ended the song she crossed her arms over her chest and put up her two first fingers on each hand up and said:

PEACE!

So on this Thursday I say to you as the June want a be Momma "Have the most delightful day!"

Whatever!

PEACE MAN!

Would You Like Cheese With That?

2008-10-01T05:49:00.003-05:00

The other night when the Babies and I were out to eat this story that makes you laugh and cringe happened to come up.

Ten years ago when Not The Baby was just a toddler we went to sonic for a quick lunch.

I ordered a corn dog.

We were sitting in the car eating our fried goodness (that makes you fell sick when you are done eating it) when Not The Baby says to me : "Oh does that have cheese in it?"

Momma: What?

I look down at my corn dog and there is this long stand of what looks like cheese but it is rather a strand of SLOBBER!

Momma: Oh my no it is slobber.

Not The Baby comes unglued and still to this day ten years later if anyone asks if it has cheese in it she feels compelled to bring this embarrassing story to surface.

I guess I have over active salivary glands?

Funny how MY stupid stories never seem to get old to these people I live with!

Not The Baby With Her Honesty

2008-09-30T05:04:00.011-05:00

If anyone is honest in my house it is Not The Baby.

Not The Baby is capable of giving the truth without making anyone angry. (most of the time)

On Saturday when I was having a great time with the kids we visited my favorite fast food place to eat, Chick fil a.

While we were eating Baby Boy and Baby Girl were arguing, which I must admit happens a lot. And would you believe that Baby Boy starts most of the arguments. Then Baby Girl being a child of mine feels like she must win every argument.

Baby Boy feels like I am not raising Baby Girl the same way that I chose to raise him.

I knew this day would come but I really expected it later on in life though.

Baby Boy says that I am way too easy on Baby Girl.

Baby Boy says that I am willing to let Baby Girl get away with a lot more than I let him get away with.

(secretly I am going to tell you that I do let her get away with more, but not things that are bad behavior, or at least I don't think I am. Just with things like sports and the way that she dresses and stuff like that)

When I had Baby Boy I did everything by the book.

If his pacifier fell on the floor it required a sterilizing.

If Baby Boy wanted to eat a piece of candy then it required a teeth brushing immediately following the eating of candy.

Baby Boy was required a full balanced meal at every meal.

Baby Boy was required to follow every safety measure.

If Momma felt like it was not safe than Baby Boy was not allowed to do it, and you would be surprised at how many un-safe things there are in this world.

Baby Boy was required to be clean at all times (this part I was given a very hard time by my family).

Baby Boy had to look good all the time!

Things do change in time.

I had two other children (Brat Baby and Not The Baby).

Then 13 years later I gave birth to Baby Girl.

I decided to nurse Baby Girl, which is something that I did not do with my other kids. Not because I love Baby Girl more but that I came to a point in my life when I did not fear nursing.

Baby Boy has said to me at least 100 times that he did not get the teat.

Yes you heard me right, Baby Boy was jealous that he did not get breast feed. He feels like that somehow is saying that I wanted to give the best to Baby Girl and not to him or the other children.

I tried explaining to him that as you get older you get smarter (well hopefully, ok not always) and being a parent is a learning experience. "If had it to do all over again I would have teat fed all of you if I knew better!"

If Baby Girl wants to wear her cheetah bikini everyday during the summer than I let her!
(yes even to "I don't know if we have it -Mart")

If she wanted to jump off a six foot diving board then I encouraged her, and encouraged her to do it quickly before she had time to get scared. (without floaties)

That may be why she is my best swimmer, you think?

When Baby Boy was in the first grade his teacher wanted to meet with me. She told me that she was concerned with Baby Boy, she said" Baby Boy thinks that there are perfect people in this world and that he intends to be one of them."

OOPPS

Maybe I am responsible for that.

Of course my reply to the teacher was "Oh what a silly thing to say, I am not sure where he got that."

Now I never told Baby Boy word for word that there are perfect people in this world and that he needed to be one of them but I did show him that his world needed to be perfect.

When Baby Boy was home this weekend he came to watch Baby Girl play soccer and he made the comment "Baby Girl can get away with playing lazy!"
I said "What are you talking about?"

Baby Boy said that when he was playing soccer and other sports (He played EVERYTHING) that we (Papa and I) did not let him get away with playing anything but his best.

Actually his words were: "Papa used to tell me either play like I know you can or I am taking your butt off the field."

OOPPS I vaguely remember saying that also! (But I still say that to all of my kids, I just try to do it better. Like "Baby Girl, is something wrong?" "If not I need you to try your hardest or maybe if you are too tired or sick then we just need to have you sit out.")

If I could make a comparison about my parenting when Baby Boy was a little tyke to the parenting that I have been practicing with Baby Girl it would be June Cleaver vs. Save The World Hippie Momma.

Oh and Baby Boy was required to get rid of his pacifier and bottle the day he turned 1 (because that is what the books said I should do)

Baby Girl nursed until she was 2 1/2.

I did my research and all studies show that we should breastfeed until two years old.

For benefits like: breastfed babies are 37 per cent less likely to develop type 2 diabetes, they’re 22 per cent less likely to be overweight or obese and breastfeeding also significantly reduces their chances of developing high blood pressure and high cholesterol. In addition, breastfed children also perform significantly better in intelligence tests. For mums, breastfeeding reduces their chances of getting breast and ovarian cancer in the future. And, while they’re still breastfeeding their child, it helps the uterus to contract and so promotes weight loss, using up to 500 calories a day.

This all according to the World Health Organization.

Even though my family started asking me before she was six months old, "When are you going to stop nursing."

Family can really suck sometimes!

So back to the restaurant and Not The Babies truth telling abilities.

We were sitting at the table eating that heavenly chicken (I wish I could make chicken just like that) and Baby Boy and Baby Girl are arguing about something and Not The Baby looks at me and says " Looky, there are your two Babies arguing and your other two kids that you give ugly names to (Brat and Not The Baby) are sitting here like a couples of angels. Looks to me like you named us wrong on your blog Momma."

Damn I hate it when she is right!

I Got To Breathe This Weekend!

2008-09-29T06:43:00.004-05:00

Baby Boy called me Friday night and said that his game was cancelled and that the coach was giving the team the weekend off.

Now I must admit that after the summer from hell with him this last summer that I am sometimes terrified when he comes home for any length of time. Just because I do not need any other stress inflicters in my life.

He does not have a car so I have to pick him up when he wants to come home unless someone from the college is coming this way.

So I said "Well I can come and get you tonight because in the morning Baby Girl has a soccer game."

Baby Boy: "Well I have plans tonight, so can you pick me up before her game in the morning?"

Momma: "Sure even though I almost never get to sleep in but sure."

So I picked him up had a great visit all the way home we had a great soccer game and then Baby Boy, Brat Baby and I all went shopping.

Now that Brat Baby is rolling in the dough with her job she wanted to take her wardrobe challenged Momma out to buy her something new to wear.

Brat Baby bought me two shirts and I love them, she was also nice enough to buy her brother a shirt that he needed for a meeting that he has today.

After all our shopping it was time to head out of town to Not The Babies soccer game. Papa decided to stay home rather than be squished in the car for an hour trip.

I am secretly glad he did (well maybe I am not that secret about it since I have told several people) because it gave me and the kids time to talk and laugh and well laugh some more.

We are the obnoxious family at the restaurant laughing their heads off and everyone is turning around to see what is so funny.

I took Baby Boy back to school last night and chalked this weekend up as a great one.

Oh we had a few arguments in the house but that is a given.

I just love it when we are all together and happy to be that way!

I am happy to say "Happy Monday!"

I hope your weekend brought you sheer joy as mine did.

Ok Maybe One Little Post

2008-09-26T06:35:00.003-05:00

Last night when I went to pick up Brat Baby she said that her throat was hurting.

I told her it is probably all the drainage.

She said what drainage?

I told her I could hear the drainage in the way she was talking and tried to explain to her what happens with that drainage and how it can cause a sore throat.

(I must go back and tell you that earlier that evening she called me from work and told me that she was not feeling well and explained her symptoms. I told her that she will be ok and she chose to abruptly end our conversation on the telephone either that or we were disconnected.)

Now Brat Baby can be a hypochondriac at times. It's not her fault it has been passed down to her from my side of the family. I however did not get that gene passed to me Thank God but it did make its way into Brat Baby.

Not to mention last week Brat Baby told me that she did not feel good and I let her stay home from school and when I get home from work she is feeling just fine.

Oh Not The Baby and Baby Girl did that to me the week before.

So I told all the girls that you must be vomiting or have fever before you can stay at home again.

Then Brat Baby tells me this morning, "Not that I am trying to stay home or anything (I think to myself, yeah whatever) but I want you to know I had a fever last night."

"Really" I said "Did you take it with the Thermometer?"

"Yes" she said.

"What was the temperature then" I ask her.

"98.2" Brat Baby replies.

"Sweetie that is not a fever" I tell her.

"yes it is" Brat Baby tells me.

"Well ok lets say it is even though it is not."

"You better get ready for school!"

Prayers Going Up All Over The Place!

2008-09-26T06:21:00.002-05:00

Please take a moment to say a little prayer for a baby just born and one that left this world.

Happy Thursday!

2008-09-25T06:12:00.003-05:00

Today I am going to be all alone at school so I am going to hold out on writing a post since I need to get to work early and I was out late last night (well later than I am used to) watching Baby Boy play soccer.

It was good to see him.

Oh and we have two more kittens........UGH UGH UGH

We will be giving them away as soon as they get old enough and the hoochy momma cat will be visiting a vet to solve her baby producing issues.

I hope you have a great Thursday!

Sound Off Wednesday!

2008-09-24T06:37:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I took the girls and No Sugar For Me Girl to my favorite fast food Mexican restaurant since we were short on time and had practices and birthday parties to go to.

I was third in line to place an order and the gentlemen that was currently placing an order was an elderly man. The patient and soft spoken teenager that was taking his order told him how much his order came to.

However the elderly man was hard of hearing.

The teenager kept repeating the amount that the man needed to pay but in a voice that even I could barely hear.

The gentlemen was not understanding him, but then he started digging in his wad of cash and pulled out a bill and I thought he then understood.

All the while this teenage little smart ass girl was snickering at the elderly mans confusion.

In my mind I am getting angry and thinking what should I do.

I think the elderly man almost has it and I don't want to embarrass him by helping him if he understands now and I want to say something to this little blonde hair twig also.

I tell myself "Momma you do not have to react to everything you see, sometimes you should do nothing and say nothing."

I tell myself "I know that but what if it was someone that I loved, what if that is me one day or my children. "

Finally they hand the man his food and he then is not sure whether or not he has paid, even though he just did that.

At that moment, my heart cried and the shit in front of me snickered again.

As the man walked by me to carry his food out the door I wanted to hug him, I wanted to cry.

Aging scares me and I hope I get over this fear before long.

Then the teenage nit wit says to the soft spoken taco server, "I cant believe you could keep a straight face." Then she snickers again.

Ok, keep my mouth shut, I think not!

I say to her " Don't laugh sweetheart it could be you someday!"

Have a great Wednesday!

Not The Baby Issues

2008-09-23T05:21:00.004-05:00

I believe I have told you about some of Not The Babies issues before but just in case you may have forgotten.

Not The Baby is TERRIFIED of almost everything!

Last night at Baby Girls soccer practice Picture Momma had a grasshopper on her shoulder and Not The Baby started screaming at the top of her lungs:

Not The Baby: YOU HAVE A BUG, YOU HAVE A BUG

Picture Momma: Get it off, get it off

Not The Baby turns and runs.

Fortunately she survived all the bugs at soccer.

Then after I got Baby Girl to sleep it was time to go pick up Brat Baby from work. I told Not The Baby that she needed to get to sleep.

Not The Baby: Please don't leave me here Momma.

Momma: Baby you are not here by yourself, Papa and Baby Girl are here with you.

Not The Baby: Papa wont move fast enough if I need him in an emergency. Can I please go with you?

Momma: Babe you really need to get to sleep.

Not The Baby: PLEASE PLEASE

Momma: Ok fine!

So we are headed down the semi-country road and it is dark of course and Not The Baby says to me "Don't you get scared at night when you go pick up Brat Baby by yourself?"

Momma: No

Momma: What is there to be scared of?

Not The Baby: Well I will never be able to drive down a dark road like this all alone.

I am thinking I will tell Not The Baby that she can live with us as long as she wants (you know as long as she goes to college and then gets a great job and saves up for that dream home).

I tell her there is nothing to worry about.

But would you believe that this was the most eventful ride to pick up Brat Baby that I have ever had.

First I see this dog over on the side of the road running and I can hear a mans voice yelling.

Oh good I think the little doggie is going home, but the man keeps yelling so I start thinking "crap man look around your dog is on its way" and his yelling gets louder and then:

bark bark bark bark

I almost have a heart attack, another dog of the yelling mans is trying to eat my wheels as I am driving, do I speed up do I slow down. I never know what to do when a dog chases my car. So I speed up, then I slow down. Damn that little dog is fast. Like greyhound fast only a smaller version, like chihuahua size.

Not The Baby is yelling, you better not run over him or I will never forgive you!

What! Never forgive me this four legged little shit is the one you need to get angry with, these rubbers on the car are not cheap and if he eats them, you will be walking everywhere little Missy.

But thankfully we survived, the tires survived, the dog survived and luckily Not The Baby is still on speaking terms with me.

So the ride that was not to be scary had already turned a little frightening to Not The Baby.

Then would you believe that we saw not one, not two, not three, but Four emergency vehicles on our way to pick up Brat Baby!

All of which were going different directions, not going to the same place.

So we are driving down the road and the lights are coming upon us and the sirens are getting louder and Not The Baby is saying, "Don't you dare stop on this bridge Momma, I don't care what is coming up behind us, Don't you dare stop on this bridge."

Wow a new fear sweetheart, I had no idea you had issues with bridges.

I can just hear her now in therapy when she is thirty something.

Therapist: Well Not The Baby, tell me what it is that you really fear.

Not The Baby: Ok lets see, I fear bugs, dark, cars that go bump, loud nosies, children that don't hold their mothers hand when they cross the road, stairs, scary looking pictures, scary movies, scary noises, scary books, books about dogs that get hurt, any animal that might be in danger, hot water, dripping water, someone clearing their throat, teachers that made me stop talking in class, buses, dark clouds, thunder, lightening, wind, Oh and yes don't forget Bridges.

Ok maybe Not The Baby is not as bad as I just said, then again maybe she is.

It is so weird for her to be scared of so many things because believe it or not she is one of my toughest kids. I mean the girl is really really tough!

I hope it is nothing I have done to her.

Oh God don't let me be the topic of conversation in the therapist office.

Well I hope your Tuesday is unfearful and pleasant.

Devil Dog Devil Dog

2008-09-22T06:27:00.002-05:00

99.9% of the time I can not stand our dog.

Every time I turn around he is tearing up something.

What's that you ask?

Do I give him toys and bones to keep him busy?

This stupid dog has more toys and bones than any other dog we have owned.

For example this weekend we just got back in town from Baby Girl whipping up on some Huskies on the soccer field.

I had to get up a little earlier than I normally do on a Saturday so that Not The Baby could catch a volleyball bus before the sun rose, so I was a little tired.

I thought I would get me a 20 minute power nap.

I lay down, I was cold.

Papa had the fan on full blast.

Momma: Baby Girl will you get me a blanket honey.

Baby Girl: Ok Momma

Still I am cold.

Momma: Baby Girl will you come and lay down with me I am still freezing.

Baby Girl: Ok Momma but only for a minute I am playing.

Finally I am not freezing, finally I am drifting slowly off.

I can feel my body starting to relax to that point to where your body feels so heavy that you could not get up even if you wanted to.

My eyes are finally not seeing the light through my eye lids and I am in napping heaven.

Cough cough cough cough cough

That damn dog just put half of his body weight and those sharp ass nails and those pads that need some lotion right on my THROAT!

Devil Dog Devil Dog

Ok I recover from that traumatic experience and I attempt to go back to sleep.

I am drifting but not quite feeling that whole heavy body thing, but I am about to go.

slurp slurp slurp slurp

What the hell, the kitten is licking my face.

Go away sweet little pain in my butt kitty.

Ok last time if I get woke up one more time I am going to give up.

crunch crunch crunch

Sound like devil dog has a hanger.

I don't even care, I hope that hurts coming out the other end butt hole!

I keep my eyes close and pretend that I don't have a dog and that is Papa chewing on some chips or whatever else it is that he likes to munch on.

CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH

Man Papa you are going to break a tooth, I am thinking as I continue to keep my eyes shut.

Baby Girl: RRRREEEXXX

Momma: What what ???

Baby Girl: Rex just ate your sunglasses!

Baby Girl: Oh are you awake Momma?

Momma: Yes I am awake already honey can you believe it?

Momma: Do Momma a favor, put that dog outside, open the side gate, put an ad in the paper, set out a free sign, send him on his way with a bag of food and just let me get five minutes of uninterrupted silence.

Momma: If you don't mind sweetheart!

Oh if you think this is all the devil dog stories I have, I am sorry to tell you that I could write one every single day!

I need the dog whisper guy!

Happy Foggy Sunday

2008-09-21T08:06:00.002-05:00

I didn't even think it was possible for my body to stay in bed past 7am but it did.

There is this beautiful fog that I have been missing while being lazy and laying in bed.

I wish to go no where today and just take in the fresh outdoor air with the Babies.

I hope your Sunday brings you plenty of fresh air to breathe in .

Have a good one!

A Conversation With Baby Girl.

2008-09-19T06:22:00.005-05:00

Last night Brat Baby had work and Not The Baby had two sports practices and Papa was home resting from his long day at work.

(I do sometimes question how tiring his day really was, but that is another conversation all together)

So that left just Baby Girl and I all alone for a couple of hours and I needed to make a Wal-Greens run so by the time we were done with that I am thinking hey there are only two of us and anytime there is only a couple of us we must go out to eat.

Seeing that when we are all together the cost of eating out for our family cost us not only an arm but also a leg. We usually jump on an outing for dinner with only a few of the bambinos.

So Baby Girl looks at me and says, "You know what I want don't you Momma?"

Well of course I do.

Baby Girl is in love with McCallisters.

While we are eating our dinner we are having lots of conversation, this girl can talk both legs off.
(Man there is a lot of limb loss in this post today, sorry)

Baby Girl starts telling me about an incident that happened on the playground today.

Baby Girl: There was this kid that kicked me today.

Momma: Oh my honey, why would they do that?

Baby Girl: I don't know, but they did.

Momma: What did you do about it?

Baby Girl: Nothin!

Momma: WHAT! A baby not taking up for herself, not telling that little punk kickin turd to leave you alone or his world will come crashing down on him like the stock market!

Baby Girl: What does that mean?

Momma: Well I don't actually know, but I know it's bad.

Baby Girl: Well see Momma I have friends.

Momma: Yes sweetheart I know you have friends, but what does that have to do with it.

Baby Girl: Well when you have a BFF like I do it has a lot to do with it.

Momma: Huh?

Baby Girl: Well my BFF saw little punk kickin butt turd kick me and she turned into the Tasmanian devil and went after that little punk kickin turd.

Momma: WOW

Baby Girl: Then a another boy came up to me.

Boy Watching: Man Baby Girl, where can I get a butt kickin BFF like that?

Baby Girl: You just need some friends!

Boy Watching: OK, I take the Tasmanian devil there.

Baby Girl: Oh no honey, that ones mine!

I swear this conversation happened the way I wrote it but even better and believe it or not she gave me another one to write about for another day.

You want to hear the cool part.

My Baby Girls BFF's Momma is also a best friend of mine and I think that she would kick some punk tail for me if I needed her to.

I hope you have a BFF that would do the same for you!

Happy Butt Kickin Friday!

Oh Mrs. Momma!

2008-09-18T05:46:00.003-05:00

Ok most of you already know that I work with pre-k students every day and I love, love , love my job.

The first year I started in the public school system was the worst year we have had as of yet. And then the next year was way way better.

Those kids are that I had two years ago was the most loving group of kids.

There was one boy in particular that would make sure that every day he told me that I looked nice.

There was also this time when I wore this pair of Capri's that were brightly colored and one of the kids says to me "Hey you wore those the other day (well actually it was last week and man have you seen my pay checks here, there is no money for clothes baby)"

Now the minute that child said that another little boy sits up and says "So,I like her pants!"

Now I tell you what,I don't get that much love from any other place other than my own babies and now a days with 3/4 of them teenagers and older I get cut down more than complimented.

So this year I think is actually going to top the class that I had two years ago, not because they are better kids but because the whole class is loving and complimenting.

One little girl findssomething to compliment me on everyday.

But the best one yet and yet the weirdest one yet was when the other day a little girl looks at my picture on my badge (which was taken four years ago when I was about fifty pounds lighter and much less stressed) and says to me, "Man you were HOT".

Ok I thought I just was not hearing her right, so I asked her what she said.

Momma: I'm sorry what honey?

Little Girl: I said you were hot!

Oh that is sweet I think and then I think that I don't like hearing the word HOT from a four year old and then I have to remind myself that times are changing and the word pretty has been formally changed to Hot.

Then I think to myself, great stop fooling yourself Momma, you are no longer HOT even though sometimes when I look in the mirror I try to only look at the upper half instead of the fat ass that keeps growing because I refuse to leave my house other than the times that I am constantly running my children all over the earth.

So another little girl that makes my heart melt every time that she smiles at me says to me, I think you are still HOT.

So I am going to walk around like I am Jessica Simpson.

Ok maybe not Jessica

I am going to walk around like I am Angelina Jolie.

Well only if Brad will be my man because I am totally not into the whole blood in a vile around my neck kind of woman.

Alright well maybe I should Be Stacy's mom (you know that song that goes "Stacy's mom has got it goin on")

Whatever I will be me and think that I might have a chance of being HOT since a four year old says I am and hey kids do tell the truth!

Don't They???

Peace Off!

2008-09-17T05:17:00.003-05:00

Here is another stupid story about myself.

It is amazing how many of these stories I have to tell.

One day we are driving back from a soccer tournament.

Which by the way Baby Girl has been to more soccer games in her life than any other thing else, no wonder she plays soccer.

Back to my story we are on our way back from a soccer tournament on a two lane road and behind us is some crazy insane person driving as if he has a death wish. We watch him carefully and try to stay away from him, he continues to ride our butt and then as soon as we get to a four way crossing he races around me even though there is a car headed right towards me, he swerves right in front of me just in time and we are all speechless with fear.

Then when everyone comes to when they realized that we just did not die everyone in our van says FLIP HIM OFF (OK not Baby Girl, that will come later), FLIP HIM OFF.

I am angry that he almost hurt my babies and I am trying to drive and so I roll down my window, stick my had out the door.

Everyone is cheering me on.

And I give him the PEACE sign.

Papa starts laughing, "what the hell is that?" he says.

"I don't know, I guess I forgot how to flip someone off, I mean it is not something I do everyday."

Then guess who everyone starts laughing at.....that's right, me the Momma!

So on this Wednesday I say to you:

Peace Off and I mean it in the nicest way!

I LOVE YOU PICTURE MOMMA

2008-09-15T19:50:00.004-05:00

Picture Momma took my garage sale lap top that was ancient and because of her lap top kicking the bucket she took the good stuff out of hers and put it in mine and now I have a lap top to just get on the Internet with. Now don't get to excited I cant do too much with this old geezer but hey it will do what we needed it to do.

So Picture Momma even came over and got it going with our other computer.

Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP!

So to you Picture Momma I give you the:

ROCKY AWARD

Because You are a Champion my friend!

Praise His Name ......The Cable Guy That Is!

2008-09-12T16:16:00.003-05:00

The heavens have opened up its gates and my favorite cable guy visited my house today and they moved my Internet connection from the gates of hell (Brat Babies room) to an area where I can have access at any given time of day.

So soon I will be joining you in blogging heaven.

I HATE MONDAYS!

2008-09-08T08:01:00.003-05:00

Sure I know everyone does, but today I really hate Monday's.

Yesterday was Baby Boy's 20th birthday and it was stressful and it didn't even have anything to do with him.

I wanted to write a blog all about him and now I am late on doing that.

I am in desperate need of a mental health day.

While I am waiting for that mental health day I am going to try to just breathe.

Who the hell am I fooling, I am hyperventilating here people.

Happy Freakin Monday!

How Brat Baby Keeps Her Name!

2008-09-05T06:49:00.002-05:00

I can go on and on about the ways that Brat Baby is able to still retain the head position as Brat in our family but I will just share with you something that happened to me less than five minutes ago.

I wont even share last night or the day before.

I am practicing control.

Which brings me to my next blog, Momma practicing control.

Anyway back to my story.

We have one bathroom in our little shack that all six of us have shared.

We have never had two bathrooms.

So out of common courtesy in our home, you DO NOT LOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR.

I personally do not have any trouble with someone walking in when I am using the bathroom or taking a bath.

No big deal here.

So Brat Baby had been in the bathroom doing her make-up and she stepped out for a minute.

Well I had had a cup of coffee and with no gallbladder things do not stay with me very long.

So I make a mad dash to the open throne.

Brat Baby walks in and she says:

Brat Baby: OH MY GOD MOTHER, SERIOUSLY!

Momma: WHAT!

Brat Baby: You are disgusting!

Momma: Since when do you not shit, you little shit!

Brat Baby: Well Seriously!

Momma: Yes, I AM SERIOUS.

Just then I reach for the roll of not so soft paper and wouldn't you know it, I am at the end of the roll and I will have to ask the no shitting Brat to go and get me more toilet paper.

So she leaves to go get the toilet paper and comes back with a box of tissues.

Just my luck!

I hope you don't reach he end of the roll today and come up short.

Happy Friday!

My Dancing Queen Pictures

2008-09-04T06:35:00.005-05:00

These are photos of a all school assembly that I did with some friends/co-workers a couple of weeks ago.

I used to be so shy and maybe if I was in front of a bunch of adults instead of a gym full of kids and only a few hand fulls of adults I may have felt very different.

We sang with the song Dancing Queen which happens to be some of Heathers favorite music.

Heather choreographed all of our moves and man did she do a good job, if she ever decides to leave education I think she could get a job on Broadway.

The reaction from the kids was great, I am still getting kids telling me that they loved our show.

The funny part is that if I could I would do this every week if they would let me.

Thanks Picture Momma for taking these pictures for me.

Here's A Not The Baby Funny Just For You

2008-09-03T06:33:00.006-05:00

Remember how I told you that Not The Baby gets scared very easily.

Well here is one occasion where her fear got the best of her.

Not The Baby likes to walk our demon dog occasionally by herself, most of the time though we walk him together along with our neighbors sweet little dog.

Now when Not The Baby walks Rex (that is demon dogs real name) they only walk a few houses down and around the back of our house.

So Not The Baby and Rex were boppin around enjoying their walk when all of a sudden there was a car coming down the road playing loud music, I believe it was rap music.

Not The Baby became fearful not knowing what to do. The car kept coming down the road and Rex kept on walking like nothing at all was happening.

Not The Baby looked around to see what her options were. Home was two houses down, there was no way that she could get back home without being spotted by the car with loud music.

Think quick Not The Baby.

Think quick.

Then it came to her.

Not The Baby saw a bush in the neighbors yard so she yanked Rex down with her and the two of them hid behind the bush while the suspicious looking vehicle drove by.

As Not The Baby was in the undisclosed place she heard a voice.

Oh no maybe those eerie sounding strangers in the car were trying to make contact with her.

Then the voice was getting closer, Hello!

Not The Baby goes over the attack procedure with Rex, who seems to be pre occupied with licking his private area.

HELLO..........

Be Brave Not The Baby.

So Not The Baby looks up to see the weird neighbor that will never talk to us looking at her with a look that reads are you crazy girl?

It seems as though the bush that Not The Baby chose to dunk behind belonged to and was in the weird neighbors back yard.

Not The Baby sees that the coast is clear and it is safe to make a run for the house.

She smiles at the neighbor while saying under her breath, "man he is weird".

We of course can not possibly be the weird ones.

Not The Baby makes it home safely and does not say anything until dinner time when she cant hold it in any longer.

I, Momma was beside myself.

Momma: sweetheart, what did the car look like?

Not The Baby gives me the description of the car.

Momma: Was the car driving slow?

Not The Baby: No

Momma: Were they staring at you?

Not The Baby: No

Momma: Well then sweetheart what is it that gave you such a fright?

Not The Baby: They just looked scary with that loud music that they were playing.

Momma: Oh sweetheart, eat your dinner and get ready for bed, you have had to much excitement for this evening.

There you have it Not The Baby in a nutshell.

My little sweetie that tells me that she made need counseling.

I have a friend that is a counselor, I guess I better give her a call.

In the meantime if I could ask all of you to please not drive by my house playing loud rap music.

Otherwise we will have Not The Baby dropping to the floor like a member of the Soprano's family getting a visit from a long lost cousin that they thought they had already knocked off.

I Wanna Start A Book Club

2008-09-01T10:03:00.005-05:00

I was just getting dressed and caught Oprah on (since when does she come on in the morning?).

I am sure that it is a re-run.

I close to never get to watch tv.

Anyway she had this woman named Elizabeth Gilbert on talking about her book Eat, Pray, Love.

So I went to Amazon and read a few pages from the book and I really want to read it.

Anyone out there want to join me?

I would love to have my friends read this book with me and then we get together over coffee and sweets or dinner and discuss.

This has been something that I have wanted to do for a very long time and when I read an excerpt from this book I knew right then I must read it but it is something I really want to share with friends.

You can get the book on Amazon used for $3.50 plus the $3.99 shipping.

You can also get the book at Crap-Mart (ok Wal-mart) for $7.89.

So what do you think?

Anyone interested?

Happy Happy Day!

2008-08-30T08:42:00.002-05:00

Today I got to sleep past 6 AM.

Today I get to watch lots of soccer!

I hope your day and your weekend is full of fun things to do.

Stay safe!

Momma